Is There Another Way?

Wipe the slate clean.  This is the admonition I am giving to me now that I’ve planned the year ahead according to the way I have done it for many years.  Now is not the time to go into the history of the planning process so I am not going to revisit any of that as I go forward.
 

When I say wipe the slate clean, I mean throw out all of the preconceived notions about what is and isn’t, or what I would like it to be and do a recalculation based on some desires that are yet to be discovered or defined.  What could they be?  By definition, I don’t know.

This is where I found myself many years ago when I took control of my activities to some extent.  Now I want to revisit that frame of mind and see if it results in anything new or different.  It is going to be tres difficile because I am surrounded by the results of where we’ve been and how we got to where we are.  This house and our belongings all reflect the choices made over the past many years.

In fact, however, we are always at a place where we can do differently with or without the aid of a disaster that takes away what we have amassed.  A disaster can be simulated by simply walking away from what we have and what we are doing.  This was the advice I heard given by a psychologist on a radio talk show to a person contemplating suicide; she said to give everything away.  Thinking about that, it would certainly simulate suicide.

I have often looked at what I have and wanted to discard what I thought was not useful anymore.  It is difficult to throw something away.  Things I haven’t used for years appear to be easy targets until I am in the act of discarding them and then all of a sudden they become difficult to toss.

This is the same with my life as I am living it now.  I want to get out of the traces but thinking about actually doing it gives me pause.  So, I’ll fool myself by saying it is an exercise in imagination; a stroll down a different path for life and living.  Would it be so difficult to stop doing what I am and do something different?

Reflecting on the past several years I would say that I've done this and continue to do so even though I have this regimented approach to life.  There are some things I am doing now that I wasn't doing 5 to 10 years ago such as acting and playing competitive pool, so it isn't as if I am in some sort of rut when it comes to endeavors. 

There are other things that I have been doing continuously for years and years such as writing, golf, and horseback riding with only slight improvement.  Other things have clicked, such as cooking and entertaining, and have shown marked improvement.  Some endeavors have been abandoned over time such as management, sailing, and Dale Carnegie training.  One can objectively say, therefore, that some evolution of activities has taken place.

If I am going to change the direction and focus of my life, I will have to start back at the beginning of the planning process and go from there. What I have now is integrated for Planning Categories, Life Categories, and Traits and Features. Endeavors are consistent with all of these and…”De lawd smiled down on de whole persession.”

As I sit here and muse about it, I can readily see that just like going through my clothes closet I am not going to throw away what I have and start over again.  Even doing so would retrace what I've done so far and would lead me back to the same place where I am right now.

Just for the sake of argument, let’s say we lock up the house, cars in the garage and leave it along with all of our possessions for an indeterminate period of time, taking only our ATM card and whatever cash we have in the account. 

We could keep up with our mortgage and other payments using library PC’s wherever we are, move about using public transportation such as planes, trains, buses, and rental cars, buy whatever clothes we need as we need them and discard whatever we aren't wearing or using.  By necessity we would have only what could be carried along in a small case.

Where would we go, what would we do, and why?  This leads me back to where we are now.  We are limited now by our lack of imagination and would again be so limited if we were to abandon all and go away. 

Would we wind up in a homeless shelter or sitting for hours on a park bench trying to think of the next thing to do or place to go?  How is that so different from what we do now?  Then as now we would be only limited by our imagination.   No, starting out without a destination is not possible or is it?

Starting out without a destination requires that one be open to any and all possibilities that come up during the course of events.  It would require that one meet all circumstances with an attitude of acceptance of people and events, making the most of the opportunities that present themselves.

The allure of it is the uncertainty; waking up in the morning with only the knowledge that something will happen and looking forward to participating in it whatever it may be.  This can happen under this current structure if only I go out there and intercourse with others.  I have a daily that says, “Getting out more,  I make myself available,” but I don’t.  After all of this, here it is; this is it.  Now do it!

The Last Word of the Year

One must keep in mind that these essays are written for the writer and aren’t necessarily meant to be instructive for others.  It’s been almost 10 years since the first of the “morning pages” was written and 5 years since this blog was opened.

It was stated in the beginning what the ground rules were for this blog; 1000 words or less, sometimes random thoughts, always thoughts that were in the fore of the writer’s thinking at the moment.  Many of the entries are developmental in that they are an expression of what is on the mind of the writer at the time he is writing and not the finished product of analysis.

Unlike theses and dissertations, these entries are the informal thoughts of a traveler along the path in search of reasonable answers to the meaning of life and living.  The path is long and meandering, sometimes to the point of making the reader doubt the veracity of the writer.  In this the reader is not alone, sometimes the writer, reading the essays, doubts what was written.  The essays nonetheless are an honest expression of what was on the writer’s mind at the time.

The question of atheism comes up in the mind of the writer.  It can be concluded that the concept of God is a handy cop-out to real thinking about what is and has been going on for millions of years, as near an eternity as there is.  As a matter of fact, if you ask 10 people to tell you what is God you will get ten different answers.  They may all have similarity but there is no definitive statement as to what is God.

As for creation or evolution; life on the planet today is the result of incremental intelligent choices made by organized life as it reproduces.  Just as one can look back on the results of any organization, be it a company or a government, and plot the evolution of thinking that took it to where it is today, so too can one do this for organized life.

There is only the choice made in each reproduction; in the analogous organization, the choice made in each decision.  There is no way of knowing what will happen next, only what has already happened.

Just as all of life is only one generation from extinction, so too it is changing incrementally based on reproductive choices.  That is evolution; it is guided only by the intelligent choice made at the time of reproduction.

Since it is my contention that there is a spiritual side to beings, it follows that just as that side manages the day to day activities of the being it also manages the reproductive choices that are made.  And furthermore, the beings in question are all of organized life from the simplest to the most complex and not just we humans.

