Vocalizing the Dream

Why did I work in the shipyard so long?  The pay wasn't competitive and yet I stayed there because I didn't know that I could do any better.  Is not knowing another way of saying I didn't think I was worthy of more or better, or was I simply satisfied with what I had and what I was doing?

But most of this is simply sour grapes.  I wanted to work there, it was the premiere shipyard in the world; I excelled in every job that I had, was recognized and promoted to management and then to the parent company headquarters.  In the meantime we raised our kids in a good environment; they had enough of a foundation to make their way in the world.  I didn't feel the need to do any better.  I should stop here but the urge to talk it out has to be satisfied.

At times I bemoaned the fact that I had to do it all by myself without the moral support of a trusted mentor and adviser.  I suppose I am something of a blockhead because there was rarely anyone to whom I would listen and I remember a few times that I was given advice and only two bits of it that took.

My father-in-law said to go to work for a large corporation and stay there and that was good advice at the time.  Another mentor advised me to go back for a degree in Naval Architecture which I didn't take but went back for an MBA on my own volition.  My boss, upon appointing me Controller-Treasurer of a shipyard subsidiary, simply told me, “Don’t ever reverse a profit.”  Good advice that I heeded through thick and thin as we battled for change-order payments.

My thinking was somewhat limited and kept me in the middle management ranks as I reflect back now on my jobs and for whom I worked.  It was limited by that to which I was exposed and my reluctance to be imaginative and open to higher ideals.

The ideas and philosophy of the level of executive ranks above me was not apparent to me and I wasn't able to figure it out.  I was a camel and thought of myself as a good one while not seeing that the leaders were horses.  Somehow others figured it out but not I.  I suppose I thought I was doing as well as I possibly could.  

Keeping my own counsel may have been a disadvantage.  Things that happened to me when I was growing up made me distrust people “above” me.  Now I know especially one precise incident that was all but forgotten but not really.  Rarely did I confide in my "superiors" what I was thinking.  This prevented any flow of ideas and philosophy from them and ergo stunted my thinking.

The real benefit of all this comes from realizing these things and not letting them discourage or deflate me.  I can look back on a career in engineering and management and see great accomplishments.  My foray into business was doomed from the start by much of the above and my bullheadedness and even there I got out with my shirt; no mean feat.

Then reflecting on two shipyard associates, one was a peer and the other a subordinate; I see differences that led to the different outcomes.  The peer was not bound by pride of accomplishment but rather expediently rolled with the waves; he was intelligent, personable, and compliant; willing to play a subordinate role in exchange for being in the room with those who made the big decisions.  He eventually became a vice-president and then president of the company, leading it to a successful, and profitable for the stockholders, take-over by a larger corporation.

The subordinate was loyal, incredibly intelligent, and idealistic.  He was ambitious and had an abiding belief in his own success.  He had big and unrealistic ideas but pursued them because he believed in them.  Few of them panned out but his belief in them obtained for him the chance to try them and in a very real sense he became highly successful.  His ideas led him to positions in other technology companies where he made millions in compensation.

None of my peers was smarter or better educated; it was self-reliance that stymied me, I may have had too much of it.  I was a top player on a minor league team when success would have been a starter on a major league team.  Now I’m retired from the game but it is not too late for this introspection.

Acting is the same as other paths I've taken, I have big dreams and the belief that I am worthy of them, which comes from within.  Sharing and vocalizing dreams are important regardless of what others say and think.  Finding and associating with successful others of like mind are likewise important ingredients.  

 

 A path in life can be more pleasant and successful when it is walked in the company of others of like mind; others who are open and honest, who share their thoughts and feelings; those that aren't and won’t need to be shunned.  And feeling worthy of your dreams is per-requisite to achieving them.

Make the contact; that is the directive.  Think in terms of finding those who have similar aspirations; the admonition.  You look fine, you act refined, you have a good vocabulary and write well.  You are not in competition with these others but rather in the same boat.  If they get the part, if they get the publicity, if they get the big pay; it’s OK.  If, for some reason you make a poor choice, not to worry.  They can use you but they can’t use you up.

Unshakable faith in the realization of your dreams will overcome any setback you may have.  By any objective measure, you are worthy of being successful whatever you decide to do or to get.

The vector of time is always pointing to the future; the past is gone and best forgotten except to learn lessons from experiences, good and bad.  This dissertation is part of that learning experience, the value of vocalizing the dream.