The Going

There is the level to which we aspire, then there is the level at which we are. There are differences in our mind about these perceptions. Where we are is a level of which we aren’t necessarily aware. Others see us. They, along with us, approve/ disapprove, judge competency and status, and generally form an overall opinion. These opinions are worthless to us except that when they are generally held they can either support or destroy.

The level to which we aspire is an ideal. It is attainable but at the same time a moving horizon which continues at a distance whereto we never arrive no matter how fast we go. There is no there; the finish line is moving, fixed only at death.

This moving horizon is one of the most important realizations one can have. When a child we see teenagers and aspire to be one, then we aspire to adulthood. As an adult we aspire to levels of recognition or achievement, or both, and while others may see us as having “made it” we always strive for the next whatever. It may be a skill, a job, possession, partner, and/or amount of money, recognition in the form of a medal, award, or board membership. There is always that which we would have but don’t.

Others observing us form opinions ranging from admiration through indifference to envy and even hatred. These opinions are a matter of comparison to their own situation. When they are engaged in the pursuit of s.t. and see one who is likewise engaged, they can be positive and constructive and admire, study, and model. When they are frustrated by their own fruitless pursuit, the negative emotions come out in the form of envy and even hatred.

We, on the other hand, are only casually aware of our achievement. Working for it over a long period of time, it creeps up on us and we are comfortable with our performance as we move on. For the most part we aren’t even aware of the level we have attained. We see signs of recognition and discount them as not being all that important. All the while we are working for achievement we incrementally raise the bar to a higher level and don’t dwell on where we are but rather where we are going.

Acceptance is the bane of growth. When we accept ourselves as being you name it, we are no longer engaged in the pursuit of an ideal. This is the end of personal growth and it can come at any age or it can be avoided at any age. An actor who upon receiving an Oscar decides that he has reached the summit of his success will fade from the screen and be forgotten except by historians.

There are those who upon achieving a modicum of success in a field, abandon it and take up another. I am one of these. It seems that reaching the pinnacle of success is not my goal in life. For me it is like sailing; the pleasure is in the going not the arriving. As I reflect on my life from the vantage point of more than 70 years, I see that keeping my interest stimulated in a pursuit is paramount. If I feel that there is no more to be discovered, learned, or devised, I am likely to lose interest and leave the field. Levels of money, position, power, and fame have been side effects of some of my activities but not the motivation.

Sometimes I think that these have been deterrents for me. I have no basis for dealing with great amounts of any one of them much less all of them. I’ve been in situations where any or all of them could have come my way but I found a way out and demurred for one reason or another.

Understanding that they can come along with achievement may have been a reason for not making it. The scepter of capability arises but as I look at others, I can see that I am as whatever as they except in the willingness to take the plunge. So far, and it is quite far, I have not made the connection between capability and recognition (money, position, power, and fame.)

One conclusion I am reaching is that it just doesn’t happen without setting one or all of them as a goal and taking steps to achieve it. There isn’t a panel of experts sitting in the wings looking at the billions of people in the world and saying, “Aha! There’s our next hero.” No, it is incumbent on the hero to make his reputation, exploit his meager capabilities, and step into the spotlight at every opportunity. Then a swell of recognition will begin to rise and if it takes form may raise him to that status. The decision has to be made; the desire recognized, the work has to be done; humbly asking for help, compromises made, and sacrifices offered then, with persistence and unity of being, success will be achieved.

There is another take on this. The money, position, power, and fame of today are forgotten tomorrow. Is it more important to be satisfied with one’s efforts and position and take life as it comes? One can spend his lifetime chasing some holy grail and be satisfied that he did the best he could or one can spend his life chasing money, position, power, and fame; come up short and die disappointed.

“To thine own self be true” is the advice to follow. If one can see the path to glory and decide to take it; he must enjoy the walk as he goes; here and there will be interesting people, starts and stops, a wonderful view, a comfortable inn in which to rest, then once again out on the endless road, perhaps the yellow brick road toward the skyline of the Emerald City. But he must remember his goal is the corner office on the thirtieth floor of 10th and Milam in Houston Texas.

