Personal Matters

Any objective observer would comment on the interesting situations that are currently underway in this family. I could start a litany of, well not really misfortunes but rather things that are not going perfectly. It would sound a lot like my story “How’s It Going with You” and I’m not going to do that. Suffice it to say that while everything seems to be falling down around our ears, for me personally things are fine. I have my health, fitness, enough money to cover expenses, pedestrian tastes, hobbies, and interests that can be covered by pocket change, and no personal entanglements outside of those in full view. I can’t say the same for many others in this family over the age of 60.

Mom is on a continuous moan, day and night except for a few hours when she is unconscious with sleep. I am not sure how long it’s going to take for her to either stop or for us to become so inured to it that it no longer registers an emotional response. This is happening slowly but I think it is not good because we could do something to ease her suffering if she would tell us. Ignoring the moan we may be missing the opportunity to make her more comfortable.

There was only a three and a half hour period this morning, from 5 to 8:30 when she was asleep without the moan. It was after she moaned from 10pm until 5am, after she used the potty, after Carola cleansed her bowels, after she went to bed, after she was rolled over twice, after she was in the chair, back in bed, back into the chair that she finally got some rest. Then at 8:30 she started again and has been moaning since. It is now 1pm. The poor thing is in misery and there isn’t a thing we can do for her. The pain pills she is taking are the strongest available and I don’t want to institutionalize her because she will be more miserable there and probably die without us being by her side. Admittedly it would be less stressful for us but then it would be simply too stressful for her. No, I would rather put up with her suffering along with her and see this through to the end, which is either going to be this month or she’s going to improve and get through this.

She is using her body more for steps, for movement, for adjusting her position and her appetite is marginally better. This is why I hold out hope that she will make it through this travail without dying during July. If she does, she will be once again the feisty little lady who won’t quit. That observer may even fault Carola and me for this or that. We’ve been attentive, taken her where she needed to go for medical assistance, kept the place safe, but then there are accidental things that happen.

This is why I added a new daily to my already long list, “Avoiding mistakes, I am vigilant.” This isn’t a positive statement but it says exactly what is necessary to remind me to be on the lookout for the leg behind the footrest, the position of my feet, the door jambs, the chair cushions, the pillows, the temperature of the food, and all those other million and one things that could go wrong. As I now reflect on my dailies, this may be the only ”don’t.”

The pain medicine, Hydrocodone, seems to have its effect on her aches. It took about thirty minutes to soak in but the half capsule I gave her about then may be why she is quiet now. Perhaps she will get some relief for a while. We can’t give it to her continuously, more than one and a half pills per day, well we could per the doctor’s orders but won’t, because it really causes her to be like as zombie. It isn’t fair to her to keep knocking her out but then it is also not very nice to be sitting there in pain all the time. We have adopted a middle of the road approach that seems to be acceptable to all.

My sister and brother-in-law left about an hour ago; Carola and I were pleased by their visit, especially the change of attitude evidenced in him. He was personable, not at all a braggart, offered to pay for dinner the other night, and participated in conversation without bullying. My sister even hinted that they would pay for the extra care from Elder Care Professionals if mom couldn’t. She balked at buying my book because she is a stingy person, at least towards us. Never spends a nickel more than the minimum; never contributes to the pot. That’s just the way she is.

Looking up and around, Daughter 1 and her husband are in China to get an adopted daughter and bring her home. Their trip got off to a rocky start when the plane they were on returned to the airport for fear of something bad happening to it. They are a day late in their schedule and will have to get by with less rest after the trip over. So that’s happening.

My son and his wife are a case study in what happened to cause the crisis we are now in. I mean, you take their case and multiply it by 30 million and there you have the genesis of the crisis; with the general constriction of business activity that followed. A quick summary would be over-extending and justifying it with projected cash flow instead of a more conservative equity approach; don’t spend it unless you have it covered; don’t play poker using IOU’s. The financial marketplace is a high risk area, a game of chance where you shouldn’t bet more than you can afford to lose; although it has happened enough over time that there is relief for those who do; it's called declaring bankruptcy.

Daughter 2 and husband are fine. Here are two who are as objective in their approach to money matters as anyone. They seem to have a discipline about them that sees them through; although I’ll bet they don’t see it this way. Outsiders, like me, often see the results and not the process, whereas the insiders see the turmoil of the day to day.