Whither 2012 and On

Continuing with thinking about “The Wisdom of Dreams,” it follows that in order to dream about having something more than or different from what one currently is experiencing, one has to at least verbalize that dream.  Our minds communicate internally using language so in order for all the pertinent personae to be able to work towards the attainment of a Dream thoughts have to be transmitted to them; for this we use language as the basic means.

There are other means.  Since we experience environment through the five senses, then all of these can be, and should be used to qualify the dream so it can be understood by all.  Then there are the esoteric sources of Aim/Dream that have a great deal of influence on what we do; these are understood by a very few but available to all.

These means are beyond the scope of my understanding at the moment but are, however, understood to exist. Since they are neither rational nor sensual they may well be termed Spiritual, i.e., coming from sources that are not physical.  Some that come to mind are: influences from Universal Consciousness into which we tap from time to time and those that Master brings from past experiences that he wants to complete or experience again at a different level.

 These spiritual Aims are not necessarily verbalized nor sensed in any way but exist and their presence is evident from acts that seem random; efforts that take place but are not reasonably intended, places in which we find ourselves but have no reason for being, people we encounter in the course of events seemingly accidently, people to whom we are attracted, things to which we tend without rational intention.

There is little rational control over these Aims, they will be pursued in this lifetime or the next and so on; but pursued they will be until permanency is attained. When that happens, there is no longer a need for a physical presence to pursue aim and the Being moves on but to where, there is no clue. 

If one can accept that there is a Master inside this Brain-body that is bound to it but at the same time apart from it, then one is better able to understand the previous paragraph.  Meanwhile, in order to keep this Brain-body interested in the events of this lifetime, attempts need to be made to discover the esoteric Aim and work towards achieving it as the Brain-body verbalizes its own Dreams/ Aims.

As long as these are not in conflict with those of Master there is no dissonance and these Dreams/Aims can be pursued without causing angst.  It has been my experience that when pursuing s.t. that was later seen in conflict with the Aim of Master, all sorts of physical and emotional issues arose until it was abandoned and once again peace and harmony descended upon the Brain-body.  This could be confused with conscience but it is somewhat more than that.

This leads to the conclusion that one can do whatever he wants as long as it is not at cross-purposes with the Aim of Master.  Much of what we want and wind up doing may come from past life experiences where we participated in some activity/endeavor and it was pleasant and enjoyable and now those previous experiences are sought once again.  These can explain why we live in this or that location, this or that house, enjoy visiting this or that location, reading about this or that previous set of events, doing this or that activity, and/or having this or that possession.

Concurrency exists among the Master, past lifetimes, and the current lifetime as long as there is no major antimony of Aims.  A way to assure this harmony is to examine those Dreams/Aims that we can verbalize and make reasonable assurance that they are in harmony with the current status of the Brain-body.

A way to do this is to take the Planning Categories, Life Categories, and Traits and Features that are used and make a determination of how well satisfied one is with the current state of affairs; reaffirm this dream or change it to one that more completely, more appropriately leads one to where he would like to be or go.

In order to make this analysis, a sheet has been added to Planning Evolution that is an examination of each of these, starting with where I thought it would be now but made at the end of 2011; state whether to keep on this track or not; If not, to what would it change; if yes, what meaningful change is indicated; then assess the degree of desire and the degree of effort for achieving it.

The planning time is from the solstice to the New Year but this analysis may precede that by some weeks because it will take time and more than one pass to make it meaningful.  It stands to reason that planning for the year can only take place after these dreams/aims are put in place.

Concurrent with this effort is a similar examination of the twenty endeavors that allow one to choose from a variety of options that he would do right here, right now; while waiting.  The idea behind this would be to abandon any endeavor that is no longer desirable and replace it with another that may be more so.

It is often more convenient to stay with s.t. that is obsolete than make the changes necessary to embrace s.t. new.  I can tell that French and Sketching are two to which too little time is given but I don’t know what would take their place.  That is the point of making this analysis, is there s.t. else that would be more happily pursued than ignored and avoided?

Some endeavors are necessities, such as End Game, Financial, Fitness, Physical, and Yard and House, but all the others are “on the table” because examination and verification are the only way that one can be assured of moving towards what he wants.

