This is Father’s day. It is only mentioned because it gives a sort of qualification to the day, set’s it apart from other days. Every day should be a celebration and made special, apart from any other day, memorable because it is an event in this lifetime. Most days are like this and, for me anyway, worthy of recording their occurrence in a log.
I listen to a lot of erudite stuff; Great Courses, classical literature, poems, essays and the like and I am becoming more and more aware of my own insignificance in the grand scheme of things and admit that I am envious of the fame and notoriety that some have achieved in our history; and yet relieved that when I go about the city I am not set upon by others. I want to be famous but at the same time want to be anonymous. It is plain to see that fame is a double edged sword.
The population seems to have an insatiable appetite for stories about those whom we know, even if only from afar. The tabloid press industry has developed to satisfy this appetite. This phenomenon exists because of curiosity and unfulfilled personal relationships. Why would anyone want to enter this Roman forum? Oscar Wilde quipped: “The two biggest disappointments in life are not getting what you wanted and getting it.” Thus he recognized that dissatisfaction is a basic to human nature; of course it is.
A good friend of mine wended his way around his elbow to finally introduce the main speaker after dinner recently. The speaker, a contemporary of my friend and likewise a scholar, thanked him for for the hyperbolic introduction. For some reason I didn’t think this was all that complementary. I see that I too am hyperbolic. Most of my writing, as evidenced by the many notebooks that I have filled, is just that; hyperbolic. Often I start on one subject and wend my way around my elbow to reach a whole ‘nother subject by the time my 1000 words are writ.
If this is a criticism, I say so what. Somewhere in here there is an issue with which I am dealing and the only way to get it out is to start clicking away. Eventually it surfaces and gets full shrift. I bring this up because my last entry started one way and wound up talking about hierarchies.
At least that’s how I recall it and I am not in the habit of reading past entries immediately before writing current. The reasoning for all of this, the hyperbole, the ignoring of previous entries for the present, and even this explanation, is to recognize that these pages are more for me than for anyone else. They are my counselor, my analyst. Just as when one goes to see his analyst he starts in one place and winds up in another, so do I on these pages. It harkens back to my basic tenet that one must start from where he is.
This begs the question, where am I? I am in sloth. In the work, there are several states in which one may find himself: sloth, tramp, lunatic, fool and probably some others; all the while seeking to be a Good Householder. Sloth is one where I find myself often and it can be defined as not doing.
For me doing and not doing is related more to the social source content of personae than any other aspect. I know from experience that if contact is to be made, things to be done, things to be followed with enthusiasm by others who have some minor stake in the action; it is up to me to generate that enthusiasm, to keep the ball going from player to player as we attempt to score; yet I am like a newspaper thrown on the fire, i.e. not a log. I flare up with some bright ideas and then wind up in a pillar of smoke, having lost my spark.
The pattern repeats itself often enough and most recently in my term as president of the Rotary Club of East Louisville Sunrise. I am winding up my term of office and don’t feel that I did a very good job of keeping the club engaged. The meetings went well enough but my contacts between meetings, my prodding and urging, my follow-up with committees, fund raising and all the aspects of the club were mediocre; just enough to be able to say that we did s.t. and the result was second place in the district when the club had hopes of once again being first.
A lot of my retraction is due to my perception of others’ attitudes and my hypersensitivity to what I think is happening in their hearts and minds; and not just the club but people with whom I generally associate. I tend to read in the worst regarding motives and sentiments when others could care less. This misogynistic tendency of mine keeps cropping up like weeds in the lawn.
Others have similar tendencies and proclivities, which is why the principles for interacting with others as listed by Dale Carnegie are so important. I have a daily that says, “Internalizing the human relations principles, I am more likable.” And it is important to internalize them so that one doesn’t come across as a phony. This BTW is a common pitfall of those who are less than sincere. Another daily, “Being less cynical and judgmental, I am happier,” supports the first and avoids the phoniness that often creeps in.
This insecurity of mine is what comes out as sloth, inactivity where activity is not required. By saying it this way, I am recognizing the difference between handling problems, even those created by me for me, and addressing opportunities. It is one thing to throw the ball and another to catch it. It is when I have the ball and don’t put it into play that it is sloth and this is a major sin.
