The Team

There are two ideas on my mind, one relates to team and the other to integrating into a new community, or at least the way I do/did it. I’m not sure which to pursue so I’ll do both but one at a time. But wait just a moment, the two are related so I’ll do both together.

The French word for team is équipe. Because it is a language that we are not using every day, the word has a more profound meaning than what we think of as a team. Yet our word team, when stripped of connotations, means exactly the same thing. It is a group of people with disparate skills that work together to achieve a purpose (this is the fourth definition in the Merriam Webster dictionary after three that refer to animals.)

I worked in the shipyard for twenty-two years and like to think that I achieved a certain level of success and I did by any objective measure. Yet it only dawned on me recently that I was one member of a team of more than 20,000 people who were engaged in the building of ships. This concept didn’t dawn on me when I was working there, although I did feel that way even if I didn’t realize it.

When I went to Tenneco in Houston, Case in Racine, Case at LePlessis, or even in my own business, the realization was not there nor the feeling. I just didn’t see myself that way after NNS. Things may have worked out completely differently if I had but that is conjecture.

I seem to have always felt a need to belong to something bigger than myself, to identify with it and feel like I belonged in/to it. This is a need that has been with me since I can remember; Holy Cross, Scouting, my high school, college, the fraternity, and in a very a big way NNS & DD Co. It has also been fed by delving into the communities where we have lived because the more I knew about the place and/or the organization and the more I participated in local activities, the more of an understanding I developed and the more at home I felt.

This delving in to the community was, now that I think about it, something that was taught to me by my father, much like the parents of a baby robin teach it to find worms by showing them how; he would take me with him to various places in Saint Louis and see the history of the place. We went through neighborhoods where he would recount the way it was, to museums to see the artifacts of the past, to the “backsides” of many buildings, restaurants, theaters, and businesses, even the streets on which we rode had stories of how they got thataway.

When I went to Newport News, I took with me this idea of delving into the past and did the same thing there that he’d shown me in Saint Louis. Because NN was smaller by far than St. Louis, I expanded my view to include the entire peninsula, from Williamsburg and Jamestown, to Yorktown, Poquoson, Phoebus, Old Point Comfort, and Hampton. I spent quite a bit of time crawling the area finding gems of history, especially the old houses. Wherever I am, old houses and neighborhoods hold a fascination for me.

Then when I went to Houston, perhaps because it is so much larger, I made a science out of it. I found photography studios and went to see historical photos then went to the present locations to see how they now looked. I read history and tracked down the locations of events, I talked to people to hear how the area developed. I made plans weekly to see something new and unique to the city. In four years I knew as much as anyone who’d lived there much longer but certainly not the details necessary to put it into perspective.

I repeated some of this in Racine but quickly soured on it; it just didn’t hold my interest very long. Then when we went to England and France and Europe in general, my interest was piqued. I was lucky enough to find “A Literary Guide to Paris” and tracked down many locations that were referenced by the authors who lived there, for example Victor Hugo’s elephant in Les Miserables, and the burial location in the Hunchback of Notre Dame.

I have likewise done this in Louisville. The UofL Archives are a rich storehouse of photos and I’ve driven the wheels off the car traipsing around the old City of Louisville to see neighborhoods, cinemas, parks, thoroughfares, and buildings. Like most other places I’ve been, the old houses and neighborhoods are particularly fun to see.

One reason I am drawn to acting is being a player on a team. The thing about acting that attracts me is to be in a cast, work cooperatively during rehearsals with almost no politics, developing friendships that are mutually satisfying and beneficial but not relationships that get in the way. The cast is together; we all have a script and a part to play, rehearse, perform, and then go on about our lives. The team is formed for the production and then goes away and yet there is a feeling of belonging to a larger community of performing artists who are of one mind, and on some level part of “the Theater.”

There is a history of the theater much like that of an area, an allure that includes famous actors and actresses. Yet even when associated with it in as small a way as I am, my perception of them has changed. Instead of seeing them as somehow apart from the rest of us, I see them for what they are, people engaged in a profession much the same as any other. Some are more involved in marketing efforts, taking advantage of the public persona they have. Others are quietly working at their craft to become as good at it as they can. The Leonardo Da Vinci movie at the Frazier yesterday is a good example. None of the actors was a recognized name but each was remarkably cast and performed the character with remarkable sensitivity. I am pleased to belong to it.