Lights, Camera, Action

My last blog is revealing to me. It identifies me as a person who lacks passion; who isn’t sold on the idea that what he is doing and what he is about is worth getting excited about. That just isn’t true but it would, I think, seem that way to anyone who was involved with me. I could take those things where I am involved with others and look at them objectively to see if any passion is evident but first I need to address the word, the concept of passion.

It is getting a little trite and it came out of an equally overused word, enthusiasm. For my purposes we need to forget that it is trite, forget that it is overused and not worry or concern myself with coming up with a euphemism or a replacement for the word. I am going to use the two words as if they represent new and unique concepts in my thinking; then if another word comes up that works, I will also use it.

I know from experience that the place where enthusiasm has to come is from within; one has to feel enthusiasm for that with which he is dealing, it cannot be faked. The lack thereof can be from fatigue, from bad experiences remembered, from something less than a favorable impression of the situation. The way around this is to remember that there is a way to jump start, or do a warm up exercise. A method to do this follows the 4th Way, and it is to say that there are within me certain other enthused personae who may be not be involved with the present situation that requires same and these can be called upon to work with the not enthused to get them going.

This hurdle is the most critical that must be overcome when dealing with a situation. It is a method used in acting as well. One substitutes the role playing situation with a real-life situation that required the same emotional involvement.

The transference takes place and the character takes on the emotion that the real-life situation evoked. This method can be used without fail in any situation that arises on stage or in real-life. When going into a situation that requires an emotional response, simply recall a similar situation from which a desirable outcome was obtained, find the feeling that you had at the time, feel it again and transfer that to this one.

This is easier said than done. It reminds me of the “holy grail of pool” where one makes the object ball and leaves the cue ball in the best position possible to make the next object ball. Or the “holy grail of golf” where on a par 4, one drives the ball 250 yards down the fairway, then hits his second shot to the green and putts the ball into the hole for a birdie. Both of these are easy to express, just as easy as the previous paragraph. But the skill required to make these happen can’t be underestimated. The same type of concentration, circumspection, and control required to call upon performing personae is required in interpersonal situations in life or on stage as in golf or billiards.

These two games are especially analogous to acting because all the while one is taking his turn he is being watched, he is acting and reacting to conditions that are extant on the table or course, he is thinking, using his controlling personae but at the same time attempting to allow his performing personae the freedom of action required to be successful. The controlling personae have a way of getting in the way of the performing personae if they aren’t shunted aside at the optimal point in time before the action commences. This is true in any context be it social, competitive, business, or stage.

It takes a lot of hard work have this become one’s modus operandi. The realization that one has to be able to do s.t. and not just talk a good game is a valuable insight that this one realized some time ago. The amount of work required to be skilled at golf or pool is nothing compared to the amount of work required to become a skilled actor, both on the stage and in the real-world sense. Aside: a good actor brings the real-world of experiences to the stage role he is playing.

Whenever lacking a coach for these games and acting, I have to rely on my controlling personae to be able to glean information from published sources and through observation of more skilled practitioners. Then my controlling personae become the coach/ trainer for the performing personae. Success can be had with perseverance; of course, if an external trainer or coach is available, one can shorten the learning curve and increase his level of confidence more quickly. This second aspect, confidence, is fundamental to performance but we are getting off track. The sublimation of successful emotional responses can be achieved with trial and error if one has the patience to observe himself in situations.

The controlling personae are collectively analogous to the director of a play; he has a large influence on what the actors do during rehearsals but the play is on when it is being performed. This is part and parcel of the 4th Way; it is what Gurdjieff, Nicole, and others were talking about when they preached self-observation.

The performing personae need to be reminded before the action takes place that emotional content is important, enthusiasm begets positive reinforcement from others. Assuming the role of the enthused participant is the starting point and emotional content can be increased or decreased as necessary to fit the action taking place. The controlling personae have the responsibility to take the initiative and get the performing personae “on stage” with the right level of emotion. Those on stage are then required to perform spontaneously. The emotional level displayed cannot be seen as contrived but must be genuine, which is possible with hearkening back to similar past experiences.