I listen to a lot of erudite stuff; Great Courses, classical literature, poems, essays and the like and I am becoming more and more aware of my own insignificance in the grand scheme of things and admit that I am envious of the fame and notoriety that some have achieved in our history; and yet relieved that when I go about the city I am not set upon by others. I want to be famous but at the same time want to be anonymous. It is plain to see that fame is a double edged sword.
The population seems to have an insatiable appetite for stories about those whom we know, even if only from afar. The tabloid press industry has developed to satisfy this appetite. This phenomenon exists because of curiosity and unfulfilled personal relationships. Why would anyone want to enter this Roman forum? Oscar Wilde quipped: “The two biggest disappointments in life are not getting what you wanted and getting it.” Thus he recognized that dissatisfaction is a basic to human nature; of course it is.
A good friend of mine wended his way around his elbow to finally introduce the main speaker after dinner recently. The speaker, a contemporary of my friend and likewise a scholar, thanked him for for the hyperbolic introduction. For some reason I didn’t think this was all that complementary. I see that I too am hyperbolic. Most of my writing, as evidenced by the many notebooks that I have filled, is just that; hyperbolic. Often I start on one subject and wend my way around my elbow to reach a whole ‘nother subject by the time my 1000 words are writ.
If this is a criticism, I say so what. Somewhere in here there is an issue with which I am dealing and the only way to get it out is to start clicking away. Eventually it surfaces and gets full shrift. I bring this up because my last entry started one way and wound up talking about hierarchies.
At least that’s how I recall it and I am not in the habit of reading past entries immediately before writing current. The reasoning for all of this, the hyperbole, the ignoring of previous entries for the present, and even this explanation, is to recognize that these pages are more for me than for anyone else. They are my counselor, my analyst. Just as when one goes to see his analyst he starts in one place and winds up in another, so do I on these pages. It harkens back to my basic tenet that one must start from where he is.
This begs the question, where am I? I am in sloth. In the work, there are several states in which one may find himself: sloth, tramp, lunatic, fool and probably some others; all the while seeking to be a Good Householder. Sloth is one where I find myself often and it can be defined as not doing.
For me doing and not doing is related more to the social source content of personae than any other aspect. I know from experience that if contact is to be made, things to be done, things to be followed with enthusiasm by others who have some minor stake in the action; it is up to me to generate that enthusiasm, to keep the ball going from player to player as we attempt to score; yet I am like a newspaper thrown on the fire, i.e. not a log. I flare up with some bright ideas and then wind up in a pillar of smoke, having lost my spark.
The pattern repeats itself often enough and most recently in my term as president of the Rotary Club of East Louisville Sunrise. I am winding up my term of office and don’t feel that I did a very good job of keeping the club engaged. The meetings went well enough but my contacts between meetings, my prodding and urging, my follow-up with committees, fund raising and all the aspects of the club were mediocre; just enough to be able to say that we did s.t. and the result was second place in the district when the club had hopes of once again being first.
A lot of my retraction is due to my perception of others’ attitudes and my hypersensitivity to what I think is happening in their hearts and minds; and not just the club but people with whom I generally associate. I tend to read in the worst regarding motives and sentiments when others could care less. This misogynistic tendency of mine keeps cropping up like weeds in the lawn.
Others have similar tendencies and proclivities, which is why the principles for interacting with others as listed by Dale Carnegie are so important. I have a daily that says, “Internalizing the human relations principles, I am more likable.” And it is important to internalize them so that one doesn’t come across as a phony. This BTW is a common pitfall of those who are less than sincere. Another daily, “Being less cynical and judgmental, I am happier,” supports the first and avoids the phoniness that often creeps in.
This insecurity of mine is what comes out as sloth, inactivity where activity is not required. By saying it this way, I am recognizing the difference between handling problems, even those created by me for me, and addressing opportunities. It is one thing to throw the ball and another to catch it. It is when I have the ball and don’t put it into play that it is sloth and this is a major sin.
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