A Window In My Head

There is a cartoon, depicting two buzzards sitting in a tree in the desert. One is saying to the other, “Let’s just go kill something.” That is the mood I am getting into, not murderous but rather a mood to go out and precipitate some action.

This blog entry is going to be stream of consciousness; you will be hearing in your mind's ear as you read it the various and sundry thoughts that are running through my head as I write. They will be as they come up; some will be expanded, others may be simple statements, none will be edited. So here goes.
The morning is almost gone and I have done scant little of a productive nature. I’m seeing the difference between being productive and being busy, or wasting time.

The French lessons by Michael Thomas are effective, I’ll keep doing them. And the golf tips from David Leadbetter are worth their weight in strokes. Too bad the weather isn’t cooperating. I could go to the pool hall and see what, if anything is happening there. Talk about wasting time.

I’ll listen to France2 in a little while; I don’t know why I do that because I understand so little of what is said. On the other hand I get a word or two more each time I listen to it. This, the audio programs, and TV are all so passive in their nature that I don’t like them; yet I like the results they are getting for me. It’s like overhead, necessary but not productive.

There isn’t much of a future involved with this current set of activities. I didn’t go to the French Meetup last night because I wanted to stay home; yet staying home, alone, is probably the least productive thing I could have done. But OTOH, Johnny called and we had a nice chat. So that wasn’t so bad after all.
Sure would like to get a horse.

There are a dozen things I could be doing but none of them grabs me. I’m not going to make a list of them because I’ll wind up doing them. OTOH I should make a list and do them and then they wouldn’t be hanging around like derelict bums waiting for a handout.

I was bummed out because a Rotarian didn’t get back to me; then he did and when I looked at the calendar it was within a day of my message to him. I just don’t have enough on my plate. But if it ain’t acting, riding, pool, or golf, then I’m not in the mood. But there are a lot of other things on my Endeavors list and I could do any of them, it’s just that the big four are what I really want to do.

I need to memorize the Brother Orchid monolog. That’s a good one for a serious minute and my Guinness Book of Records is fine for the comedy minute.

If I had a horse I’d have to go take care of it; that has been a long standing strategy of mine, get an animal that requires care to stay active.

I suppose if I knew what to do I could stay busy on any and all of my endeavors but a horse would give back; in their own way they do. All of my endeavors, at least all but a few of them don’t require me to do with others.

My dailies are likewise focused on my own behavior and desired actions /reactions with others. So my prescriptions are more self oriented than out there doing with others. And when they are, I’m reluctant to do so.

Any sphere of association takes time to develop, or at least I think it does. When a new group is approached there is a required inuring that has to take place because the first reaction of a group, most of the time, is adverse to the newcomer or at least wary.

My sister called this morning to wish us a happy anniversary; that was nice. It’s the first time she’s called me since mom died two years ago this month. Not that that means anything, she probably has other stuff on her mind. I seem to think that everything is about me; when people don’t call it’s because they don’t like me, don’t want to be around me. That’s how I feel generally. This is stupid thinking on my part but just because it’s stupid doesn’t mean I don’t do it.

I think about going to Midland Trail club house and seeing what’s going on. Well, I’ll find a bunch of guys there who all seem to know each other and who will put up a wall to prevent me from participating; or maybe it is I who puts up the wall. How do I know, it’s happened. So I immediately think it’s something that I look like, or act like, or whatever that is inscribed on my forehead.

I put a message out there for my riding buddy and she hasn’t returned it for more than a week. My conclusion is negative about me. Yet the truth is that it isn’t about me, nobody really cares about me. Now that’s a negative attitude too. It is true, however, that no one calls me; since I don’t call anyone either—you see where that puts me, right here in isolation.

Now that I think about it, this whole entry is about me but then that’s how I get off the dime and start doing again. I sit and complain to me, then do something. Most of the time I do because I feel like I have to; this isn’t always true but mostly. There are some things I do because I like to, they usually relate to my endeavors, even those beyond the big four.