All of life exists on the surface of the Earth in a layer from the highest to the lowest level of 11 miles thick on a sphere that has a radius of 4000 miles or 0.00275; on a sphere with a diameter of a foot, that would be 0.0169 inches about 1/64 of an inch; not very much.

It can also be noted that life has not been definitively found elsewhere in the universe but is unique to this planet.  Is it an accidental phenomenon or the result of some spiritual, in the sense of not physical, influence that occurred on the one planet that could support organized life as we know it?

Once begun, the intelligent choices made by reproducing organisms have brought us to where we are today.  Looking back on the record, the argument for evolution is made but looking ahead one can see the argument for incremental intelligent choice.

Those same choices, made by a multitude of predecessors and contemporaries, make it possible for me to sit here and record these thoughts and, perhaps, for a reader to be stimulated to think for himself.

On Matters Sexual

There are in each of us personae who are masculine and those that are feminine.  Our bodies are one or the other except in rare instances but the personae are not physical and may be either.

There are probably many personae of each persuasion.  And to call the tendency masculine or feminine may be erroneous but there is not a better terminology to use.  There are tendencies toward active and passive, hard and soft, tough and tender in response to situations but even these don't give a satisfactory frame of reference so we use masculine and feminine and all that these terms imply.

There are cases where the male body has a predominance of female personae to the extent that he takes on the personality of a woman and vice-versa.  There have been physical sex changes for some of the more extreme cases.

There have been, in my experience, instances where hormonal balance was slightly out of kilter and women have had to shave what can only be described as whiskers off of their faces and men have taken on the bodily characteristics of women due to sebaceous fat.  It only stands to reason that after a trillion or so iterations that there are anomalies of varying degrees.

Often told that there is a feminine side to all men and a masculine side to all women by authors and therapists and coming slowly to admit it after observing it in me and others; I've finally arrived at an understanding of it.  Rather than try to express it here and open Pandora’s Box, I will simply say that I understand it and leave it at what has already been written.

The Sexual source of the brain-body, as with the others, is affected by external impressions and internal physical conditions that cause personae to be stimulated.  For men the conditions could be a full supply of semen and associated hormonal levels that illicit pressures for ejaculation; and for women ovulation and the secretion of hormones associated with that event could illicit what is felt as a need for fulfillment.  Thus it can be reasoned that the need for sexual expression may be induced by imagination or by bodily conditions or both, one preceding the other depending on the circumstances of the moment.

The chain of events may also be put into motion by genetic memory of another who by chance is encountered in a present life but was also a partner in a relationship in a past life.  This is reasonable but  arguable but nonetheless needs to be stated.  One could surmise that "love" could occur for this reason as well as many other reasons related to current and past existences.

Feed Me!

We have discussed appetites in a previous entry and the appetites of which we wrote are all of them, the sensual pleasures that are sought.  As long ago as Aristotle, the need for moderation was seen.  As one looks around the world today, one can see that many, many individuals have thrown out the notion of moderation.

Evidence to support this is observable in obesity, alcoholism, drug addiction, sexual addiction, addiction to tobacco and the nicotine contained therein, dependency and, just to sum it all up in religious terms, unbridled participation in the deadly sins of envy, gluttony, greed, lust, pride, sloth,  and wrath.

It isn't difficult to slip into this chasm of self-indulgence; it is encouraged by people who are selling things.  A whole profession, marketing, has sprung up with the specific intention of creating a desire for products and services; making it seem not only alright but downright advantageous to get whatever they are selling.  Just like at casinos, there are a number of people who succumb to the message in a fruitless effort to satisfy some missing ingredient in their life.

On the other hand, there is a mechanism in our brain-body that signals a need for something.  It can be on any level, intellectual, emotional, moving, social, sexual, or instinctive and it can be real.  It is when this need is felt that some action is taken.  When the being senses that safety and/or security is threatened it’s like a WWII navy movie when the command, "Man your battle stations!" is heard.  And even this response is emotional. Observing all of the actions taken, it is seen that the motivation for action is emotional. 

This is not a secret.  Salespeople the world over know that decisions to buy (act) are made emotionally; sell the sizzle not the steak, what color would you like it to be.  Yes a need is being satisfied, even if it is artificially stimulated, but the motivation to satisfy it is emotional. 

The emotional source is closely linked to the five senses of touch, taste, smell, sight, and sound.  And what need do we meet most frequently?  To eat.  The need for nutrition; we eat three, four, or five times every day of our lives.  We get hungry and we use any means available to satisfy that need and we use all of our senses to do it.

Hunger can stem from a nutritional need, and/or memory, a smell or picture recalls to us how great s.t. tasted; it can stem from a need for fats, carbohydrates, proteins, certain vitamins, minerals, and bulk that are lacking and signals via suggestions come to us to eat this or that.

A large segment of our society continues the age old industries of production, processing, marketing, distribution, preparation, and serving food.  And they do it using all the senses to gratify, satisfy, sate the hunger that each of us feels daily.

It is an interesting chain of events that leads to the table.  The farmer looks at a field of weeds but imagines the possibility of neat rows of vegetables, or looks at grazing land and imagines a herd of meat animals, or knowing the results plants an orchard for fruit or nuts.  His imagination starts with sight and he sees the results before even beginning the process and his harvest proves his vision to be correct.

Butchers look at animals on the hoof and imagine carcasses to be carved into cuts of meat that please the eye of the shopper.  Green grocers see bushels and piles and imagine the fruits and vegetables arranged attractively to please the eye of the shopper.  Processors buy bulk quantities of foodstuffs and produce colorful packages to attract the eye of the shopper.  Once more sight is the sense that is used to attract.

The cook selects meats, vegetables, fruits, fats, and staples that he/she knows are necessary for the preparation of the meal.  The selection at the market is based on sight, then touch, then smell.  Once the tests are satisfied, the foodstuffs are taken to the kitchen where the meal is prepared.

Sight, touch, taste, smell, and even hearing from time to time are used by the cook as the meal is prepared.  To achieve the desired end result he relies on his knowledge and experience as his senses affirm the satisfactory preparation of the meal.

