How Long Should I Stay

A foursome finishes their round of golf and heads into the clubhouse where they sit in each other’s company for a while, usually drinking something, and shooting the breeze; then there comes a point when the meeting is over. This is the subject of today.

There seems to inevitably come a point when further association is no longer useful or desirable. This is true in almost every encounter, be it a business meeting or a retail sale. There is nothing further to be gained from continuing to be in each other’s company so the parties part ways. Staying beyond this point can have undesirable consequences for the relationship.

This is a phenomenon of which I am only recently becoming aware but as I reflect on it, it rings true almost to the point of being a postulate. People create opportunities to get into the presence of others by setting appointments, having routines that put them in contact with others, such as breakfast in the same diner, or lunch at a variety of same places, or simply go to public places where they see others as in a business center, mall, or park. There must be something about seeing familiar faces even though not necessarily interacting with them, that is reassuring.

But there is a point beyond which remaining in the presence of or in the location of others becomes uncomfortable and we must move on. In a business situation it approximately an hour, in a social situation it is measured in minutes.

 Almost anyone can recall the social situation where one was in casual conversation with another and it just went on too long or it became obvious that there was nothing left to say but there didn’t seem to be a graceful way out. It happens in business too but the parties seem to shrug and part ways, often without even saying goodbye.

It is quite different when the association is for a purpose, then the parties remain in each other’s presence as long as it is necessary to accomplish the purpose at hand. This is true in competitive situations where a game has duration and the players remain until it is over.

 Even in these situations there are times when play is suspended because further interaction is futile but more often than not the players see it through to the end, regardless. It is true in work situations where people are cooperating in order to achieve a common purpose. They remain together, often using the time together for other purposes as well.

The Gin Game, a play by D.L. Coburn, uses this social phenomenon to explore the feelings of two people who are in the throes of lonely later years, each in denial but the truth is evident to the other. It is a game that requires them to remain in each other’s presence longer than the optimum and this leads to hidden feelings being revealed each to the other, feelings come out even though the people don’t want them to.

In a 4th Way sense, there are personae who have to get it out there for others to comment on in order to better deal with it; yet there are personae who don’t want to reveal their feelings, who are afraid, or at least reluctant to become intimate.

Perhaps this is an underlying purpose of being with others. There may be personae in the Being that need to reveal unrequited feelings but because we are comprised of discrete personae the Being may not even be aware of it. Yet he knows that by interacting with others, socializing, the opportunity to reconcile the discomfiture will arise and be settled.

This is an insight: for some time the definition or identification of “Director” has eluded me but now it can be seen that Director is the persona that allows others to be in control of the brain-body when that is necessary or desirable; he will now be identified as Being because he has an even larger role to play.

Being is he who is engaged in achieving permanence. In order to progress towards that aim he has to deal with/ cope with all that this lifetime of associations and experiences brings his way. He creates personae as needed and uses them, sometimes the same one over and over for the same, or similar experiences. Used frequently enough, personae become part of the “personality” of the brain-body and are recognized by others.

 He recognizes that personae may have loose ends, or unfinished business, or unrequited needs that resulted from interrupted activities but may not know the precise personae that need attention. He, therefore, puts the brain-body in play, so to speak, by getting among others and allowing those personae with needs to be satisfied.

Then too there is the possibility that Being is aware of more than is cognitive to the brain-body. An example of this and only one of many, happened last Monday at the film shoot. I was sitting in the shade with Carola without any need to move when I got up and walked around to the other side of the Boat Club building. I mean I simply arose and started walking without questioning myself as to why and without having any destination in mind. As I rounded the building I heard my name, it was my agent saying she was trying to get in touch with me about a film shoot on Wednesday.

There are more ways that Being uses to attain aim than of which brain-body is aware. We have invented computers, networks, and the internet to allow us to communicate. It has long been evident to me that this same capability exists innately in the brain-body and it is used by the Being for his purposes, in his pursuit of aim.

Being is not unique to this brain-body and many, not necessarily all, brain-bodies have Being. It is quite a leap to realize that Beings communicate without the brain-body even being aware of it.