Generally I’m in a foul mood. Have been for several days and I think it must be because I am not doing with others. I pursue my list of things to do but they are somewhat insignificant. Participating with others to achieve a worthy goal; that’s what I’m missing. I need a part in a play.

Another Step Down the Road

So here we are, into the month of September and I haven’t written for quite some time. About what will I write? Well, I’ve used the same strategy often in the past, sit down and start keying and we’ll see what develops.

There are several thoughts that may be worth expanding, one is career oriented and that is tempting; to say the least. Another is on life and living as we close in on older age but that is not as tempting because I don’t think my status is going to change that much for another 15 years or so; I’ve pretty much decided to let the chips fall where they may in the game of life and living unless a curable disease develops.

We just came back from our trip to California and then Las Vegas and that was after a three week sojourn in Virginia Beach, which included some high drama. These and this could lead to all kinds of trouble if I wrote about the details so I’ll just leave them alone.

Where am I at the moment vis-a-vis my chosen career of acting? I’m hanging out; not in class, not involved with a project involving others be it movie, play, or business and I don’t have a clear plan or idea of what to do next.

I believe in me. While away, the idea of being on the top team came into my thinking and I accepted it. I put myself on the “A” team, those who are privileged to be successful in what they do, how they look, and how they behave. I was then turned down for two roles and unsuccessfully auditioned for two paying spots. This doesn’t deter me but it does keep me grounded and realistic.

Then there is the sport that teaches me much about life, golf. My golf game took a turn for the better. It started with a putting strategy and that extended to all the other types of strokes, i.e. tee shots, long and short irons, pitching, and chipping. The extension wasn’t a great leap but natural. It came to me just a month or so ago, either before or during my trip to Virginia Beach and it has made the difference.

It became clear to me that I have studied the game with two superior DVD programs, lessons from professionals; have practiced untold hours and have been playing for a number of years. At one time or another I made par on every hole at Midland Trail and at Long Run Golf Courses, both of which I play regularly. All of a sudden it dawned on me that I know how to play the game except for the really arcane nuances. Yet I was approaching every shot from tee to hole-out as if it was new and different and required cognitive analysis.

The idea came to me to qualitatively examine the putt for slope and distance; take a stance, and simply say to myself, “There’s the hole, here’s the ball; put the ball in the hole,” and then make the stroke. The results were astounding. My putts either go in or get to within one or two feet of the hole. It takes a little discipline to stay calm and keep from over-analyzing the putt; a little more to remember the mantra; and a little more to look from the hole to the ball only once or at most twice after taking my stance. As faith in my previous hard work on the game increases I will make the putt with one look after taking my stance.

This is not to say that there won’t be a generous amount of time taken before addressing the ball, and another increment taken before stroking. I’m saying the look at the hole and back to the ball to hole will be once.

It must have been the next time out when I decided to extend this method to the tee shot. Here I said to myself, “There’s the target, here’s the ball. Hit the ball to the target.” The target is picked before addressing the ball and thinking about all of the other aspects of the swing; then just before the swing take another look at the target, then the ball, and then say it; then hit the ball and see the result. Without recrimination, evaluating the result and calmly requesting adjustments to be made the next time up.

All of this rests on the foundation of grip, stance, and swing characteristics; none of which is abandoned nor forgotten before making the swing. It’s just that the last thing to do is say the mantra. Sounds corny but after six weeks of it and fifteen rounds of golf and many buckets of balls on the range, the results have been most encouraging. Yet I realize it is but another step along the path.

I remember now that I was doing the same in riding. I told myself, I know how to ride, let it go. This extends into pool as well. Pool requires a lot more discipline than golf; at least I find that to be true at this point in time.

It was also used for my last management workshop when we uncovered 100 ideas for fundraising for my local Rotary club. I put the workshop together and wasted no effort in mentally rehearsing it; “I know the material and the procedure; do the workshop.” It is almost like acting, you learn the script, rehearse, and then perform spontaneously—again and again.

Now for the leap; is it possible that this will work for realizing dreams? My life experiences are such that I know how to—whatever. It is a matter of allowing the personae involved to “do it.”