The Wisdom of Dreaming

It’s the fourth day of November and we just adjusted the clocks for standard time; that always conjures up an image of things coming to an end, the season being over, the cycle at its apogee.   It seems that way because we are in the closing months of the year,  the days are getting shorter, the sun is lower in the sky, the daily temperatures are getting lower, trees have lost their leaves, plants are going dormant or dying.  It evokes a frame of mind, the end of a cycle.

Yet we must recall that it is indeed a cycle and that this is neither an end nor a beginning but a natural progression of the passing of the present.  The game analogy doesn't fit because the game (life) isn't over, it isn’t finished,  the final reckoning hasn't taken place but it goes on and in a larger sense the cycle is eternal.

As I sit here and write this I am forcing myself to examine a process that I put in place about the time we went to Houston in 1985.  It consisted of making plans and setting goals on an annual basis and looking at it weekly to formulate objectives that would move toward the accomplishment of the larger annual goals.

It has been successful and after 25 or more years I can say it with confidence.  And yet one has to ask, to what degree has it been successful?  When one looks at an absolute scale of accomplishment, one can say that much more could have been done, more accomplishments, more fame, more fortune, more, more, more.  It is safe to say that what limits this one is his thinking.

The important realization that is being experienced here and now is that there is no end of the year.  There is no time limit set on what one wants to accomplish except those set by regulation and agreement with others, such as performance dates, tax reporting, license renewals, and start and end times of various events.

Our dreams, as we establish and pursue them, are a personal matter and not a matter of Goals, Objectives, Tasks, and the performance thereof; that comes later.  Rather they are stated desired end results  that become so well understood by the complete being that any and all pertinent personae are aware of them and working on them all the time.

We are part of the universal consciousness, which is collectively all of organized life, and things happen for us because we are tapped into it.  The clearer the dream, the more easily it is realized because we are more receptive to prompts from this universal consciousness. 

This phenomenon has been postulated as “The Secret” and the adherents of that as the complete answer would have one rely totally on concentration on dreams as the means of realizing them.  There are many examples of this and they are powerful endorsements of this concept. 

The setting of goals according to dreams, then plans and strategies to accomplish them is a cognitive process that adds to the probability of realizing dreams.  It is not, however, the only process that is in play.  There are other activities going on all around us that are also working toward the achievement of dreams.

Yet I look at the Ohio River and I can dream and concentrate from now on and there will never be a bridge over it.  The bridge comes when the dream is quantified, planned, and a viable strategy is put in place to accomplish it.  The same is true of individual dreams.  Universal consciousness may present opportunities for realizing them but the individual still has to do the work.

For dreams that don’t require quantification, that don’t require others to be involved on a conscious and rational basis, that are more of “state of being” rather than tangible results, they can be realized without an objective planning method.  As I look back on statements made over the years, it is obvious that I achieved that dream and went on, or achieved it and continue to enjoy it, or am still working to achieve it.  Then there are many more dreams that were achieved by setting specific goals, objectives, tasks, and accomplishing them according to some timetable.

While it is reaffirmed that there is no end of year in the cycle of life, it is still a good framework for reaffirming dreams and planning.  It must, however, be tempered with some judgment; such as staying open to opportunities that come one’s way and not be hidebound by statements made up to twelve months ago.

Such a framework also provides the basis for adjudging opportunities and the changes they may represent.  Without a well-constructed plan based on dreams and desires one could begin to meander through life with a new set of dreams and goals every other day.  When one has the aforementioned framework in place and is presented with what would seem to be a dramatic change of plan, one can quickly assess the possibilities that it represents and either embrace or refuse it.

Staying busy while waiting for opportunity to knock is also important.  It is to this end that one can develop a set of endeavors to be pursued; I have eighteen of them and they provide more than enough opportunity to be involved in doing something constructive as the present passes.  The only caveat that is necessary is that the priority of endeavors be maintained and Acting and Writing are more important than the others; in other words playing pool instead of going to rehearsal is not acceptable.

This has been a good exercise in examining what was considered to be ipso facto. Yet when questioned it came apart then back together again reaffirming what has been the practice but with some improvement.  The year is not the same as a game with a beginning and end of play but a continuing saga.  The realization of the pragmatic truth of realizing dreams; that a planning period is useful for reminding one of what he has set out to do and also be reminded to be flexible to embrace opportunities that arise.

