A Mystery of Life

Where on Earth did I put that thing? The question is posed in my mind, clueless as to where it is. Then, for no apparent reason, I go into the other room, and my eyes go to it.  I haven't really looked there, but my eyes see it.  This happens enough to generalize that it is not me, on an intentional, thoughtful way looking for whatever, it is me on a deeper level knowing where it is and going to it.

And it doesn't have to be seeing it.  A misplaced tablet was recovered when, for no apparent reason, I slid my hand into the gap between the armrest and seat cushion of my recliner chair. Or, my hand goes up involuntarily to the top of my head to locate my glasses which were, earlier, pushed up there and no longer even felt as being there.

Driving, late at night, in a downpour of rain in an area to which I had not been in years, I turned this way and that only to arrive at a recognized intersection that took me to my destination.  I didn't consciously decide to make those turns. Somewhere, deeper in my mind, there was memory of the area.

At the time of this occurrence, which was about 1958, St. Louis had more than 800,000 people in the city. Two friends of mine were in from out of town.  I knew they were somewhere downtown, the central business and shopping area, but I didn't have a clue where.  It was afternoon, I got on the Lee Avenue bus and rode it to downtown, got off and simply walked among the crowd of shoppers.  Voila! there they were.

There are occasions when we are made aware, as opposed to thinking through.  It also happens when we are with someone.  All of a sudden we are aware that something is off. We make an excuse to leave; when we don't the situation sours.

I am not proposing anything here, not analyzing.  I am reporting.  It's food for thought.

The Present Perfect

 

Every week on Sunday, I sit down and review where I am in my quest for results.  There is a variety of things that I'm pursuing and there is a variety of things for which I am responsible, all of which define my activities, at least the activities that I think need doing.  For whatever reason, I often get sidetracked during  the day.

I just finished that review for this week, and I took a good look at the details.  There were a few minor changes to be made to bring it into alignment with the current situation.  The revisions were slight and don't change my major trajectory, which is performing.  My entire "dream world" is that, and I am certain of it.  I am not, however, certain of success, only certain that I must work to achieve it.  The degree of success that I will achieve is uncertain.  Success is relative and ill-defined, it lives in the opinion of the achiever, but is colored by the opinions of others.

The present is the doorway in which we stand, the doorway to the future.  The past, which has happened, can't be changed.  It can, however, be selectively remembered.  And that is a way we have of protecting us from being daunted by setbacks and failures. 

Then there's the world between the present and the past, the world in which we live, the present perfect tense. It is concerned with what started in the past and continues in the present.  This is where we live, coping with what is going on, attempting to make it work out successfully for us.

That this definition, this concept, this tense, exists means that others have reached this realization.  I think I have had an intellectual understanding of the grammar, but now I have a philosophical understanding of it and I'm pleased about that.  It allows me to understand life and living more completely.  It also allows me to deal more rationally with what's going on around me.  

A Few Words

"Look at the ball." Sounds good, eh? In golf, it is the mantra that has made all the difference, for me.  I have, over the course of time, tried any number of ways to keep my head down when I swing the club.  And now, after all these years, I found it. It almost sounds too simple.  Those words, repeated just before the backswing cause me to look at the point on the ball that I want to hit. And the ball takes off on a nice smooth arc.  Age has shortened my distance but the good hit makes all the difference. 

"Make it big, and make it fast," the corporate guy from Tenneco said to me when I was tagged to lead the implementation of computer aided design in the engineering departments at the shipyard.  A complete revision to the working of hundreds of designers and engineers.  And in its final form, it affected all of the production processes of the company.  A huge success.

Those few words, with almost no further explanation, guided me for the next three years as we went from almost zero to fully implemented. They were in the back of my mind from the only time I heard them. In retrospect, it occurs to me that no one knew what it was going to take to make it happen.

"Don't ever reverse a profit," the V-P who was promoting me to a corporate officer job in the industrial products subsidiary.  Four years later, through thick and thin, major contract change-orders were finally settled for more than I was carrying them on the books.  