Enter the diner.  Invited to a room that is suitably furnished with attractive furniture, table linen, china, silverware, and crystal, decorated with candles and flowers he or she takes a place at the table enjoying the visual presentation and the company of the other diners.   Wafting in from the kitchen are the aromas of the meal, causing the imagination to already begin salivation and enjoyment of the meal, even before the first course is brought in.

Then the food arrives displayed in serving bowls and on platters in an attractive way.  All that is necessary for an enjoyable and nourishing meal is available to the diner; besides the food there are various fluids that enhance the taste and ingestion of the meal.

At last, when appropriate to do so, the final sense is stroked, the sense of taste.  At the point of taking the first bite the diner has been tantalized by sight, smell, sound, and feel—now finally he receives the final grace, the taste.

And then it goes into the mouth where it is chewed, mixed with saliva, and becomes an unrecognizable mish-mash of pulp that is swallowed and staged to go into the stomach.  The allure of the senses is gone, now it’s down to the business of digesting, assimilating what is necessary, and discarding what is not.  It was all a ruse to get nutrients into the being.

What Dreams May Come

If one thinks of the being as comprised of spiritual and physical components, where the spiritual manifests an aim using the physical and that these manifestations are evoked by the secretion of various mixtures of bodily fluids, then one has a basic understanding of how it works.

Spiritual is a word chosen without its religious connotations because there is the physical, i.e. matter and energy governed by the laws of physics, and there is the “non-physical,” that which is not and that is referred to here as spiritual.

These spiritual components can empirically be divided into intellectual, emotional, moving, social, sexual, and instinctive sources where each operates, more or less, independently of the other but the resulting secretions are a mixture influenced by all six. 

Some manifestations are heavily weighted toward one or the other of these sources but there are seldom, if any, times when a manifestation is caused totally one or even two of these sources but influenced by all in varying degrees.

Recalling the color palette, there are hundreds, even thousands of hues available from combinations of primary colors.  It is a simple step to realize the legions of reactions that are available from the mixture of six primary sources and that each reaction is a persona, created and stored for possible future use.  This lifetime is an expression of all of them.  For a thought provoking development of some of these sources, referred to as centers, read The Fourth Way by Ouspensky.

 

One will not find the aspect presented there of the spiritual/ physical dichotomy.  Nowhere in my reading of Fourth Way is the spiritual and physical dichotomy explained as the way Master, Driver, and Critic continue the development of the being.

Personae are created in order to cope with situations that are presented to the being and there are thousands of them created during a lifetime.  There are some that are used over and over; these become the recognizable personality of the named individual along with other recognizable features. 

Some personae become a permanent part of the being.  I’m not sure how or why this happens, but they become so much a part of the being that when the brain-body dies these, along with Master, continue to exist and may inhabit another brain-body to continue development until enough critical mass is achieved to move on to the next plane of existence.

In this lifetime, actions are taken by the brain-body because the spiritual component causes them.  This accounts for any and all actions taken.  The brain-body cannot in and of itself do anything.  Even the automatic body functions are the result of the spiritual component setting in place the mechanism by which they are accomplished.

It could be that the beginning of Master’s existence was with the first persona that became permanent; it could have been this lifetime or an indeterminate number of lifetimes ago.  That there has been more than one explains the incidents of “remembering.”

Genetic memory is another, and separate, phenomenon that is part and parcel of this wondrous being.  An example of this can be found in “A Parallel Life” posted on http://openfloodgate.blogspot.com/2013/04/a-parallel-life.html.

My normal posts are 1000 words, more or less, and there’s lots of room left here to continue to develop a new idea that is in process right now.

The idea of auto-suggestion, also known as self-hypnosis, also known as affirmation, also known as self-talk is presently at the fore for me.  The prospect of incorporating it along with these beliefs came through to me recently and there is a procedure that I am following.  How this works out will be seen in the future and it may be advisable for me to wait until I have the results to talk about it; but no, as usual I will forge ahead with my dissertation.

First premise: The dreams of the being are consistent with the development of Master.  Second premise: there is the above mentioned dichotomy between the spiritual and physical aspects of the being.  Third: the being is capable of stepping into the gap between the physical and the spiritual.

So this is the procedure:  Relaxing the brain-body, imagine that you are ascending along with all of the personae that you have and as you ascend, personae leave your company according to their most prominent feature.  At the first level, those associated most closely with the instinctive leave; at the second—the sexual, at the third—the social, the fourth—the moving, the fifth—the emotional, and the sixth—the intellectual.  Now as you, driver and critic without other personae, stand alone at the highest level in the vague presence of Master with a view as if from the top of the highest mountain, you repeat your dream.

The syntax of the dream is important only that it convey an accurate image of your dream.  Our brain uses words to evoke images; it is the image that we are creating that contains the dream and to which the spiritual component relates.  That image is what he will maneuver to realize.

Throughout this lifetime there have been images impressed upon me that were so strong that one day I realized that what I now had was the fulfillment of the image that I’d had.  The achievement of of what was necessary for that image to become real was not the result of a step by step campaign of which I was aware but rather a step by step campaign of which I wasn't aware except that deep in my mind there was that impression.

It is this impression that the procedure is meant to make.

My expectation is that it will and this is why I am now involved in making the effort.  By recalling my experiences above and linking them to my experiment, I firmly believe that this may be the secret to which “The Secret” refers.

  

My hypothesis is that the dream has to contain rich imagery, have content that has been experienced, even if experiences to date have to be extrapolated to the desired level, be as real as one can make them, and be taken-up one dream at a time to avoid confusion.

It would behoove one to have just a few important dreams to be realized until this capability is honed and then there is reason to believe that it could be used for many dreams.