The French Cook

Carola and I decided to have lunch at the Chateau one fine day. We went there, found our way to the café, and sat down. As we sat there, I was aware of heat coming from a source to the left of and behind Carola. As I looked at what I thought was the wall, I began to make out what it was; the massive kitchen cook stove of the Chateau from when it was a going concern. It was painted over with the same color as the rest of the room and almost indistinguishable. It had been cold for a very long time, not used for more than 180 years. Yet, as we sat there I felt the heat of it. Not that it was unbearable, it was tolerable heat but more than warmth; it was the heat of a cook stove.

Floods of visions went through my imagination, there were spectral figures bustling about, all on a culinary mission of some sort, and this went on for some time. Carola called me back to reality but in the background there was this frenetic activity all the while we were there. I didn’t feel threatened or even uncomfortable, as it was I felt quite at home there; as if I was supposed to be there.

This feeling of belonging wasn’t new to me; I’d felt it from the day I made the right turn out of the forest and voila! There was the Chateau du Chantilly staring me in the face. It was larger than life, an apparition. After that, I made that trip frequently, it was one of a variety of ways I could get home from work in Leplessis-Belleville, but this was the only time the Chateau loomed larger than life before me.

Then I could never be without knowing my way around the ville. Although the grounds of the Chateau were strange to me, I was not a stranger in the city and felt even more at home in the older parts than on Avenue de Montmorency where we lived. In the forest and at the Grand Ecuries, there was never a time that I felt in a strange place.

There have been other familiarities for me. One that was also strongly felt was on Maui in Hawaii. I went to a little whaling museum and it was the same type of experience as was Chantilly, especially when I read some authentic log entries and heard “Thar she blows!” with the inflection that was undoubtedly authentic. Then later that night, when walking down the main street of the little tourist trap, I had the feeling that I was there 150 years before and the crowd was not modern day tourists but ships’ crews making a night of it ashore. The feeling was very strong.

I’ve been to hundreds of places throughout the world and have had these feelings only a few times. Others that I can recall as I sit here are: on the Great North Road at the Mount Pleasant Hotel near Doncaster in England, the roadside graves at a location in France on the way to St. Dizier, in Pompeii, at the Harbor in Sydney Australia, on the Newport News Point railroad dock at the foot of 23rd Street, sailing on the Chesapeake Bay off of Old Point Comfort, and generally in San Francisco to name most of them. One can see that the number is small by comparison to my travels. The Chantilly, Pompeii, and Maui experiences were the most significant, although the others were strong enough to get my attention. The question is; what’s going on?

One explanation was that these represent for me some previous existence/ lifetime but now I’m not so sure. Could it be that there are unfinished lifetimes hanging around out here waiting for a sympathetic being to allow them in for completion of a sort? I say hanging around because when I saw the roadside graveyard in France, I was aware of a group of soldiers sort of hanging around in a desultory fashion as if they had nowhere to go. I got the impression that they were lost in despair. So too could other unfinished lives be hanging around the vicinity of their untimely death and when a vulnerable or even cooperative Master chances by they can jump on and work their way to some sort of completion.

Completion for me means permanency. That is to say the Master that inhabits this brain-body works to develop himself to the point that when the brain-body dies, he moves on to another higher plane of existence in the spiritual world. I don’t know if this is a possibility for all the brain-bodies I see walking about but I firmly believe it is for this one and for numerous others.

This Master seems to have more than a modicum of strength/power over this brain-body. He is confident in what he does and it is possible that there is room in here for more than one; i.e. the Chantilly cook may have hooked on and is here for the ride. I don’t feel like the others are. Yet the Master is going about his business of becoming permanent without regard to his little French friend or maybe in spite of or even in addition to him.

In order for an inhabitation to take place there may be some prerequisites. It would seem that there have to be some sympathetic qualities existing between the one needing a ride and the Master. How many of these hitch hikers can one Master abide? At some point the hitch hiker may opt to get off and anywhere along the line another might be picked up. Yet there is a Master working on permanency who may have inhabited this brain-body early on, or who at least is the strongest to have climbed aboard thus far. I am close to concluding that inhabitation can take place at any time during the brain-body lifetime and not necessarily inspiration at first breath as I have previously thought.

Audience

Without doubt the audience is the most important aspect of any entertainment enterprise. Surprisingly it has two opposite connotations; the first is the most obvious, performers and/or performances must have appeal in order to attract an audience; the second is more subtle, a location will attract performers/ performances in direct proportion to the size of audience made available.