While You Wait

I always seem to be waiting for some future event but what I am doing now, as  I wait, makes all the difference.  In the grand scheme of things, we are all waiting to die; even if that thought is morose, it is true.  The one life event that we cannot escape is the death of this living organism we call our body.  And what we do while we are waiting for that to happen is what makes life interesting.

I’ve been to Medicaid facilities that provide minimal space and care to those who cannot afford anything better.  These places are the last stop on the way out for a lot of people.  It seems that once ensconced in one there is no getting out.  One has to be destitute to get in, so how can one get out.  Many of these people are quite literally sitting around waiting to die.  They gaze disinterestedly at a TV screen, or simply sit there and look at whatever passes into their field of view.  They aren’t doing much of anything more than waiting—to die.

This can be thought of as an extreme but is it?  How many others are sitting around in their houses, apartments, trailers, or rooms and pass the time of day in a distracted way watching whatever comes into view, mostly daytime television programs.  But these and others, me included, spend a lot of their time distracted from their lifetime aim.

If one were to answer the question, “What are you doing?” by saying, “I am working on aim,” he/she would know that they are participating in life and living and progressing towards achievement of that aim.  To be able to honestly state this as the answer to the question is far from an easy thing to do.  It requires that one know what his/her aim is and then that he/she be able to select activities that are consistent with achieving it.

One of the features of a large organization is the departmentalization of activities that allow a worker to do that specific thing that fulfills his role.  All resources are provided for him and it is up to him to get the required results that fulfill his purpose.  Organizations evolve, what was a required role ten years ago may no longer be appropo to the current requirements.  But specialization (departmentalization) continues to be the way large organizations operate to achieve whatever results they require.

It can be argued that the organizational model reflect the way beings are structured.  IOW, we are departmentalized in order to achieve aim.  There are many activities that the body performs as it lives that are specialized; even some of these are further subdivided into even more specialized activities.

Think of digestion for example; a large quantity of material is ingested during the course of a day-week-month-year-lifetime, all of it is masticated, mixed with saliva, swallowed, passed into the stomach, dissolved, passed into the intestines, metabolized into useful compounds on a molecular level, made available to where it is needed, traded for used, damaged, or useless molecules, which are then carried away.  I don’t even know what I’m writing about except that it is a huge, highly specialized activity that goes on constantly throughout the life of the body and one that does not require the concern of the “active” part of the mind, except to select what to ingest.  This same thing is true for other bodily activities, all with the express purpose of allowing the being to work on s.t. else; ideally to work on aim. 

The nature of the organization of the brain-body goes beyond the support of the physical functions.  The many personae that are part of the being also have desires and aims that may or may not be consistent with other personae in the being.

A gross example is those personae in the sexual center that have the ultimate aim of procreating and reproducing the species.  There are times that needs of these personae become so urgent that other, more important needs of the being are put aside.  This phenomenon occurs not only in the context of the sexual center but also among the other centers as well.

There is always the danger that an activity to satisfy appetites, i.e. physical gratification, takes precedence over those that tend to achieve lifetime aim.  It takes a strong true “I” to deal with these.  It is only the strength of the desire of the true “I” of the being to achieve the aim of the lifetime that rescues the being from perdition.  

Other aims of personae that comprise the being are there for the doing.  It can only be hoped that having done them will advance the being towards his aim of this lifetime.

There are also many subordinate aims that can be selected for work.  My endeavors, for example, each has an aim, a reason for being pursued and writing this blog is one example; it is not necessarily my ultimate aim but certainly an aim worth pursuing.  Working on these other aims can result in strengthening the ability of the being to achieve lifetime aim.  Work on lifetime aim can be accomplished in the background while working on subordinate aims is carried out by those personae in the driver's seat.  

"Sunday, Sweet Sunday..."

Seldom do programs, plays, or movies resonate with me to such an extent that time is spent dwelling on them but once in a while one seeps through.  This is the case with a recently viewed episode of the Andy Griffith show from 1962, reinforced by comments made by Deanna O’Daniel in her memoirs of life growing up in Louisville and environs.  That which comes to mind is the concept of a day of rest, when all things are closed and people do nothing except relax from the weekly schedule.