And Then There's Death

Let’s talk for a moment about the death of the brain-body.  What happens at death?  The biochemical reactions of the body stop; perhaps not all at once and there may be a shutdown sequence and when that is complete it’s over

At some point the body, if put in a separate container, say a vault in the ground or a crypt in a mausoleum, would reach a point of no longer reacting with the environment around it.  If put in the ground, all of it that could be would be dissolved, absorbed, or otherwise carried away for further use.

Including the six or so billion people alive today there have probably been more than a trillion people alive at some point during the history of humanity.  None of us added a single atom to the total number that make up Earth. 

Except for a few pieces of equipment that have been sent to outer space, including the moon, and a few pieces of meteors that have made it through the atmosphere, the Earth is of the same composition as it has been since the grand collision of planets x and y that formed Earth and its moon.  All of our existence is within this same stockpile of material. 

The body is continually renewing the parts, organs and tissue, that wear out so even the body that is sitting here is not the same that it was last year or even six months ago.  It takes what it needs from nutrients and discards what it doesn't.  And so it goes for a body for up to 120 years or so when it is incapable of continuing the processes.

Among all of the features of this body, there are some that add flavor to this life we are living.  The senses, coupled with memory, including genetic memory, imagination, and decision making capability allow us to experience a lifetime; to know what is going on in and around us in this physical world, react to it emotionally, and adapt to it and cope with it. 

Of these, the senses are probably the most basic and convey to the mind impressions of what is going on around us.  Sensations combined with communication, starting with language and then over distance and even time, using criers, or drums, or runners, or paper, or telegraph, or digital technology allow the exchange of knowledge of what has happened, is happening, or probably will happen and allows us to imagine, apply reason, and take action.

One can only speculate what it would be like to live without the senses.  A young man in Louisville was born without eyes, yet he is an accomplished musician and capable of complex and abstract thinking.  Even one sense would allow one to experience life because it is the mind that does this, not the brain-body. 

The senses feed the brain impressions and the brain processes them and comes to conclusions about them; but it goes further, the mind infers from what is being experienced and makes decisions based on that inference.  This capability is highly developed in humans and has allowed us to evolve in every way to the point where we are and to continue that evolution as we continue to remember and reflect on “what if?”

Aside: Could it be that all of organized life has decision making capability and because of it, organized life is itself responsible for Darwinian evolution?  Those elements of life that in their reproduction phase make a decision with whom to reproduce.  Voila, the incremental change takes place in the next generation.  Repeat this millions of time and here we are, the result of all the incremental decisions made before us.

We tend to surmise that there is a continued existence after death.  If the senses stop functioning at death, then in what way does the being continue?  This is where, for this humble philosopher, the idea of permanence enters the picture.

The senses are our link with the physical world and we go beyond that realm when we remember, imagine, and reach conclusions upon which we base decisions.  It could be that the sensual link becomes less and less important as the being, comprised of brain-body and Master, increases his abilities in these higher order features.  Then when they are perfected, there is no need for sensual perception/ impression and the being continues on that higher plane.

That higher plane may be one that is not constricted by time and place but one that is experienced without sensations?  That’s just it; the spiritual world exists without matter and energy.  It may be a realm of ideas. 

If sitting here we are a current brain-body inhabited by a Master who exists over many lifetimes while permanence is developed, then the glimpses of the past that creep through from time to time are explained with the concept that some personae become permanent as well.

It could even be that Master is comprised only of those personae who have achieved permanence and who collectively gain more and more insight into what it takes to exist on that next higher plane. 

Those that are permanent at the death of a brain-body are faced with a decision to go on, or not.  If not, that’s the end of it.  At some point though, when enough of the proper, correct, right personae have become permanent, the process may accelerate and permanence becomes a foregone conclusion.

It is more plausible to think that a Master, along with permanent personae from previous lifetimes, form the basis of the spiritual side of the being.  Although one has to ask, when did this Master first begin?  It may be one persona who at the beginning found permanence and began the process which continues and is reinforced by other permanent personae through each lifetime until critical mass is achieved and the physical world gives way to spiritual existence.  Then what?

Starting with Appetites

What are the symptoms?  Some are easier to spot than others; probably the easiest is obesity, next most is smoking, and then the nouveau riche.  There are many other appetites that take over the rational functioning of the being, some even to the point of what is termed addiction, i.e., the irrational quest to induce a desired effect on the brain-body.  What starts out as a pleasurable experience eventually turns into a dependency that can be emotional, physical, or both.

Rather than get all involved with addiction, this essay is going to deal with the satisfaction of appetites and what it means to the long range development of permanence.

There is the struggle that goes on between the satisfaction of the appetites for what is here and now and the longer term progression of personae to permanence.  Fame, fortune, power, gluttony even on a reduced scale, and dependency on psycho-physical effects of relationships, substances, and even objects are all pitfalls of the here and now.

What draws us to repeat an effect is that on some level the experience of it was pleasurable to us when we were able to do it without a negative experience.  For some substances and feelings that may be the first time; for others it takes longer to become inured to the less desirable effects of the experience.

Think back to the first beer or the first cigarette; both of these required some will, some resolution to get past the undesirable taste and feelings associated with the act.  But when the taste was acquired and the ill effects no longer reviled us against the act, there was pleasure in the physiological and psychological aspects of the act.

Aristotle was perhaps the first to espouse moderation in all things.  Yet even this common sense approach to the pleasures of life connotes that there are some experiences that are desirable to the point of forsaking prudence.  The first step in fulfillment of our major aim is to take control of appetites.

We are here as servants of Master, our major aim is to serve him.  Ideally all that we do would be for the sake of his development into permanence.  There is however more to the picture than that; survival of the brain-body is fundamental to making strides toward permanence.  The survival is physical and emotional.  It isn’t enough to live for a long time and experience nothing.  Experiences of personae using the brain-body in dealing with them are in some cases those experiences that Master needs to complete his development.