Some would submit that audience translates into gate receipts but this is not always the case. Eventually it is the goal of all performers/ producers to attract a paying audience and get rich and famous as a result but on the way up and on the way down performers will often sacrifice gate receipts for the chance to perform.

Unlike a business enterprise where the leverage of power over business operations is the value determinant, performances are directly affected by the appeal they have in attracting an audience. When one sees the size of the audience Lady Gaga, Madonna, the late Michael Jackson, and a few others of exceptional star quality are able to attract, it is evident that the popularity they have achieved, although incrementally, is not accidental or attributable to luck. It never has been, not for all of the thousands of seekers of stardom. It is, however, the result of a series of organized marketing and production activities that are focused on creating an image that all at the same time entertains, amuses, shocks, and, most of all, allows a large number of people to vicariously participate in the success.

The star becomes the central product of an enterprise comprised of many people in various roles to assure success; much like any other business enterprise. Although it may seem to be an entrourage, it is an organization devoted to the marketing and production of the star performance.

Some attain stardom and lose one or more of the above product attributes and flame out like a comet streaking through the upper atmosphere. Others maintain an appeal for a number of years until finally reaching the end of a product life cycle. That product life cycle may be measured in increments starting at fifteen minutes (everyone’s) of fame and lasting for days, months, years, and even a lifetime. There are durable entertainment stars who remain stars into their eighties, and longer, as did George Burns who lived to be 99 and was booked to do his 100th birthday on stage when he died.

The fact of the matter is that careers have to be managed to produce the results that are desired. These can be measured in terms of fame, riches, acclaim, awards, and perhaps other terms that are important to the careerist. It doesn’t happen by chance.

Who manages a career? The careerist up to a point and then he/she is approached by the next other who sees some possibilities and takes over the management and then another, and another until the big league is reached. Then much of what happens is the result of this management and the success or failure is keyed directly to it. The performer has, by this time, demonstrated some skill and ability in performing and has the potential, desire, and capability to adapt to the demanding requirements of fame.

Acting requires an ability to assume a role so completely that the actor can become that character, saying the lines of the script but living the situation he is in as the character being portrayed. There is no separation between the actor and the character; the actor so completely assumes the role that even his ad lib conversation during the sublimation is as the character and not as the actor.

Is it possible for me, at this late date, to set out on a career path that would approach fame and fortune? "Nothing is impossible," "One cannot make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear," two relevant statements. Often I am too objective in my thinking, too pragmatic for my own good.

I have always had a set of unrealistically high ideals and tried to perform to those ideals. Until now my performances have been in business management and training. I’ve done well but objectively feel that I have performed at the mid level. I O W there are no large audiences following me around paying to see me perform; my business star has faded and become a black hole as far as anyone else is concerned. My training star never made it over the horizon. There is nothing unique, wonderful, different, appealing, or noteworthy about what I think, say, and do in front of an audience. Why is that?

Sometimes I think that G’s mirror is in play, in a way. G’s mirror, as you may recall, is seeing in others what you see in yourself. And when you come across as seeing yourself as having a lack of ability and capability in front of an audience you are discounted, tolerated but dismissed for future consideration.

It could be that if I could see myself as able, capable, engaging, and fully assimilated into the role I am playing; I would attract the attention necessary to create a demand for my performance. It would have to be at the deepest most profound level of my being and not a consciously assumed set of attributes.

As there have been in golf, pool, and riding, moments of euphoric experience when the ball arcs toward the target, the holy grail of pool is achieved—even once, or when the horse and I were as one going over the fences, so too have there been performances that are noteworthy. One for example was a video made at the shipyard to welcome a new IBM executive. I stood in front of the Dorothy and delivered in one exceptional take.

All of these experiences indicate that I have what it takes. What I seem to be missing is repeating the performance consistently and without fail, in other words, professionally. Actually, I have repeated performances on stage more consistently than in any other endeavor. This is what gives me the idea that I can be a stage/film performer.