The Invisible Man

I want to explore my observed approach to life and, more specifically, others. In a nutshell I am a fearful person; perhaps more or less so than others but about others makes no difference to me. I tend to try to make my way in the world without causing anyone else difficulty of any kind; to be with people but not make a bad impression on them. Right away I can see this is a defensive position. If you were to ask anyone who knew me casually I doubt if they would have an opinion about me. There were times when I stepped up to what I felt needed saying or doing and did but there were many other times when I simply shrugged.

To say that I am fearful is much overly simplified and any objective analysis would identify it as pure baloney but it is partially true. Much of what I say and do is governed by fear; fear of one thing or another but mostly fear of being compromised or put at a disadvantage by another; to be beaten at whatever psychological or monetary game is being played during the instant.

If I am feeling the least bit unfit for social intercourse, I demur. Yet if another brings it to me, I respond appropriately. This is true whenever I don’t have an agenda; if I am asking for s.t., I tend to take the initiative and get involved even if I don’t know the other. I must admit that I am not afraid to ask, afraid to act, afraid to take risk, afraid to step through the doorway into the unknown.

Rarely will I take the initiative to push an agenda that could be seen as controversial, be it social, political, or intellectual. And this is probably where the fear factor comes in—it is a fear of being identified with an unpopular idea and become socially unacceptable. Or to create in another an opinion of me that is detrimental in some general way that could cause difficulty for me in some undefined future situation. Is this fear or caution? I think it is fear but based on experience.

Maybe I have self-knowledge that I have tendencies and predilections toward behavior that is unacceptable to most people and eschew same. And, because I am not sure of myself, tend to err on the overly cautious side and not do or say s.t. I tend to gravitate to people who have a certain set of values, values that I share for the most part but not all the time.

I seem to care too much that some of my behavior could easily offend and that some friendships and associations would cease. But then, it makes me so bland as a result that the friendships and associations are lukewarm to the point of being meaningless.

This is in the category of making my way in the world without causing anyone else any difficulty of any kind. When I am out and about, I usually don’t initiate contact with a stranger. When I do, it is more an invitation to him/her to respond so I can judge whether or not I will continue the correspondence. My tendency is to ignore rather than engage. When I engage with another, it is superficial and certainly doesn’t invite the other to ask of me. When I finish a transaction, the impression I’ve made is so superficial that the other will forget me within minutes. It is only after repeated and prolonged interaction that I am able to make an impression, and even then it is often one of blandness. The stated opinion would be that this guy doesn’t have much passion about him one way or the other. So, like my so-called friends and associates, all with whom I come in contact simply go on about their business as if I had never been seen or heard.

And yet, there are those who I see after not having seen for a long time that latch on to me as if I was some sort of long lost relative. I put this to the fact that when we did interact there was a favorable impression made that they remember and value. This causes me some concern because it causes me to redouble my effort not to offend and often simply go along with anything and everything they say and do. This causes me some concern because it seems somewhat duplicitous. Yet, the time or two that I expressed my true opinion of an effort they made, it caused a rift that was never again bridged. People are so sensitive but some never forget a slight. Well, in fairness, neither do I but I am often willing to forgive and forget.

It is my competitive nature that gets in the way of action because of an innate unwillingness to get into a situation wherein I can’t see the possibility of winning it. It isn’t so much fear as it is losing. If I can’t see a win, I tend to give up. This is troubling for me in almost any competitive endeavor. The problem for me is that I see most social intercourse as some sort of competition with the other, where I want to win the encounter on some even undefined level of play. Where I can’t see the win, I tend to withdraw, no second effort, not interested in making the supreme sacrifice, not interested in getting angry or contentious about it. Give up and let the other have the day. I don’t know if this is good or bad but this is the way it is, for now anyway.

