Understanding

Just recently, the face of a childhood friend appeared in a dream.  He was no longer 11 years old but a mature man, in about his 30's, and there was no mistaking that it was he.  We greeted each other, had a handshake and a quick man-hug.  Then he was gone again.  After several days I was unable to reach a conclusion as to why.  I simply put it aside.  After all, my friend has been dead for a number of years now.

A piece of the puzzle is that for more than a year now one of the other residents of this rather large apartment complex, has taken great pains to avoid me.  When we first met, as is the usual thing, we talked about from whence we came.  He said he went to a certain school and, what do you know? it is the same one from which I graduated.  Because of our ages, we would have overlapped by a couple of years.  Shortly after that, I noticed the aversion.

It isn't my imagination.  Cases in point: I saw him retreat to a corner where my view of him was blocked until I got on the elevator and it departed; another time, he and his wife got off the elevator they were on waiting to go down.  When I got on with them, they bolted off.  Another time, they left the fitness center before their therapy session was over when I arrived to do my workout.

All of this made me wonder, what on earth?! So I researched graduation records from my school for several years before and after my graduation.  His name was not among those who graduated.

Another piece of the puzzle is me.  I invested in a business venture that went nowhere under my leadership.  Another resident, here, turns out to be the father-in-law of the person who bought that business.  When invited to have dinner with them, I demurred saying that I didn't want to be reminded of all that.  That I'd be happy to say hello and be social, but I did not want to spend a lot of time with them.  It seems to have been understood, and our acquaintance hasn't been affected by it.  I saw them, greeted them, and traded some small talk, then moved on.  My, less than successful, business attempt, was finally faced and reconciled in my mind by admitting that I had not realized the success I'd imagined.  

Back to my grade school friend.  He was the victim of a sexual predator, a homosexual choir master who preyed on several of the boys.  It became known among the school children but not specifically my friend's experience.  Although I became aware of it, maybe he confided in me.  I don't remember. This friend and I went to the same high school and the same college but never associated with each other after grade school.  I didn't think anything of it, ever, until now.  He had experienced something of which he didn't want to be reminded.  Associating with me would have done that.  Now I know and understand.  He appeared in a dream; perhaps my mind was at work, to resolve some issues.

This whole thing is quite interesting.  My mind mulled over events that occurred more than 65 years ago, as well has events that occurred more than 25 years ago, and played them against events that are now occurring, and reached an understanding of it all.  We all do things, of which we don't want to be reminded.  Unless we face them, we will continue to be haunted by them.

  

Memorizing Script

 The rehearsal process is complete on this latest production. The final step for me was to go through my part, from start to finish, in mind.  Now, for good, or not, this is the process I use for getting the role in mind.

1) Read, and if possible view, the entire play.  I watch video and read the script.  All to get a sense of what it is about.  This, however, only gives me a general view of the piece.

2) The initial read-through by the entire cast is important because it gives the other characters voice.  It also begins to bring the script into focus, which is a slow process.

3) The next step, even as rehearsals begin, is a digital file, usually in a spreadsheet workbook format, that contains the script.  If a digital copy of it exists, even .pdf, it can be brought over to the spreadsheet.

4) My character's lines are then isolated in a column marked Me.  Other columns are "the other", moves (blocking), and initials, being the initial letter of each word of my lines.  This may be seen as time consuming, but it is worth the effort.

5) The entire role, including preceding and succeeding others, is then audio recorded using Audacity (or similar recording program). The cue lines (from other character to mine) are recorded as are the next line after my lines.

6) That file is edited using Audacity, deleting my lines but leaving the same silent space for them to be read/recited off mic.

ASIDE: in capturing and recording the script, only the preceding and succeeding lines are displayed and recorded along with my lines.  All others are indicated by name only.

7) Then the rote begins, and continues daily, 1x, or even 2x or 3x per, until the play is ended.

8) Rehearsal brings in the blocking, which is added as notes in another column.  It also allows one to develop interactions with the others; as in, do I like/dislike, admire/abhor, love/hate them, and why? In fact, the relationship lies on a continuum from one extreme to the other and can change during the course of the action.

9) Monologues may require additional emotional content and, therefore, can be copied into their own file for study purposes.  They may take more time than the rest of the script due to their emotional arc.

10) A cryptic outline of my part is then compiled/written/derived, to cue lines and allow the flow of the scenes to be "seen" in short form.  It can include hints for action/movement for quick reference during the beginning phases of rehearsal, then used off-stage when working "off-book"

11) The rote is repeated daily until the whole thing is in mind, clicks.

12) It is repeated/ reviewed before each performance and even on off-days.

At some point, it all will be in mind to the point that it is no longer necessary to keep the rote going.  It is, however, good to refer to the cryptic outline to avoid omissions and errors in blocking until the actor is absolutely sure of it all.

Master Revisited

 

Over time, I've referred to a part of my being as Master.  As is the case with a developing understanding of Life and Living, I have altered my opinion. That to which I have referred as Master is the impressed framework of allowable choices and behaviors.  This framework is "tres forte"  in that to make decisions contrary to it can cause an extreme reaction.

In vernacular parlance, this situation is called going against one's conscience.  All of my examination of the ins and outs of my experiences lead me right back to the accepted version of judging behavior.  It either agrees or disagrees with our conscience.  When the behavior is violaties conscience,  we can experience harmful results, induced by psychological reactions.

It is somewhat reassuring to note that the opinions of the past can be seen to agree with the conclusions of the present.