One can say that I am only on that schedule that I impose upon myself but lately I am seeing more of my time being allocated to obligations of one kind or another.  For example, starting last week I joined the cast of a play that rehearses on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, the Whodunnit rehearsals will overlap with this and go on until performances in November and December, Stage Movement classes are on Tuesdays and Thursdays,  my pool teams compete on Tuesdays and Thursdays, Saturdays are for riding, golf on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, deliver meals on every third Thursday, Rotary Club meetings on Tuesday mornings,  and spend time as necessary as Community Services chairperson.  In addition to these there is time that must be spent learning lines and songs for current productions and other chores.  And just now I agreed to work in the lobby for the current Whodunnit production.  Maybe this is why the concept of a day of rest is rising to the surface. 

The day of rest is meant to be a time that the brain is allowed to regroup and restore some sense of calm to the being and it requires a certain discipline of its own to accomplish.  The description provided by Deanna O’Daniel, the AGS, and my memory of Sundays at home from 1940 to 1960 is consistent. 

One goes to church in the morning after a breakfast of coffee cake and coffee, comes home to read the Sunday paper, eats a large noon meal together at the table, then cleans up the mess, and simply sits around the rest of the day.  Usually mom would lie down across the bed, pop would lie on the sofa in the living room, Barbara and I listened to Sam Spade, The Shadow, and Gangbusters detective stories on the radio from time to time later on Sunday afternoon, otherwise we did nothing in particular.  the evening  supper, was usually very simple, hot dogs, sausages, or lunch meat, potato salad or maybe pork and beans, and tomatoes.  We rarely had company.  Then after supper or even during, we’d listen to the radio for the Jack Benny Show.  I think it came on at 6pm central time there in Saint Louis.  This was the routine except for the many Sundays we went to Troy but even there the routine was very similar.

There is biblical reference to a day of rest and it has been adopted by religions throughout the centuries.  The concept may have been around for a lot longer than recorded history, we don’t know.  It is certainly commonsensical to take a day of rest and seven days is a good enough interval in between.  It almost makes me wonder if there isn’t some sort of psychological reason for it.

We sleep several hours every day and this was brought about by the light-dark cycle of the day but even this sleep phenomenon is deeper than simply being in the dark and waiting for daylight.  All day long the brain is besieged by situations that have to be handled and it winds up a little jumbled up after a while.  “So everyday along about evening, when the sunlight’s beginning to fail…” we are overcome, eventually, by fatigue that is both mental and perhaps physical. 

Rest and even sleep is necessary for the maintenance work required on the body and the brain.  I’ve dealt with sleep in previous writing and won’t go into it here.  Suffice it to say that not all of the brain-body goes dormant during first state; there are many facets of it that work in the background to rejuvenate the being.

It stands to reason that there may be situations that transcend the daily wake-sleep cycle and these are reconciled by the day of rest.  It is important to  follow this idea by being involved in some activity that is completely abnormal, has little or no stress involved with it, and resist the temptation to get involved with activities that are taken up during rest of the week.

The timing of once a week is interesting.  Did we evolve into it after we decided to measure time by seven-day periods or did we start using weeks after it was innately discovered that the brain-body needed a day of rest in addition to several hours of sleep every day?  There is a lot of conjecture about how the seven-day week was adopted; the upshot is that it fits nicely in almost all aspects of our understanding of life and living.  Ancients had five visible planets plus the sun and the moon, the number seven is special in almost all mythology, and it fits our personal needs if we let it.

The concept of a day of rest, for me now at this time of my life, is an emphasis of the other side of that coin.  One day of rest and six days of activities, working in Aim.  It would be too easy to allow myself to have several days of rest during the week and not work on Aim.

The conclusion to which I am coming is that a day of rest is as necessary as is a night of sleep but only if one’s days are taken up with obligations which impose some form or other of stress.  It should be noted here that stress build-up is a personal thing and not to be judged by anyone else.  Some people are able to cope with incredible situations and keep a perspective while others get overwhelmed by seemingly minor issues.  Only the bearer of stress can know the extent of concern that exists.  A day of rest allows the mind to reset itself.  A day of rest opens six to activity.