It is daunting that I have so far to go and I’m starting at such a late date. I was on a roll at Tenneco and it was interrupted in 1988 when the company went into decline. I didn’t have enough self-confidence/ image to reassume a corporate career; in fact, I didn’t know what that was at the time. Then a lack of knowing the business of training caused me to get out of the Executrain franchise. Now I am unsure of what others think of my performances on stage and platform. What to do?

How Long Should I Stay

A foursome finishes their round of golf and heads into the clubhouse where they sit in each other’s company for a while, usually drinking something, and shooting the breeze; then there comes a point when the meeting is over. This is the subject of today.

There seems to inevitably come a point when further association is no longer useful or desirable. This is true in almost every encounter, be it a business meeting or a retail sale. There is nothing further to be gained from continuing to be in each other’s company so the parties part ways. Staying beyond this point can have undesirable consequences for the relationship.

This is a phenomenon of which I am only recently becoming aware but as I reflect on it, it rings true almost to the point of being a postulate. People create opportunities to get into the presence of others by setting appointments, having routines that put them in contact with others, such as breakfast in the same diner, or lunch at a variety of same places, or simply go to public places where they see others as in a business center, mall, or park. There must be something about seeing familiar faces even though not necessarily interacting with them, that is reassuring.

But there is a point beyond which remaining in the presence of or in the location of others becomes uncomfortable and we must move on. In a business situation it approximately an hour, in a social situation it is measured in minutes.

 Almost anyone can recall the social situation where one was in casual conversation with another and it just went on too long or it became obvious that there was nothing left to say but there didn’t seem to be a graceful way out. It happens in business too but the parties seem to shrug and part ways, often without even saying goodbye.

It is quite different when the association is for a purpose, then the parties remain in each other’s presence as long as it is necessary to accomplish the purpose at hand. This is true in competitive situations where a game has duration and the players remain until it is over.

 Even in these situations there are times when play is suspended because further interaction is futile but more often than not the players see it through to the end, regardless. It is true in work situations where people are cooperating in order to achieve a common purpose. They remain together, often using the time together for other purposes as well.

The Gin Game, a play by D.L. Coburn, uses this social phenomenon to explore the feelings of two people who are in the throes of lonely later years, each in denial but the truth is evident to the other. It is a game that requires them to remain in each other’s presence longer than the optimum and this leads to hidden feelings being revealed each to the other, feelings come out even though the people don’t want them to.

In a 4th Way sense, there are personae who have to get it out there for others to comment on in order to better deal with it; yet there are personae who don’t want to reveal their feelings, who are afraid, or at least reluctant to become intimate.

Perhaps this is an underlying purpose of being with others. There may be personae in the Being that need to reveal unrequited feelings but because we are comprised of discrete personae the Being may not even be aware of it. Yet he knows that by interacting with others, socializing, the opportunity to reconcile the discomfiture will arise and be settled.

This is an insight: for some time the definition or identification of “Director” has eluded me but now it can be seen that Director is the persona that allows others to be in control of the brain-body when that is necessary or desirable; he will now be identified as Being because he has an even larger role to play.

Being is he who is engaged in achieving permanence. In order to progress towards that aim he has to deal with/ cope with all that this lifetime of associations and experiences brings his way. He creates personae as needed and uses them, sometimes the same one over and over for the same, or similar experiences. Used frequently enough, personae become part of the “personality” of the brain-body and are recognized by others.

 He recognizes that personae may have loose ends, or unfinished business, or unrequited needs that resulted from interrupted activities but may not know the precise personae that need attention. He, therefore, puts the brain-body in play, so to speak, by getting among others and allowing those personae with needs to be satisfied.

Then too there is the possibility that Being is aware of more than is cognitive to the brain-body. An example of this and only one of many, happened last Monday at the film shoot. I was sitting in the shade with Carola without any need to move when I got up and walked around to the other side of the Boat Club building. I mean I simply arose and started walking without questioning myself as to why and without having any destination in mind. As I rounded the building I heard my name, it was my agent saying she was trying to get in touch with me about a film shoot on Wednesday.

There are more ways that Being uses to attain aim than of which brain-body is aware. We have invented computers, networks, and the internet to allow us to communicate. It has long been evident to me that this same capability exists innately in the brain-body and it is used by the Being for his purposes, in his pursuit of aim.

