This is a classic example of sitting down to write without having a clue as to about what. While to some readers it may seem silly, to me, who has done this often and with good personal results, it is a way of getting the stream started. It is 9 am and breakfast is over. We were awakened by calls from mom’s room at 4 am and went back to find her on the bathroom floor. She said later that her knees gave way, she didn’t fall. Now she is sitting in the kitchen in a seemingly down mood. It is understandable since she is in a time of life that has no experience with which to compare; she’s over 100 years old.
I’ve watched her age the past 11 years and close-hand for the past 7 of them. It is a slow and gradual deterioration of her ears, eyes, and muscles but not her mind. Whereas some people exhibit signs of Alzheimer’s disease, not mom; she is just as sharp as ever, a little slower here and there, but generally just as good. She has little or nothing to do all day except sit; often she sleeps, often the TV is on but she isn’t paying much attention to it. Anyone with the ability to see, hear, and move would be going a little crazy for lack of s.t. to do. Every remark is answered by “Huh?” Sometimes she gives a stock answer, such as “Yeah” or “Oh yes” or similar and I catch it and ask if she heard me and she smiles and says, “No.” Then I must shout at her for her to hear. She refuses to wear hearing aids, of which she has two sets.
Her eyes are almost gone, she has macular degeneration, but there is some macula remaining because she can see in certain directions but winds up feeling around in front of her for napkin, knife, fork, or water glass. She has completely given up on the newspaper, whereas in the past she did the jumble and read the comics. Books and papers are of no value whatsoever. When she goes to the eye doctor, who has kept her glaucoma in remission with expensive eye drops, she can barely read the E at the top of the chart. The last time was the same as the previous several, we go every 6 months, and Dr. Huntington says there’s nothing to be done other than controlling the glaucoma.
Then there’s the issue with her muscles. Here I have an opinion, which only I can have. It seems to me that her adamant refusal to do even the most elemental exercises for arms, legs, torso, and heart have led to this degradation of her musculature to where it takes two hands to pass a plate at the table. She has no muscle tissue left in her arms and her body has atrophied to the point of minimal muscle necessary to hold her together. Her legs are likewise weak and, therefore, her knees, hips and ankles are all at risk due to a lack of supporting muscle.
This can/could have been avoided had she allowed me to work with her to do the exercises that the vocational and physical therapy visits prescribed. She did them for a short time then refused. Now the she’s paying the price because there is no support and she doesn’t have strength enough to maintain herself. And we are likewise put at an extreme disadvantage because now she has to be lifted on and off the bed, chair, and pot. I don’t know what we’re going to do about bathing, this is all new and we’ll have to work it out.
So what does this all mean to me? Aside from taking care of her, which “I said I would so I quess I’m stuck with it,” Sean Kerrigan 2008, there are lessons to be learned here that will keep me going for the long haul. (1) It is prudent of me to think in terms of living to be as old as my mother even if I get killed tomorrow. (2) Stick to my daily, “Keeping my heart, torso, arms, and legs strong; I participate.” (3) Deepen my reserves of physical and psychic energy. And (4) be as independent as possible for as long as possible but not stubborn to the point of not getting help when it is needed.
This last point is one to keep in mind as we go forward with mom. There will come a time when she will have to be seen by healthcare pros, who can assess her needs and make recommendations for support; it may be a few days until we make this contact. It may also be necessary to postpone our trip to VA due to this latest development and let the situation develop over time. It wouldn’t be fair to get sister Barbara involved other than to keep her informed. She and Joe are slated to come up one week from today.
I don’t fault mom for her condition, I simply see it as being somewhat avoidable with some daily exercises. I will continue mine as I have for the past several years (35.) They keep me flexible, able to handle my own weight, and do stuff like yard work, golf, hiking, and maybe even riding, if I ever get over to the park. Her decision was not to do this and now she and we are suffering the consequences. Yet her attitude towards it all her life is what gave her the reserve strength to make it to this age. She worked herself hard; lifting, climbing, carrying, pushing, and walking. It has taken this long to work through those reserves. She’s there now, running on empty.
And now I turn a little attention to my wife who is on the same path as mom. She eschews regular exertion of any kind and mark my words in fifteen years she will fall apart. Her organs are already showing signs of distress; she’s on several medications for symptoms that would go away if she exerted herself, even if only walking. But the wrath of a woman who simply won’t be cowed erupts every time it is mentioned. So it goes.
No comments:
Post a Comment