There was even a dicey situation that required the parent company president to intervene in a super-charged meeting at the corporate offices of the customer.  At one point he said, "I want my money, and I want it now!" and slammed his hand down on the table.  That did it. Another example of a few words making all the difference.

Now my mantra for daily living is "Pay attention," and it applies to everything that I'm doing--period.  I can have a lot going on in the background, but attending to the task at hand eliminates a lot of mistakes. On the other hand, not paying attention, in the moment, leads to stumbles, drops, spills, and breaks.

A few words seem to be the key to success.  A few words followed by a lot of work. 

And now, a few days later, it comes to mind that this is the way dreams work.  A few words, e.g. I want to be rich and famous, that resonate with the mind.  Then a while later, it could be years, voila! C'est vrai.  What we have described above is how dreams are made and realized.  A few words followed by a lot of work.

Understanding

Just recently, the face of a childhood friend appeared in a dream.  He was no longer 11 years old but a mature man, in about his 30's, and there was no mistaking that it was he.  We greeted each other, had a handshake and a quick man-hug.  Then he was gone again.  After several days I was unable to reach a conclusion as to why.  I simply put it aside.  After all, my friend has been dead for a number of years now.

A piece of the puzzle is that for more than a year now one of the other residents of this rather large apartment complex, has taken great pains to avoid me.  When we first met, as is the usual thing, we talked about from whence we came.  He said he went to a certain school and, what do you know? it is the same one from which I graduated.  Because of our ages, we would have overlapped by a couple of years.  Shortly after that, I noticed the aversion.

It isn't my imagination.  Cases in point: I saw him retreat to a corner where my view of him was blocked until I got on the elevator and it departed; another time, he and his wife got off the elevator, on which they were, to go down.  When I got on with them, they bolted off.  Another time, they left the fitness center, before their therapy session was over, when I arrived to do my workout.

All of this made me wonder, what on earth?! So I researched graduation records from my school for several years before and after my graduation.  His name was not among those who graduated.

Another piece of the puzzle is me.  I invested in a business venture that went nowhere under my leadership.  Another resident, here, turns out to be the father-in-law of the person who bought that business.  When invited to have dinner with them, I demurred saying that I didn't want to be reminded of all that.  That I'd be happy to say hello and be social, but I did not want to spend a lot of time with them.  It seems to have been understood, and our relationship hasn't been affected by it.  I saw them, greeted them, and traded some small talk, then moved on.  My, less than successful, business attempt, was finally faced and reconciled in my mind by admitting that I had not realized the success I'd imagined.  

Back to my grade school friend.  He was the victim of a sexual predator, a homosexual choir master who preyed on several of the boys.  It became known among the school children but not specifically my friend's experience.  Although I became aware of it, maybe he confided in me.  I don't remember. This friend and I went to the same high school and the same college but never associated with each other after grade school.  I didn't think anything of it, ever, until now.  He had experienced something of which he didn't want to be reminded, and associating with me would have done that.  Now I know and understand.  He appeared in a dream; perhaps my mind was at work, to resolve some issues.

This whole thing is quite interesting.  My mind mulled over events that occurred more than 65 years ago, as well has events that occurred more than 25 years ago, and played them against events that are now occurring, and reached an understanding of it all.  We all do things, of which we don't want to be reminded.  Unless we face them, we will continue to be haunted by them.

  

Memorizing Script

 The rehearsal process is complete on this latest production. The final step for me was to go through my part, from start to finish, in mind.  Now, for good, or not, this is the process I use for getting the role in mind.

1) Read, and if possible view, the entire play.  I watch video and read the script.  All to get a sense of what it is about.  This, however, only gives me a general view of the piece.

2) The initial read-through by the entire cast is important because it gives the other characters voice.  It also begins to bring the script into focus, which is a slow process.

3) The next step, even as rehearsals begin, is a digital file, usually in a spreadsheet workbook format, that contains the script.  If a digital copy of it exists, even .pdf, it can be brought over to the spreadsheet.

