What Are They Going to Think

My essay entitled Animals Don't Do It dealt with how a person feels about a situation.  This one is to bring in the aspect of how he thinks others are thinking about him in a situation.

As much, if not more, angst is felt when we think about how others accept what we did.  Any action we take is subject to at least two reviews, our own and that of others.  Problem is, there are as many "others" as see, or hear about, what we did.

Politicians develop a tough skin out of necessity.  They act and there is always a reaction.  Most of them, no matter how moral and ethical they are, are subject to criticism to the nth degree by detractors, both powerful and petty.  Just look at how the Clintons, G. W. Busch, Obama,Trump,  et al are treated by their detractors; many of us would buckle under the pressure, at least I think I would.

The time to think about what/how another will take what we do or say is before the fact.  This, however, is not an easy thing to do.  Too much consideration and, voila! the opportunity is gone and we lost out.  Not enough consideration and, voila! one has a problem on his hands.  

This why a good moral and ethical framework within to act and state is so important.  If what we do and say fits our moral and ethical framework, then whatever the repercussions we are able to be at peace in our own mind that we are OK.

That is not to say that we don't offend family and friends at times.  It is, however, to say that if we have a good basis for our action and it can serve as a starting point for reconciliation.   

If we act in opposition to our moral and ethical framework, we have the possibility of asking for forgiveness and make a resolution to be more careful in the future.  Making the judgement and responding accordingly is all we can do.  

I realize that not everyone in my life is a supporter.   Among my friends and family there are those that love me for whatever reason but then again there are a large number of those who do not agree with what I say and do.  Others that may be envious of me for whatever reason.  Then there are those who have their own problems with which they are unable to deal and displace their frustrations to others; in some cases, me.  Then there are the rest who simply don't care.

There are several ways to deal with it this realization.  One, I can ignore the torpedoes and continue to live my life.  Or two, I can try to please everyone and probably lose everything in the process.  Or  three, I can be sensitive to the criticism of the more meaningful people in my life and be guided accordingly.  The best course of action is a combination of one and three.

When considering a response one has to identify the critic and make his own judgement about the motivation for the criticism.  In most cases, where the critic is not a family member or a close friend, attempting to respond rationally doesn't even enter the picture.

These attacks are made with any number of motives, usually not specifically related to the act being criticized.  To respond at all is a waste of time and effort.  The attacker has an agenda and it doesn't include a discussion of the reasons for the act or the attack.

This post could go on for a long time about the types and motivations for attacks.  My thinking is that they can all be generalized accurately by saying that they derive from a reaction to some dissatisfaction with the attacker's own personal situation.

When the criticism comes from a family member or close friend, a rational response is best but one has to sensitive to the other being ready for such an attempt.  Often an emotional mindset is not recognized in the moment  and any attempt to explain or defuse the situation may fail.  One great strategy is to let it settle for a while so that the other can likewise be rational.  Like grounds in your coffee, it is more pleasant to drink it when they settle to the bottom.

Suffice it to say that this is a complex set of situations, we deal wiht them daily and for the most part do it well enough to placate family and friends and leave the others to their own devices.