Is There Another Way?

Wipe the slate clean.  This is the admonition I am giving to me now that I’ve planned the year ahead according to the way I have done it for many years.  Now is not the time to go into the history of the planning process so I am not going to revisit any of that as I go forward.
 

When I say wipe the slate clean, I mean throw out all of the preconceived notions about what is and isn’t, or what I would like it to be and do a recalculation based on some desires that are yet to be discovered or defined.  What could they be?  By definition, I don’t know.

This is where I found myself many years ago when I took control of my activities to some extent.  Now I want to revisit that frame of mind and see if it results in anything new or different.  It is going to be tres difficile because I am surrounded by the results of where we’ve been and how we got to where we are.  This house and our belongings all reflect the choices made over the past many years.

In fact, however, we are always at a place where we can do differently with or without the aid of a disaster that takes away what we have amassed.  A disaster can be simulated by simply walking away from what we have and what we are doing.  This was the advice I heard given by a psychologist on a radio talk show to a person contemplating suicide; she said to give everything away.  Thinking about that, it would certainly simulate suicide.

I have often looked at what I have and wanted to discard what I thought was not useful anymore.  It is difficult to throw something away.  Things I haven’t used for years appear to be easy targets until I am in the act of discarding them and then all of a sudden they become difficult to toss.

This is the same with my life as I am living it now.  I want to get out of the traces but thinking about actually doing it gives me pause.  So, I’ll fool myself by saying it is an exercise in imagination; a stroll down a different path for life and living.  Would it be so difficult to stop doing what I am and do something different?

Reflecting on the past several years I would say that I've done this and continue to do so even though I have this regimented approach to life.  There are some things I am doing now that I wasn't doing 5 to 10 years ago such as acting and playing competitive pool, so it isn't as if I am in some sort of rut when it comes to endeavors. 

There are other things that I have been doing continuously for years and years such as writing, golf, and horseback riding with only slight improvement.  Other things have clicked, such as cooking and entertaining, and have shown marked improvement.  Some endeavors have been abandoned over time such as management, sailing, and Dale Carnegie training.  One can objectively say, therefore, that some evolution of activities has taken place.

If I am going to change the direction and focus of my life, I will have to start back at the beginning of the planning process and go from there. What I have now is integrated for Planning Categories, Life Categories, and Traits and Features. Endeavors are consistent with all of these and…”De lawd smiled down on de whole persession.”

As I sit here and muse about it, I can readily see that just like going through my clothes closet I am not going to throw away what I have and start over again.  Even doing so would retrace what I've done so far and would lead me back to the same place where I am right now.

Just for the sake of argument, let’s say we lock up the house, cars in the garage and leave it along with all of our possessions for an indeterminate period of time, taking only our ATM card and whatever cash we have in the account. 

We could keep up with our mortgage and other payments using library PC’s wherever we are, move about using public transportation such as planes, trains, buses, and rental cars, buy whatever clothes we need as we need them and discard whatever we aren't wearing or using.  By necessity we would have only what could be carried along in a small case.

Where would we go, what would we do, and why?  This leads me back to where we are now.  We are limited now by our lack of imagination and would again be so limited if we were to abandon all and go away. 

Would we wind up in a homeless shelter or sitting for hours on a park bench trying to think of the next thing to do or place to go?  How is that so different from what we do now?  Then as now we would be only limited by our imagination.   No, starting out without a destination is not possible or is it?

Starting out without a destination requires that one be open to any and all possibilities that come up during the course of events.  It would require that one meet all circumstances with an attitude of acceptance of people and events, making the most of the opportunities that present themselves.

The allure of it is the uncertainty; waking up in the morning with only the knowledge that something will happen and looking forward to participating in it whatever it may be.  This can happen under this current structure if only I go out there and intercourse with others.  I have a daily that says, “Getting out more,  I make myself available,” but I don’t.  After all of this, here it is; this is it.  Now do it!