Games, business, and contests aside, the answer here is one of my recently coined dailies: expressing my feelings forthrightly, I am assertive. Instead of retreating from the field of encounter, it would be advantageous if I wanted to keep the relationship to let my feelings be known. If the other is interested in maintaining the relationship, he/she will have to respect these feelings and we can go on.

Thoughts on Easter

The Easter season always brings out the religion in people who make, for all to hear, statements of outlandish belief. The most prominent for this time of year is that Jesus Christ rose from the dead. It is a bold statement; one made by people who wouldn’t otherwise be saying something as extreme but they have successfully put reason and science aside, suspend disbelief, and state firmly and without doubt that this is the case. And they are not talking about a figurative resurrection but a physical return from a state of complete and final death.

This year I thought about it again, as I have for as long as I’ve been a reasonable person, since about the age of 7 or 8 when my beliefs were solely based on what others told me was the truth; almost all of which turned out to be fiction and not fact. But there was a difference this year that has been brewing in the background for quite some time. It is a realization of just what is religion.

The statement to which it boils down is this: religion is a delusional emotional refuge when one can’t cope with reality. People in extreme emotional stress find religion to be a way of coping with that which can’t be controlled, that which is outside of their emotional and/or physical capacity. When there seems to be no possible solution, they put their trust in God and let the chips fall where they may. It brings peace of mind and let’s them off the hook so to speak. They don’t have to deal with it, a higher power will somehow make it all ok, where ok is whatever is the outcome. They can then simply say, "I did all I could"; "I put it in God’s hands."

The ability to do this is no minor feat. It is the result of conditioning that either takes place from little on, or is suddenly seized upon by a desperate “soldier in a foxhole”, harking back to the saying that there are no atheists in a foxhole.

This is not my way of admitting to being an atheist. What I believe or don’t is not the issue here. I am looking out in the direction of what others say they believe, and must admit that what I said above summarizes it for me. It is a mentally rewarding escape from reality, like any other delusion. It allows one to go on with the activities of the day, one day at a time, and not be bothered, distracted, or otherwise impacted by enormous implications of dire results.

People pray for luck at the gambling table, the lottery, that the traffic lights will stay green for them, that their team will win, that they will make the shot, that their loved ones won’t be killed in war; in general that the outcome of events will be favorable for them or their loved ones. It is a way of coping with uncertainty.

There is a secular formula for the same thing. What is the worst thing that can happen? Accept that possibility and try to improve on it. This works as well for the lay person, or when the situation is not completely beyond one’s ability to influence. Prayer is reserved for that which is seen to be completely out of the sphere of one’s influence.

Calling upon gods is not a new thing in our history. It predates history, it is part and parcel of every civilization of which we know. This in itself offers some proof of a spiritual or “other” existence. And I don’t dispute any of that; as a matter of fact, I believe that there is a spiritual world and that we are influenced by it/them. The basis of Christian religions is the suspended belief of many scientific principles and observations. Arguing the point with a “believer” would be as futile as arguing the existence of the Olympian gods with an ancient Greek or Roman.

When examined, at least seemingly objectively, the belief system of the RCC is a sophisticated revision of pagan gods and their hierarchy and one that I completely reject. The utility of it lies in the social aspect of a congregation of like minded people and the emotional respite described above, and there is much to be said in favor of both aspects.

There is a parallel in our system of government where the ideals of the constitution are sound but many of those who are elected to govern in accordance with those ideals succumb to excesses of power and become corrupt. This same thing has occurred in the RCC, and perhaps in many other religions, where the ideals of Christianity or Islam are good but the humans who interpret them are “whitened sepulchers” who are prone to error and contrive ways to satisfy their personal desires within the hierarchy of a church. The problems arise when what they do impacts our personal and daily lives. At least in our system of government we can elect others. The only recourse in the RCC is to quit supporting it financially and any other way. The impression I have is that some religions allow for the ouster of leaders but I’m not familiar enough to speak to it.