The death of a brain-body is of little consequence to Master because he has the option to return to another as often as he wants.  But conversely the continuing maturation of the personae of a brain-body to deal with the experiences that Master needs for his advancement is productive to him.  He would, if the conditions were right, want to keep a brain-body alive and functioning as long as there was cooperation in his development.

When a being forsakes his purpose of being the servant of Master in favor of the here and now, he invites the reaction wherein Master, who is mute and eternally patient, simply backs out of the picture and allows the chips to fall where they may.  Often resulting in what is considered to be a premature end to the individual in question.

This is not to say that pleasure and enjoyment are not good, quite the contrary.  It is to say that there is no good to be had when pleasure of the brain-body  becomes the end instead of the means. 

We live this life to develop permanence.  Master exists for the purpose of taking his place in the firmament of those who have achieved permanence.  This would include those personae along the way that have achieved permanence; these personae become one with Master and, as part of him, go to his next habitation and so on until full permanence has been achieved and Master and these personae no longer iterate through the physical world but move on to another plane of existence of which we know nothing.

Are there memories

That come along with our birth

That transcend lifetimes

The answer to this is, yes.  These memories take the form of familiarity with situations, locations, circumstances, and people with whom we come in contact in this lifetime.  The memory is more of experiencing an impression such as that we may have had in a previous lifetime. My sister and I experienced this together in Serbia when we saw the train station there.

Another situation for this sensation is when I’m setting a table.  The impression I get is that of being a rough and tumble sailor on a sailing ship brought in to do mess duty in the captain’s quarters; handling his fine china and silverware with my gnarly, workaday hands. This and the train station are only two of many “familiar” situations in which I have found myself.

All of us have experienced this sort of thing.  It could be during the execution of a simple task, all of a sudden we get the impression that we've done this very thing; and of course we have, maybe even yesterday, but the impression that we get is far deeper than that of doing this same thing yesterday or even last year.  This is not to be confused with déjà-vu.

There is no way of knowing if any of this is true.  There seem to be two possibilities at death; one that Master and his cortege continues and the other that this is the end of it all.  Pragmatically it seems to be the latter but glimpses of the above, coupled with what I've come to believe, lead me to think that the other is possible.

The only way to find out is to experience death but I’m not ready to do that; there is too much work to do to serve Master in achieving his permanence.

On a Downhill Grade

It’s been a while since I wrote something and now there’s something on my mind that needs expression.  It concerns the house of cards that we have built in the world.  Not everyone is affected by the structure of our American economic society but most are and it isn't a comforting picture.

The president and one of the major political parties here are engaged in what can only be described as Brinkmanship.  A term coined when it was first recognized as each of the two parties to a standoff is waiting for the other to give in; each having a position of enough power to avoid the other from getting everything it wants.

The amount of debt that this country has is not inordinate for the value of the economy; it is, however, a very large number in sheer size and to default on the payment of interest on it would signal a crack in the walls of the economic fortress America

The value of any currency is relative to the confidence that others have in it.  If I wanted to borrow value from you with money that you think is worthless, you won’t lend it to me.  With currency, that confidence is measured against other currencies and the value of precious metals and other valuable assets that aren’t depleted with use.  Here we’re referring to gold, silver, diamonds, gems, land, art work, and collectibles of various sorts.

So by flirting with the confidence in our economy these two parties are risking the value of our currency and, therefore, the value of the one-third of our country’s population that is living on a fixed income from retirement investments.  This segment of the population is sensitive to inflation, which is a danger when the world loses confidence in the US dollar.

At the same time, the president and his liberal democrats have upped the ante for participation in the economy.  The entry requirements now include health insurance, a cell-phone (preferably a Smartphone), a personal computer, and a car, thus making the argument for an ever escalating minimum wage. 

Entry level jobs are shrinking and those who have them are insisting on higher wages because it simply takes that much more to live in our modern, digital society.  The response of employers is an ever decreasing number of people on the payroll, causing a decrease in the number employed and an increase in the number of people that rely on assistance of one kind or another from government food stamps and Obama phones to dependency on missions and charity.

The appetite for technology is fueled by marketers who make last year’s model obsolete; having it and using it makes one a pariah among his more affluent peers.  The lure of technology is cast in front of an ever younger set of consumers so that children are clamoring for it; and if Jimmy’s mom lets him have one then why can’t I have one too.

 There is no answer/cure for any of this.  As long as the money supply expands and the liberal attitude of “Why not?” is in vogue, the train will accelerate; “When we reach White Oak Mountain, You just watch old 97 roll.” And just like the “Wreck of the Old 97,” we’ll find the government “in the wreckage with his hand on the throttle, Scalded to death by the steam.”

A Look Back Four Years

Author’s note: this is something I wrote several years ago; I found it today and the question  is still there.

May 2, 2009: This is the 1^st Saturday in May and the 135^th running of the Kentucky Derby.  It is cloudy and cool.  We will go out later.

Yesterday, the body of James Hotchkiss was put in the ground.  I arrived at the cemetery just in time to see it poised over the hole, and then lowered into the grave.  He ended his time on earth at age 71.  His wife, Ernestine, of 55 years, took good care of him for the past several years as one calamity after another besieged him.

This is the 40^th notebook.  The last on spanned from 2-11 until 4-20, or 79 days.  At two pages per, that’s 50 days, almost every day.  I don’t intend to write every day even though I have it on my daily task list but it usually works out that way. 

(There are robins nesting above me on a horizontal run of downspout under the deck and they are wondering how they will get to their nest with me sitting here.  That’s their problem, I’m sure they will figure it out.)

I didn’t set out to write 39 notebooks plus 100 pages or so of printed notes beforehand but that’s how it is.  I haven’t re-read any of them at a sitting; although I may have referred back from time to time.  It seems that if I do the review exercise at Bernheim, I should not only take the log but also the notebooks from 2004.  That would expand my recall of how it was and how I was thinking at the time. 

(The robin is still wondering.)