Being is not unique to this brain-body and many, not necessarily all, brain-bodies have Being. It is quite a leap to realize that Beings communicate without the brain-body even being aware of it.

The Going

There is the level to which we aspire, then there is the level at which we are. There are differences in our mind about these perceptions. Where we are is a level of which we aren’t necessarily aware. Others see us. They, along with us, approve/ disapprove, judge competency and status, and generally form an overall opinion. These opinions are worthless to us except that when they are generally held they can either support or destroy.

The level to which we aspire is an ideal. It is attainable but at the same time a moving horizon which continues at a distance whereto we never arrive no matter how fast we go. There is no there; the finish line is moving, fixed only at death.

This moving horizon is one of the most important realizations one can have. When a child we see teenagers and aspire to be one, then we aspire to adulthood. As an adult we aspire to levels of recognition or achievement, or both, and while others may see us as having “made it” we always strive for the next whatever. It may be a skill, a job, possession, partner, and/or amount of money, recognition in the form of a medal, award, or board membership. There is always that which we would have but don’t.

Others observing us form opinions ranging from admiration through indifference to envy and even hatred. These opinions are a matter of comparison to their own situation. When they are engaged in the pursuit of s.t. and see one who is likewise engaged, they can be positive and constructive and admire, study, and model. When they are frustrated by their own fruitless pursuit, the negative emotions come out in the form of envy and even hatred.

We, on the other hand, are only casually aware of our achievement. Working for it over a long period of time, it creeps up on us and we are comfortable with our performance as we move on. For the most part we aren’t even aware of the level we have attained. We see signs of recognition and discount them as not being all that important. All the while we are working for achievement we incrementally raise the bar to a higher level and don’t dwell on where we are but rather where we are going.

Acceptance is the bane of growth. When we accept ourselves as being you name it, we are no longer engaged in the pursuit of an ideal. This is the end of personal growth and it can come at any age or it can be avoided at any age. An actor who upon receiving an Oscar decides that he has reached the summit of his success will fade from the screen and be forgotten except by historians.

There are those who upon achieving a modicum of success in a field, abandon it and take up another. I am one of these. It seems that reaching the pinnacle of success is not my goal in life. For me it is like sailing; the pleasure is in the going not the arriving. As I reflect on my life from the vantage point of more than 70 years, I see that keeping my interest stimulated in a pursuit is paramount. If I feel that there is no more to be discovered, learned, or devised, I am likely to lose interest and leave the field. Levels of money, position, power, and fame have been side effects of some of my activities but not the motivation.

Sometimes I think that these have been deterrents for me. I have no basis for dealing with great amounts of any one of them much less all of them. I’ve been in situations where any or all of them could have come my way but I found a way out and demurred for one reason or another.

Understanding that they can come along with achievement may have been a reason for not making it. The scepter of capability arises but as I look at others, I can see that I am as whatever as they except in the willingness to take the plunge. So far, and it is quite far, I have not made the connection between capability and recognition (money, position, power, and fame.)

One conclusion I am reaching is that it just doesn’t happen without setting one or all of them as a goal and taking steps to achieve it. There isn’t a panel of experts sitting in the wings looking at the billions of people in the world and saying, “Aha! There’s our next hero.” No, it is incumbent on the hero to make his reputation, exploit his meager capabilities, and step into the spotlight at every opportunity. Then a swell of recognition will begin to rise and if it takes form may raise him to that status. The decision has to be made; the desire recognized, the work has to be done; humbly asking for help, compromises made, and sacrifices offered then, with persistence and unity of being, success will be achieved.

There is another take on this. The money, position, power, and fame of today are forgotten tomorrow. Is it more important to be satisfied with one’s efforts and position and take life as it comes? One can spend his lifetime chasing some holy grail and be satisfied that he did the best he could or one can spend his life chasing money, position, power, and fame; come up short and die disappointed.

“To thine own self be true” is the advice to follow. If one can see the path to glory and decide to take it; he must enjoy the walk as he goes; here and there will be interesting people, starts and stops, a wonderful view, a comfortable inn in which to rest, then once again out on the endless road, perhaps the yellow brick road toward the skyline of the Emerald City. But he must remember his goal is the corner office on the thirtieth floor of 10th and Milam in Houston Texas.