The Secret

Everybody wants to know the secret; it is the answer to our prayers, the way to get the skill, riches, awards, medals, and stardom that we crave; The Secret is also the title of a DVD that is devoted to getting what you want.  I watched it and came away with mixed feelings.

The prescription is not new to me, it is s.t. to which I was exposed in my youth when my dad gave me the seven little red books and it has been repeated often in my experience with reading and listening to various motivational people.  Yet listening to it again was a sort of reaffirmation of the phenomenon.

A disturbing aspect of watching the movie is coming away with the feeling that there is something lacking in me and I want to explore that here.  Nothing could be farther from reality and yet this is a common reaction that I have whenever I hear or listen to someone who has made it big.  What’s wrong with me that I’m not equally successful?  It seems that I have a modicum of success when others have an abundance of it.   This is a defect in my thinking. 

The reminder in the movie to “count your blessings” is an aspect of the whole philosophy of which I could do a lot more.  I tend to focus on the half empty instead of the half full; tend to look as what has to be done instead of what has been accomplished, tend to get discouraged when I realize that I’m not there yet; tend to jump off the train before it reaches its destination.  I could recount actions that I’ve taken in my lifetime that would be examples of each of the above and there are more than one of each.

All of these are pitfalls to the success mentality.  So I’m making a resolution that from this time now and on I will practice the opposite of all of the above.  I’ll be looking for the good, the success, the accomplishment, the small improvement in performance that is made—and there is always a positive aspect to be observed.

Then there is the lack of associations that I continue to decry; another change that has to be made in my thinking.  When I reflect on my associations I can see that I have sufficient to get the help, advice, assistance, and company to do whatever.  For every one of my endeavors for which an association is appropriate, there are some.   The focus of my thinking has to be on the appreciation of those associations and encourage them.

Then there’s the jealousy factor whenever I am involved in s.t.  I am putting it down here because it has been a factor in the past.  I found myself being sensitive to others taking credit for my efforts; horning in on my territory, using association with me to feather their nest at, what I saw as, my expense.

This comes from the desire for recognition and it is totally bogus.  If I am doing s.t for recognition, it is being done for the wrong reason.  I have recognized this and now tend to do things to make a good “recital” and not bragging rights.  And the good recital is for my benefit and not that of others except that they not feel uncomfortable watching or listening.

The lesson of recognition came home during the past few months.  I was recognized by the French government with the Order of Merit and by my Rotary Club as Rotarian of the Year.  Neither of these was the result of a conscious effort on my part except to work hard at the jobs I had.

One could delve into past situations and performance to hammer home the ideas set out above but that would be counterproductive at the very best.  I am here, I want to be there.  Recognizing the changes in my thinking and making them will certainly help me get there.

Repeating them here for my own benefit:

1) Know specifically what I want including a willingness to work for it

2) Concentrate on the good things that I already have

3) See the positive aspect of any and all that I do

4) Appreciate and be sensitive to the associations that I have

5) Work for the greater good, not for recognition

There was another aspect that was brought out by the movie; it is emotional involvement in the pursuit of aim.  It is reported here but only to recognize it as part of the picture.  The emotional involvement is the enjoyment of the prospect of working on aim with the added thought that when objective aim is consistent with the development aim of Master there is a fundamental resonance that enables one to experience joy.

Who Will Do for Me

A thought haunts me and I’m not sure how it’s going to pan out when it gets into writing because a conclusion hasn’t been reached about it, just a thought.  So the writing will be a way of thinking about it and, who knows, some conclusion may be reached after a while at this keyboard.

I’ve written about waiting and this is a related thought, or topic; well it has to be a thought because it doesn’t have a name yet so it can’t quite be a topic, it relates to having nil to do.  When all that has been listed is done what’s next?  But it is an even broader sense of this about which I want to write.

Suppose one was to have enough resources at his disposal to hire someone to do all the mundane work that he normally does, all of the little things that take up his time and thought; what would he do with the time that was now available? 

Starting with getting up in the morning one would have to take care of grooming and dressing himself but where would it go from there?  It could be that the meals were prepared by s.o. else and ready to eat; the log would have to be written personally, as would reading the current book, the bit of French reading, and chiro stretches but once those few chores were out of the way?

If one were to arise at a reasonably early hour, say seven o’clock, the minimal chores would be complete within forty-five minutes or so.  That would mean that from eight o’clock until eleven p.m. there would be no prescribed chores to be done. 