I seem to be at a point of practice.  I have deduced, pondered, rationalized, and examined; I’ve reasoned and analyzed; I’ve observed and studied; and now I am at a place where I must put into play those results.  I have begun to do so in many endeavors, especially in golf and pool.  I know what needs doing and I am working on doing it.  There is a gap between knowing and doing; it is an experience gap.

 

Yet, especially in moving activities, there is a level, a set of personae, or at least one who knows what to do, because he’s seen the pictures in imagination, and he may even do it from time to time.  But for some unknown reason he can’t be relied upon to do it every time.  Either another gets in the way, or he’s not up for it, or whatever, but he isn’t able to take charge and get it done. 

This is true especially in golf.  They are not such a simple set of movements that they can be repeated faithfully without a lot of practice; and I mean a lot.  Yet there is a set of them, that when peformed, result in a good shot. 

It is bringing that knowledge and control to the intellectual part of the golfing persona that practice enables.  To focus the entire golfing persona on the desired result, knowing what is desired, able to produce the movement to get it, and exclude all other influences from the scene.  This is what it is all about.  And it is the same for pool.  In both sports I am at about 30% of being able to do this.

All of the endeavors are similar in this regard.  They all have an underlying game strategy that has to be executed.  Some are more complex; some are not being pursued diligently, some could be excised from the list but I won’t.  Of all the things in the world to do, I keep coming back to these 18.  It is as though I am committed to them, as in most areas of my life, “I said I would do it, so I guess I’m stuck with it.”

I often think of doing other things but keep coming back to these.  Some are on the list but not really pursued.  Yet I keep them on my list to be reminded that if there is time this is what I’ll do.  Meanwhile I make time for golf, pool, and others.

I need to spend less time writing and more time doing.  Yet, from time to time, take the time to write just to keep some order in my thinking, to stay on course, to stay focused.

So my writing may delve deeper into endeavors and details of same in order to hone in on the necessary knowledge, theory, and imagination.  The amount of practice, performance, is to be a larger proportion of lifetime now that I have a good basis of understanding.

Lately I have been struggling with the concept of life.  It is difficult to define, although, I have described it previously and effectively.  But with all of its forms is it a biochemical process?  Well yes it is on the physical side but there is a non-physical side as well.  The biochemical is going on but it is directed, intentionally.  And this is the part that is giving me pause.  What is this other aspect?

The biochemical is enabled by the substances existing here on Earth.  The intentional is an added aspect that defies definition.  It is individual, yet it is also organizational.  At times it seems to spring from somewhere else, some other influence besides the individual, even besides the influence of others.

The well-spring is from within somewhere.  The inspiration of artists and performers, and demons, i.e. the terrible, all seems to come from beyond the mere biochemical reaction that allows for the reversal of entropy.

(The robins are getting bolder.)

It is within this capability, allowed by the biochemical reactions, that the development of beauty and ugliness occurs.  It is the source of this that intrigues me.  It is the source of this that I can’t seem to fathom.  A ship floats, it sails, and it then proceeds on a course to a destination.  What/who sets the course?  Yes, there’s much more than I know but it is the wondering that interests me.

(I’ll go now and leave the robins in peace.)

Author, Author!

It’s time for a little introspection; what is going on with my writing?  Let’s start with what I would like it to be and work back from there.  My desires are to have plays produced and performed, philosophical essays that gain recognition, and stories and poems that are published and enjoyed by many thousands of people.

Where are we on this?  I’ve written three plays, submitted them for consideration and they weren’t.  I’ve published 140 philosophical blog entries of which 100 have been published in three printed volumes, and 18 posted since printing.  I’ve printed the 22 Philosophy 2x2 charts and have made just two copies of them, one for my son.

For stories and poems, I’ve published a large volume, Open Floodgate, consisting of all of the Open Floodgate postings, a booklet, The Linas in Troy Missouri, and Philosophical Poems, a booklet of 20 such poems. So I've done quite a bit in this regard.

The views on my blogs number more than 3500 and this is over about 4 years; there were more than 1500 of Open Floodgate, which makes the number of views more than 5000 in total.  A far cry from the millions it takes to be called a successful writer or author.

The John Lina blog grew out of the morning pages I wrote while pursuing The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron.  She suggested writing a significant amount each morning in an unstructured expression of whatever is on one’s mind.  I filled more than 35 notebooks, writing three pages per day.  Then I settled on essays of about 1000 words to be posted on BlogSpot; primarily written for my benefit and that of anyone else who might enjoy them. 

The By John Lina blog grew out of Open Floodgate and is for stories, poems, and plays.  There is some overlap where I’ve pulled from Open Floodgate for this blog since Open Floodgate disappeared except for the printed version of my own submissions.

The Philosophical Poems and Philosophy 2x2 blogs are complete as written and for the edification and enjoyment of anyone who may want to read them.

I haven’t published the plays, except for The Coat, and could do this in the future but it is more important for me to write more plays than see to the publication of those already written.

So, this is where we are; now for where we want to be.  I am OK with the John Lina blog because it allows me to observe life and living and express my beliefs.  I am pleased with the entries in the By John Lina blog thus far but disappointed that there aren't more of them.  I’m not at all pleased with the lack of play scripts.

Writing takes time and patience.  The great writers spent their entire lives perfecting their craft.  I’m familiar with the paths taken by Mark Twain and Ernest Hemingway as well as others.  There is the time spent writing and an even greater amount of time spent developing one’s place in the writing community.

Publishing blog entries is like putting your light under a bushel basket, yes it shines but only a very limited group of people see it.  One has to approach writing for the public in the same manner as one approaches acting on stage or in movies.   One has to become part of a community of writers and publishers with the aim of perfecting the craft as well as having one’s work recognized by those who make decisions based on what the public wants to read.

Finding the writing community is no mean feat.  For a while there I was associated with an amateur group of writers who met on Fridays to discuss their work.  It was little more than a mutual admiration society and there was only encouragement but no real growth or opportunity for publication.  Then I attended some readings, even read some of my poetry and aside from being an enjoyable experience it could not be seen as going anywhere.