The Islam phenomenon is interesting because it is so extreme. It binds government and religion together officially, making it impossible to live without being under the control of those who would have you believe a certain way; control so extreme that I would be punished severely for writing these thoughts. It could be concluded that where the Christian faith offers delusion to adherents, Islam is all about controlling the thinking of its masses.

The real freedom is to be able to take off the clothes of organized religion and find the truth through inspired thinking; never accepting any conclusion as final, never writing a system of belief because as understanding deepens that which was absolutely clear yesterday is enhanced, seen to be incomplete.

Solving a Time Problem

All of the time I have on my hands right now could be due to a lack of focus on my endeavors. But it is plain to see that I could easily commit to more than I could possibly accomplish, yet there are large gaps between deliveries. An example is acting, where I am currently in performances that go on each Saturday night for six more. Another is pool where I am in a league that plays on Wednesday night and our team is slated to play in the playoffs at the end of February. A third is riding where I am riding on Monday nights and can’t justify the acquisition of a horse, by purchase, lease, or arrangement other than per occasion. The fourth is golf and it is not the season; my club dues are paid for this year and I’m ready to play but won’t until at least the middle of next month. All of the others are likewise in progress but there is nothing pressing in/on any of them to keep me fully occupied. So what is my point?

My point is the utilization of the in-between times. I don’t want to get into other things because I want to stay focused on the four major endeavors and then the other fourteen, likewise important but less. Whenever I have or think of a task to do on any of them, I do it.

All of them could benefit from more attention and the one that could stand a lot of attention, and require me to get out and do it, would be sketching; I could do this without commitment to big chunks of time and in order to make it interesting I would go somewhere to make the sketch. I have the goal of a sketch diary and know that it will be crude in the beginning but will improve over time. I have a sketch book that I can carry with me and I will from tomorrow on.

There are some criteria for utilizing this discretionary time, which I haven’t articulated as yet; this will be an attempt to do so. The criteria for “forget-me-nots” are a good example/pattern/model to follow. There are two general criteria, Absolute and Desirable. The Absolute is that it has to be something that will support and make progress toward the accomplishment of the dream for an endeavor. The Desirable are: a) it not be a task listed in the palm pilot (b) it not require more time than is available at the moment, (c) that it not interfere with any item in the palm pilot, IOW not keep me from doing s.t. that is already planned, and (d) that it not preclude doing chores and duties.

This seems to be a brilliant plan for chinking the interstices in the wall of the day. Where I now puzzle, surf, or idle; I can refer to the "why would I" for the endeavors and do s.t. that will move me toward accomplishing those dreams. Just referring to the these, now in the palm pilot, will reinforce same and give them top of mind awareness. Although not a criteria, it should be kept in mind that whatever is done would be okay as it is, IOW perfection is not necessarily the goal.

This will certainly work for the four and all the other endeavors. It will immediately require me to get in touch with the dream of each of them; s.t. that has been articulated, recorded, and reviewed when plotting and scheming; and now carried with me for referral at the odd moment. So item number one on the agenda is to get the dreams for the year into the palm pilot for ad hoc review.

In order to keep it positive and constructive, i.e. moving towards accomplishment of a dream, it would require staying in the moment as it is done. It would be preferable that it not be “junk miles” either. Junk miles defined as a running or walking pace that doesn’t improve aerobic fitness. In this sense we would be referring to doing s.t., even in the endeavor, that is a waste of time and not moving towards the accomplishment of a dream, like (take your choice) shooting pool without paying attention to the shot. And yet to get things started, activities could be in this category as long as they progress toward meeting the specification of moving toward the accomplishment of the dream.

Yes, I think we’re there. This entry is short but more would be a waste of words. Once again the blog has brought me to a conclusion and from here on out I will be more effectively spending my time.

Safe Harbor

It’s been a long time since I sat here in the SAC and wrote in a notebook. Mme Day’s class was cut short today due to her not feeling well so I decided to come in here and drink a cup of coffee, eat a muffin, and write.