4) My character's lines are then isolated in a column marked Me.  Other columns are "the other", moves (blocking), and initials, being the initial letter of each word of my lines.  This may be seen as time consuming, but it is worth the effort.

5) The entire role, including preceding and succeeding others, is then audio recorded using Audacity (or similar recording program). The cue lines (from other character to mine) are recorded as are the next line after my lines.

6) That file is edited using Audacity, deleting my lines but leaving the same silent space for them to be read/recited off mic.

ASIDE: in capturing and recording the script, only the preceding and succeeding lines are displayed and recorded along with my lines.  All others are indicated by name only.

7) Then the rote begins, and continues daily, 1x, or even 2x or 3x per, until the play is ended.

8) Rehearsal brings in the blocking, which is added as notes in another column.  It also allows one to develop interactions with the others; as in, do I like/dislike, admire/abhor, love/hate them, and why? In fact, the relationship lies on a continuum from one extreme to the other and can change during the course of the action.

9) Monologues may require additional emotional content and, therefore, can be copied into their own file for study purposes.  They may take more time than the rest of the script due to their emotional arc.

10) A cryptic outline of my part is then compiled/written/derived, to cue lines and allow the flow of the scenes to be "seen" in short form.  It can include hints for action/movement for quick reference during the beginning phases of rehearsal, then used off-stage when working "off-book"

11) The rote is repeated daily until the whole thing is in mind, clicks.

12) It is repeated/ reviewed before each performance and even on off-days.

At some point, it all will be in mind to the point that it is no longer necessary to keep the rote going.  It is, however, good to refer to the cryptic outline to avoid omissions and errors in blocking until the actor is absolutely sure of it all.

Master Revisited

 

Over time, I've referred to a part of my being as Master.  As is the case with a developing understanding of Life and Living, I have altered my opinion. That to which I have referred as Master is the impressed framework of allowable choices and behaviors.  This framework is "tres forte"  in that to make decisions contrary to it can cause an extreme reaction.

In vernacular parlance, this situation is called going against one's conscience.  All of my examination of the ins and outs of my experiences lead me right back to the accepted version of judging behavior.  It either agrees or disagrees with our conscience.  When the behavior is violaties conscience,  we can experience harmful results, induced by psychological reactions.

It is somewhat reassuring to note that the opinions of the past can be seen to agree with the conclusions of the present.

A Winning Strategy

This winning strategy, there may be more than one, has five components, each of which has to be in place at the time of the competition/performance. They are: (1) Intelligence, (2) Imagination, (3) Discipline, (4) Emotional Control, and (5) Practiced Personae.

Intelligence consists of knowledge of the game, and the ability to formulate a series of future actions, during the competition that will move the performer towards the win.  It also includes the ability to read the competition and adjust the game plan to take advantage of opportunities.  It draws on experience in not only this competition, but all previous.

Imagination consists of extrapolating the information gathered by intelligence into a plan of action.  All of what has transpired earlier, all the way back to the very beginning, is available for imagination to use.

Discipline is in the form of knowing what to do and doing it.  It has to be an integral part of a person.  It is part and parcel of the individual as affairs are conducted, in and out of competition.

Emotional Control is in the form of dealing with an evolving situation that may, or may not, be according to plan.  Emotions are evoked by both successful and unsuccessful results.  They can also come from reacting to a competitor's performance.  There's a tendency to compare during competition and this comparison can evoke an emotional response.  It even goes deeper into self-image, history of success and failures, damaging self-talk, and reactions to perceived judgement by others.  Suffice it to say that when emotions gain influence, results can be affected.  Admittedly, sometimes positively, but most of the time not so.

Practice builds a level of skill.  Actively thinking about the act to be taken is detrimental to the success of the action.  Consciously allowing the practiced persona to take the action allows that practice to be utilized.  This turnover needs to be made at the instant of the action, be it a swing, a shot, a step, or whatever.  If other personae get involved, the result is compromised.  That involvement has the same affect as spectators distracting the players.  Once the act is taken, the other aspects of the strategy come back into play.

This strategy works for any and all performances, regardless.