It is my recollection that there is a Writer’s Market available where calls for articles are made; or at least specifications of desired work for this or that publication are published.  Yes, there is such a publication, I’ve seen it and I think it was at the public library.  This will have to be revisited.

Once found, the Writer’s Market is a vehicle for submitting work for publication.  I started down this path in the past and got bumped off by the feeling that if I made blog entries I was being published.  I see now the error of that thinking.  Blog entries assuage the desire to be read but don’t give the entre’ to the community of publishers that is necessary to reach the volumes of readers one would want.  This could be the answer to getting published for stories, articles, and poetry while leaving the John Lina (philosophical) blog as is.

As for play writing, here I think the answer is like learning to play competitive pool.  It is a never ending search for the holy grail of playing the game; each attempt incrementally better than the last and the only lasting improvement comes from participating competitively, i.e. with a like-minded person or group of people who are of graduated capability and willing to share the knowledge and help develop the skill.

I have a couple of acquaintances who have successfully written scripts for a local production company.  They would, I think, be amenable to my approaching them to read and critique a play for that company.  But first I would have to write such a play.  This is, of course, a fundamental step in the direction of having a script accepted for production.  The specifications for such a script are in my possession but the script itself remains outside of my ken but not for long. 

Can all of this be done while continuing to pursue the craft/ art of acting?  I think so because I know there is enough time in the day to do it all.

Confident Performance-- Getting To It

When I am performing, I am rarely satisfied with the result.  What I do, i.e. every performance whether it is riding, golf, pool, or acting, seems to be inferior in some way.  This is because I have an ideal performance in mind and rarely, if ever, achieve it.  This is not true of analytic endeavors, I am confident of my ability to analyze and reach conclusions, agreeable to others or not.  My track record in the analytic arena is very good. 

When finishing an acting effort, whether a monologue or a scene in a  play or movie, I come away thinking that it was not very good because there is no objective measure for me to use for comparison.  There is, by definition, no objective measure of performance; it is always subjective.  Each member of the audience reacts in his own way.  Yet there is an overall feeling about a performance that members of the audience get, it is portrayal of the character in that situation and they discuss it afterwards.  I think it is this discussion phase that bothers me; I care very much what they say.

It is a bit different when participating in golf, pool, or riding; I know right away if my performance was good or not.  There are objective measures for these activities: good hits, sink the ball and gain shape,  clear the jumps in sequence.

“When in a competitive or conspicuous situation, I keep my mind on my objective and stay aware of my surroundings.”  This is one of my daily affirmations and it contains the wisdom necessary for this conundrum.  As has often happened in the past, writing out the feelings and the situation brings forth a conclusion, a prescription for success.

Aha!  The missing ingredient is an objective in every situation where I feel less than comfortable, less than confident.  And this is not just in the overall situation but in each increment of the situation from curtain to applause.

There may be many “beats” to the scene; each one has to have an objective to which it is played.  This is true in all performances, whenever I am engaged in doing anything that involves doing rather than thinking.  Just to be clear, it pertains to riding, golf, pool, and acting.

The art of managing the situation is in the ability to be able to decide on the objective without taking a lot of time to figure it out because when one is living (and acting) at the speed of life, one doesn't have the luxury of sitting back and analyzing the situation as it unfolds.  

A script affords some hints, this is a good thing, but on the stage the action may deviate from the script and spontaneity is required; the scene has to stay on track.  It is the same in the other endeavors, what happens isn't always what was planned so reacting, regrouping, and resetting is required.

The performance of an action may not be perfect and this must be forgiven but having an objective in mind before performing it is paramount.  Constantly minding the objective, reforming it,  and executing the act as consciously as possible will eventually bring the level of performance to higher levels, even stardom.

The beauty of this conclusion is astounding to me: the basic ingredient for my confidence is to have an objective for every action to be taken.

This Is Deep

The 4th Way by Ouspensky and books by and about Gurdjieff started me on my quest of exploring life and living and eventually, after more than thirty-five years, I’ve arrived where I am today.  My starting point was this lifetime and this brain-body and my thinking took me to definitions of life, organized life, its purpose, and the interdependency of all forms of it.

As an aside, a long time ago I deduced that there must be what I called a cross-over particle that vacillates between energy and matter; so small that the energy absorbed or released by it is not significant.  Now that particle has a scientific name, the god particle, and the search is on for it in particle theory physics.

There are more levels of this being than I understand but a macro picture of it would be a physical brain-body, which has developed incrementally over billions of years into a work of grand complexity that has been studied scientifically and almost understood.  Genetic history is another  part of the brain-body and has not been fathomed to any meaningful depth.  There is personality, which is not quite physical and has been observed and described but never really understood on more than an empirical basis.  Then there are personae that are formed to cope with specific situations and once formed never disappear.

Some situations are repeated and eventually these oft used personae along with the personality and physical appearance become what is recognized as the named person.  The combination of brain-body, genetic history, personality, and personae combine to form one principal component of the being.

The other part of the being co-exists on a different plane; I call this Master.  Master is that part of the being that recurs through lifetimes until he is perfected into permanence and becomes an entity that continues existence without the need for a physical body; an entity that exists as a part of Essence,  a spiritual congregation.  Since we don’t have a clue other than imagination about this level of existence it isn't productive to formulate more than recognition of it.  It could be that the congregation of Essence lends encouragement and guidance to Master as he pursues his development.

One common problem in thinking about this is caused by our insistence on using the noun, time.  There is no such thing outside of the physical world.  Our definition of time is based on planetary movement; it is a measurement that we use to reference past, present, and future events and activities.  It is meaningless when one leaves the physical realm.  Brain-bodies are formed, born, grow, develop, deteriorate, and die.  Time is irrelevant to Master; he uses brain-bodies for his development. 