There would be no yard work, landscaping, or plant watering, contracted out; no meals, cooked by others; no bills or correspondence, administered by others except for immediate matters that required response; no leather cleaning, shoe shining, small repairs, car maintenance, shopping, laundry, dry cleaning, driving, dishes, or housework, done by others; don’t have to make the bed, hang up the towels, or clean up the dishes.

The big question is what would personally be done?  The answer lies in the endeavors.  Right now they are a list of twenty items and we need to look at them to see the survivors and those to be hired out.  The actions I take to pursue my endeavors are: audition, utilize (assets), associate, serve (community), enjoy (cooking), use (digital technology), manage (personal finances), exercise, study (French), play (golf), think (life and living), develop (maintain brain-body), compete (pool), ride (horses), sketch, socialize, act, travel, write, and work (maintain the house and yard.)

Of these I could hire out utilize digital technology, manage personal finances, and work to maintain the house.  All the others are things that I want to do for personal achievement and to enjoy my time during the day.  The digital technology aspect could be hired out so I would specify what I wanted installed and utilized and have someone else make sure that it was done and that I am trained.

How much of my time and psychic energy would be freed by such an arrangement?  Since each of these is that to which physical and psychic energy is being applied, we can think of it as a bubble of present activity.  This bubble expands and contracts with desired results.  When something has to be done, the bubble inflates; when it is completed it deflates, or even pops.  It is when it hangs around not finished that it begins to bother me.

In almost every instance of my life this is the scenario; a goal or activity is selected and then work goes on to accomplish same.  As in the case of the telephone service modification, it is hanging around a long time unfinished due to unforeseen circumstances.  Unfinished, misbegotten, procrastinated, or otherwise incomplete activities cause me considerable angst.

Sometimes less important endeavors, and by this I mean less directly related to the achievement of my major aim(s), are used as a distraction from spending time and energy on the majors.  The majors being acting and writing, and then there are others that get neglected out of laziness or even reluctance; these are: associating, utilizing assets (improving net worth), French, and social.

In fact, there wouldn’t be a lot of time made available if I was to hire out those that could be done by others.  By the time I managed someone to do this it would be easier and more time efficient for me to do it myself.  The only requirements for me are (1) the ability to see what needs doing, (2) the discipline necessary to do it, and (3)stop when no further progress can be made for additional effort.

The plotting and scheming that I do each week keep me going but it could be that it allows me to think that I’m making progress when actually there is much more to be made if I applied myself to it more diligently.  The question from Alan Aiken in his book How to Get Control of Your Time and Your Life has to be asked over and over again: “What is the best use I can make of my time, right now?”

The answer has to be objective rather than expedient.  This is the second pitfall into which I fall because I will often pick s.t. that is fun, pleasant, easy, or distracting instead of s.t. that moves me towards achievement of aim.  Along with this is the discounting of laziness and reluctance.  All too often s.t. doesn’t happen because of one or the other of these and then I become aware of the lost opportunity later and get filled with regret and often become critical of me.

One gage of achievement is how much time one spends waiting.  The optimum situation is to have enough of a grasp of what needs doing to achieve aim that one can fill every waking moment with doing it.  

To sum up this post, if you need a helping hand, look at the end of your arm.

The Womb

In a book or movie a seemingly insignificant word or phrase can become the representation of the whole text.  In The Treasure of the Sierra Madre the bandito says, “Badges, we don’t need no stinkin’ badges.” The movie is more than an hour in length and almost anyone familiar with it remembers this line.  In Gone with the Wind Rhett Butler says, “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn” and everyone remembers it.  Or hear a bell tinkle at Christmas and someone will say, “An angel just got his wings” from It’s a Wonderful Life.

My dailies are comprised of thirty-eight assertions varying in length from a few words to more than twenty.  There is one, down near the end that is innocuous but probably the most significant in a philosophical sense.   There are others that are more didactic, more prescriptive, more objective, more cautionary, more commanding, more prophetic but none more philosophical, "Being the womb of Essence, I am humble."  

There’s a reason for this and it’s because none of the others recognize the dichotomy that exists between Master and Brain-body.  Considering that there is an entity that exists in the body but is not of the body is difficult and this is what this particular daily brings to mind when it is said.