Now, I know there are a thousand other things I could be doing but this was my decision. I am not going to waste any more psychic energy than this on the choice; I am aware that I could be sketching for the diary

Of/on what subject shall I write? One of me is suggesting a game to play. It involves making overtures in my blog(s) to see if a certain one is reading, the question comes up; if so, then what?

Often in the past I have embarked on such ventures, not often into personal but more often a road to participating in some activity only to have it turn out to be s.t. not desired and then dropped. When the activity involved others it often turned messy, or at least the termination of it wasn’t handled very sensitively.

Where it involved an organization, it could be terminated without rancor and where it was a skill activity, it could be terminated with simple abandonment without regard to repercussions. Some value could be salvaged financially through the sale of the asset; some for more than paid, some for less.

The one being suggested is a slippery slope onto which I shall not venture.

I recall a time in C60 when I had put things right. It was 1975/6 and I had organized the division such that it was functioning without my direct intervention. There were periods of weeks, even months, when I had nil to do. I had designed an organization, assigned responsibilities, set goals in each of ten areas, interacted weekly, but not to interfere, with those who were in charge and reporting to me.

I had finished my work in C60; I could add nothing more to it. There were even times when I would go for walks in the vast shipyard, from one end to the other to get ideas. But I didn’t have a next move and I was only thirty-six years old. The move came out of left field, in the guise of NNI, a complete change of venue and type of people. Whatever went on behind the scenes to suggest this change, I was not in on any of it. It could have been an extensive analysis or a quick decision; I don’t know.

I am an organizational genius, a systems nerd, an innovator, a person who plays the hand dealt. While this sounds good, it is lacking in an important area. It is even difficult for me to express what that is. Is it a philosophy? Is it an over-arching goal? Is it a desire to fill a need? Is it a reluctance to make a change? Is it being overly sensitive to the feelings of those with whom I am now involved? Is it a fear at the bottom of all these questions—fear to do something else?

In a big way I am there/here again; and have been for almost ten years. The house, the life-style, the income, budget, and activities; all satisfying and the very picture of what anyone could want; then the family, the affection they show, the Acting, golf, riding, and pool, which are the core endeavors. And under that layer, 14 more endeavors and a performance evolution method that works for me. IOW, I have what I set out to get—now what? One answer is to develop the acting endeavor into a professional career, as an actor v. an agent, or director, or trainer, or techie.

I am, however, caught in a web of comfort. A good analogy is that of a sailor who, on a good boat, made it to port, through storm, tide, shifting winds, rain, and night and is now safely moored in a quiet harbor, riding calmly at a mooring with enough provisions to last indefinitely. What does he do now, just sit there?

If my past is prologue, he will weigh anchor, put up the sails and go forth without making a definite choice of destination; sail on to see what islet pops up. Perhaps a small one that allows for quickly exploring it then sailing on to somewhere else. A larger one may take more time but eventually, like now, would also be known/ explored/ understood and the same wanderlust would set in; sort of a Gulliver.

I sit here having attained an age of seventy-one, the result of all that has gone before, ready to set sail again. Perhaps acting is the destination. If it is a genuine desire, it will appear ever larger on the horizon until I anchor in the protected cove on its coast.

I don’t however feel that I have left the anchorage of where I am. I am visiting the harbor pubs, trading lies with the patrons, hearing the stories, building the desire but I haven’t shoved off as yet. An odd question, will it be a decision that is made or one that is recognized after the fact as having been made?

I realize I’ve said that I am now an actor; I could just as easily have said writer, consultant, trainer, or speaker; saying it doesn’t make it so. I’m working at the art of acting by studying, auditioning, learning lines, rehearsing, and performing; by putting myself out there to be recognized, by putting myself in target rich environments. It seems to be working, because I am working and getting paid for it, albeit little. In the longer run, I suppose we will have to revisit this whole thing in another year or so and see where is the boat.

With Whom?

