On Losing

Some may have noticed others not so I’ll spell it out. Almost every entry that is made starts from where I am. This is in keeping with my philosophical starting point which is also from where I am at the time. We had a day off in our lives today, the first of weekly days off and perhaps even twice weekly. I went to MTGC and Carola to get a massage. It was pretty good; at first I thought I would make a more elegant use of the time but as it rolled on I went for the golf. A good choice because that is working on aim but then anything I would have done would have been same because all of my choices centered around aim.

We set up ooVoo on our PC last night and I observed my face on the monitor; I mean really. It is so bad, so old, and so puffy, so you name it that I think I’d like to exchange it for a different one. How ugly is ugly. How can one be seen out in the world with a mug like this? People are kind in that they don’t point and laugh. Some even treat me with a little respect. I am almost ashamed to be out in the world with a face like this. It is remarkable that I am allowed to walk around without a shroud over it. OTOH it is mine and the only one I have so I must get over this and quickly. Acceptance begins at home. That means others will accept me, no matter how I look as long as I accept myself; and that means without remarks. It also means without listening to any compliments or taking them as serious statements. I mean if anyone were to say to me, “My how handsome you are,” I would have to say to myself—what do you want? This actually happened in rehearsal for Uncle Tom where the director ooh’d and aah’d over me and I looked at her with lots of suspicion. “When comparing myself, I realize that I am unique.” This is a daily that bears repeating over and over again.

There was a Hagar comic this morning that was appropo for me. He comes into the house full of arrows, cuts, and bruises and Helga asks how’d it go? He says I lost. That was me last night coming home from playing pool. There are mitigating circumstances but I’m not going to use them as an excuse. I didn’t win, not because my opponent beat me but because I missed shots that I can make. I get so down on myself when this stuff happens that it is like I am eating myself from the inside out. I want to be a player but every good shot seems to have to be offset by a poor one; same in golf. If I could ever figure this out perhaps I would be a player. It goes like this: I want to be; I’m not; I see I’m not; others see I’m not; I give up the ghost. There is a missing element here; it’s called character.

The guy I played golf with today, his name was Rick, asked me what business I would go into if I so wanted. That was a tough question and I didn’t really answer it. I did a pretty good job of reframing it and answered it by giving him some advice. This was after he talked about going into the healthcare business; he formerly worked as a regional manager for Pitney Bowes. My advice was along the lines of the lesson I learned from Executrain, that managing in a large corporation is one thing and understanding the business you are in is another. I told him that I learned more about the training business working in Adult Education for JCPS; had I known this before I bought the franchise things would have been different. So Rick, get involved with someone who is successful in the business you want to have so you can learn the ins and outs of it and then go into it for yourself. Specifically, leverage your contacts, personable style, and knowledge of selling in large markets by associating with a successful Mfr’s Rep; allowing him to have you on his team without risk of loss and all the possibility of gain. I don’t know if he heard me or not but what I said is the truth. It is one thing to work as I did in management and another to be successful at a business that you don’t really know.

The thing about his question that bothers me is I don’t have an answer. What business would I go into, none. There’s your answer. Just like what stock would I buy or horse would I bet, I don’t know enough about whatever to do other than take a chance/place a bet. Problem is when you bet you can lose so you’d better be ready. In my case, just like the pool competition, losing is what I seem to do best. The only way to win is to take the risk out of the action; to know what will be successful and do it. In business, it means don’t participate unless and until you can. In pool it means study, practice, play and accept the results as they occur. It means to stop the self-flagellation because it is non productive and self defeating. It means to study what is required to get the results desired and do it with intention; stay in the moment; do whatever without regard to the result achieved.

Often I will critique a shot to say what went wrong when it is simply that it wasn’t set up properly. The critique is a waste of time because I already know what has to be done in preparation; it is then a matter of doing it before the shot and not looking at what went wrong afterwards. Hell, anyone can tell what went wrong. What must be done is ahead of time to make it go right.