Brain-bodies provide Master a means for his development but they can never know or find out what Master wants or needs for it; he is mute and patient.  It seems that he is able to intervene when the brain-body is engaged in activities that are contrary to his development and the primordial battle between brain-body’s desire to satisfy appetites and Master’s desire to develop takes place.  Master wins the battle by effecting changes in behavior, causing the premature death of the brain-body, or simply waiting for death to occur.

The being is active.  There seem to be several levels of activity available: automatic body functions, responses to sensations caused by senses, organs, and glands, such as hunger, thirst, evacuation, sexual pressures, to name a few; and the satisfaction of imagination.  Imagination is the source of voluntary action and such actions may be compatible with the development of Master. 

All activities are carried out by personae that have been inherited through genetic memory or developed to cope with situations encountered as the being lives in the world with other beings and other forms of organized life.

Who does what and when is the job of a driver persona.  In a theatrical analogy where there is a multitude as a cast of characters as well as costume, lighting, sound, and scenery technicians, the driver persona would be the director.  He calls out the appropriate persona to handle the situation at hand.

There is likewise an observing persona who rates the performance of the persona called forth.  This observing persona is the judge and critic that have been described in another essay.  The driver is objective, the observer is subjective.  The propriety of selection and the extent of judgment and criticism are likewise subject to evaluation.  This would be necessary to maintain control, make appropriate selections of personae, and keep judgments and criticisms constructive.

This suggests a superior persona, one who is closer to Master than the driver persona and the observing persona.  If driver and observer are objective and subjective and each has an important oversight function; then the superior persona is that which keeps them in sync, in constructive balance, provides the equanimity that allows the being to develop along the path necessary for Master’s development.  Because Master is mute, there is no definitive way of knowing what his needs are; thus success of the superior persona in this endeavor is never consciously known by the being, except Master.

Master is patient as well; there is no time factor in his existence.  Yet an indicator of the compatibility of actions taken by the rest of the being are incremental revelations that are seemingly not connected to Master, a certain peace that comes with doing his will, and physical well-being that can be seen as an absence of disease and angst.  The reverse is also true.

The being has to cope with life as it is experienced now; external factors may dictate actions that are on a side track from the development of Master.  It stands to reason that as long as such actions are not detrimental to his development, Master abides.

Another aside, there are some new revelations included in this essay that have only recently been allowed. 

Peace of Mind

The hero frequently encounters almost insurmountable barriers that must be overcome on the mythological path upon which he sets out  to reach the awaiting maiden in her father’s castle.  Often they take the form of a fire breathing dragon or an ogre giant.  He has to cross chasms and swollen rivers, fight off fierce opponents, and perform one final heroic task before being successful. 

Life is that mythological path, the accumulation of skills necessary to reach a permanent state of being.  This is the aim of our lifetime, that which is set out to be accomplished.

It occurred to me that pushing my comfort zone is what evokes the overzealous internal judge and critic in me because it is I who has had a strict judge and harsh critic impressed upon him.  Decisions made to move onward and upward feed into them but it is only during the pushing of the envelope and not when the skill has been assimilated and performance is in the Skilled quadrant. 

The following Performance Paradox 2x2 illustrates the point:

The judge and critic are very active all during the Training and Intern phases but when Skilled is reached they abate because performance occurs without it being necessary for Observing I to be aware of it.

Peace of mind may be achieved earlier if one is aware of what’s happening inside one’s head and discounts the internal comments and criticisms.  The importance of maintaining a favorable attitude, of being oblivious to one’s image, of remembering past accomplishments, of being certain of aim, of maintaining relationships, and dwelling on what is happening now cannot be overstated.

The performer rehearses, learns lines, and makes what seems to be frustratingly slow progress until, voila, one day he emotes according to the blocking and the script and carries away the audience with his performance; he convincingly becomes the character.

The player practices his shots and keeps missing until one day he doesn't miss any more.

In between there are the false starts of almost knowing only to have a miscue or a missed shot pop up and open the door to discouragement.  When this happens after the performer/player has reached the top of the learning curve, he can take it in stride, the judge and critic don’t comment.  If it happens before the confidence hump has been crossed, the player/performer may suffer setbacks in his progress.   This is when he has to call upon his base of past accomplishments, current direction, and current relationships to rally to go on.

From where or how is the strict judge and harsh critic developed?  It occurs when a sensitive child is criticized by adults in superior positions.  This can be a parent, teacher, pastor, or even a neighbor but it has to happen frequently and consistently for some period of time.  The impressionable youth is galvanized into judging himself to be inferior and criticizing his performance as being less than acceptable.

The judgment and criticism may seem benign, even necessary by the adult providing them but the result is the over development of an internal judge and critic who feed on the less than perfect performance of a neophyte.   It only abates when the desired skill is either abandoned or attained.  All too often it is abandoned when the pain of trying to achieve is too much to bear.

It isn't the occasional or infrequent judgment and criticism but constant nagging that finally causes frustration and a feeling of futility to be engendered in the subject.  And unfortunately, it cannot be reversed by praise and support.

All have judge and critic; they are essential and act as the arbiters of performance and in cases of morals and ethics they are sometimes called conscience.  The subject of this writing is the strict judge and harsh critic; these can range from being a big nuisance to pathological.

Once the internal judge and critic are established, they last a lifetime.  This is why it is so important to rationalize the existence of them and work through the tough times and get to the “skilled” level in spite of them.

The only alternative is to give up development in favor of vicariously enjoying life through imagination.  The imagined great things that could have been; the imagined shared success of heroes in performances or athletics, the imagined transformation of what one actually does to what one would like to have happen. 

If you’re like me, you have suffered the slings and arrows of the strict judge and harsh critic.  If you have likewise invested the time and psychic energy into figuring it out, you will have reached the same or similar conclusions about what to do about it.

Develop a sense of humor; it is absolutely essential, especially when dealing with the self.  And be reminded to take yourself and anyone else less seriously. It’s difficult but when accomplished successfully the benefits are worth the effort.