An interesting observation: if I only do what is on my list and calendar, I have much unoccupied time. It is deep in the soul to be occupied, somehow. It is unsettling to sit idle and in order to avoid this feeling, one will find ways to occupy one’s time. I’m not going to list them all but they include work, hobbies of all sorts, reading, writing (such as I am doing right now), television, movies, looking out the window at traffic or just looking out the window. One of the secrets of success is to fill unoccupied time with activities that achieve s.t., things that are consistent with aim.

There is a quote in “New York, the Novel” that the author attributes to Gertrude Stein: “Give me three hours of uninterrupted time every day and I can accomplish more than the vast majority of people.” This rings true but only if one has identified what it is he/she wants to accomplish. This is the rub that I run into, and I am sure that I’m not alone. What is it that I want to accomplish right now? Aside: anyone privy to my notebooks and who’s read my blog to date knows that this question has been plaguing me for a long time. Not having clear focus on a desired end result leads to being distracted into an activity that is not focused on aim and, therefore, a waste of time.

But there is another dimension or aspect that has to be considered and that is desire. It is one thing to have a long list of things that one would accomplish if he wanted to but there is a feeling that the time right now is not right for any one of them. There may be something going on in here that keeps a persona out of the foreground and, therefore, unable to do.

There is the possibility that inertia is in play, or even momentum. These two phenomena are psychological as well as physical, as in when one gets involved in an activity and continues to pursue it well after it is appropriate to quit or when one procrastinates and doesn’t start. These are always possible diversions from working on aim. Inertia may be another word for laziness and could be caused by fatigue; but sometimes one naps and still doesn’t take the bull by the horns afterwards.

Diversion into television programs, news, weather, sports, internet searches, and puzzles for inordinate amounts of time waste lifetime. This is time lost that can never be recuperated and yet there are industries that have built up around giving people the opportunity for diversion. The key is, of course, to use diversion as a sort of recreation and not an end in itself but the purveyors of diversion will allow you to divert as much as you want. The more you divert the better their return on investment. As with the more serious addictive diversions, realization that the possibility exists for getting too deeply involved should be enough to break the pattern and replace diversion with working on aim.

My aims are along the lines of the eighteen endeavors that I have decided to follow and even these are ranked according to importance or desirability or degree of participation desired. Participation in the endeavors allows me to always have options of things to do that are in accordance with dreams, strategies, goals, and acts. The planning method I described earlier allows this homogeneity to exist and allows me to get back to work whenever I get side-tracked into areas that are not according to aim.

The selection and then association with others of like mind is an area of work that I continue to pursue. There are others, with whom I associate ad hoc, and this is good. I am wondering if there should be a place(s) where I could go to just associate in general with others. There are social networking sites that allow this but it is contrived and artificial. They tend to allow one to think he is associating when he is not. It is a virtual situation that doesn’t fulfill my needs. Others have places where they “hang out” and socialize with whoever enters. It takes time to develop such and even then it is only temporary as others drop in and out of circle.

This association thing is much bigger than occasional social contact. In a larger sense it encompasses neighborhoods, congregations, societies, even cities. When the ambience of the association is no longer desirable, people tend to disassociate and move on and attempt to find other associations that provide for their needs. On a grand scale this happens in cities and the one that comes to mind is the city of St. Louis where the population grew to more than 850 thousand people at its peak to less than 250 thousand now. It did this because the city became less than desirable to the citizens. Some, like me, moved away because there was no feeling of identity with the place, others moved to get more desirable housing, others for fear of their safety, others for fear of ever lower real estate values, others to get a feeling that they had it better in a new house and new neighborhood, others as a reaction to the general degradation of the infrastructure, and still others for reasons that are not listed here. The result is a void of more than 500 thousand people who used to live and interact socially within the city limits. The same is true of other cities, including Louisville, but astute politicians, in the true sense of the word, have moved boundaries around and taken steps to address some of the issues that cause people to relocate.

My conundrum remains, where are my non-specific social outlets, to where I can go, fit in, stay as long as I want, leave and return later without recrimination? Where there is always some familiar person, not always the same, with whom I can associate.