There is one time when this bipartition can be experienced, albeit briefly, and that is just before the Brain-body goes to sleep, i.e. first state.  At this point, if one is careful and aware, you can get a glimpse of that “other” part, Master.  He is mute and in his own way moves the being toward permanence.  The only time he can be experienced is at this juncture of crossing into first state, or what we commonly refer to as sleep.  Aside: Sleep has been explored in a previous entry.

 It is important for me to recognize that all of my thoughts are products of the brain, all of my sensations and reactions to them are primarily of the body.  All of my memories, imagining, reasoning, and decision making are of the brain.  The only time I can even approach experiencing the other component of my being is when all is completely still; this occurs most frequently when I am about to slip into first state.  And it is difficult to differentiate between imagined and “real” experience in this regard.

At no time does/has Master said anything yet he makes his presence felt all throughout the day/ lifetime comprised of all the days that the brain-body is alive.   He has a purpose, an agenda, but “I” am not privy to it; I know when I am acting in a way that does not agree with it because things don’t go well.

There have been times that I felt punished for behaving this way or that and the behaviors causing the problem were not necessarily what would normally be considered “bad” behaviors.  I know when I am acting in accordance with his agenda because all goes swimmingly; and this is not always what would be considered “good” behavior.

From my limited vantage point I would conclude that Master is developing and this development is facilitated by experiences of the brain-body at his disposal.   Yet there are other forces felt by the brain-body, urges, appetites, emotional responses to experiences especially those involving others, issues about the safety and security of the brain-body, issues about procreation, issues of maintenance, and issues of getting along in society.

All of these extraneous needs have to be addressed by the brain-body but fundamentally Master has needs to be met in order for him to reach permanency.  Yet, it would seem that there is a realization that if for some reason his needs aren’t met it’s okay because he has the choice of continuing his quest in a subsequent existence.

It may be vanity but my thinking is that the Master in me is enjoying development along whatever lines he desires and has been for some years now.  There is a certain physical equilibrium and mental peace that is enjoyed day in and day out which can only come from conforming to his desires.  There have been other periods in this lifetime where things were out of kilter with what were probably his desires and there were physical and psychic problems associated with those periods of time which went away when the behaviors changed.

It is difficult to see a reflection of this visage without identifying with it; even more difficult to see a reflection and realize that this is one aspect of my being, and an important one but not the only one.  Our eyes are positioned such that we cannot see ourselves is a clue to the situation that we are in.  It wasn’t until the camera that we were able to see a true image and it won’t be until holographic technology is perfected that we will see a true three dimensional image of ourselves.

If all of this is my imagination, then I’ll die and that will be the end of it but at the very least I will have had an interesting time of it on the way as I stay open to other possibilities.  In the meantime I will continue think about it and continue to seek Master, perhaps meet him.  Not out of the question because I don’t know.

There are many religions in the world and some espouse similar thoughts to these; my inherent distrust of organized religion, and those who think they understand it and consequently preach it, precludes me from glomming on to any of them.  Yet there are some interesting albeit obscure references to that of which I am writing.  One has to be sensitive to these ideas and then see how they creep out of the woodwork when allowed to do so.

But most important, one must think about it and continue to do so without becoming dogmatic.  Where am I?  I am here.  I want to go there.  Where is there?

Back to the Course

The golf course is an unforgiving place.  The walk today was an exceptional experience for me: four pars, 3 bogeys, and 2 doubles for a nine-hole total of 43.  Today I joined up with two other fellows on number four after sinking a long putt on number three for a par.  One of them, a few holes later, said that I seemed to be an expert on getting up and down because I was hitting my irons so well from the fairway.  I said, “Thank you.”

As I played, and walked, I was taken up with thoughts about my moving center, my intellectual center, and the interplay between them.  It was an interesting afternoon.  I’ll get into more of that later but now I want to write a little bit about the eyes.

Often we talk about vision in a allegorical sense; what is your vision? How do you see it? What is the vision of the company? All of these and other references to vision impart a much different meaning to it than seeing with the eyes.

Probably because the eyes are such a major sense when compared to the other four senses, it is only natural to impart to them more importance, to give them a more prominent place in our expression of thoughts.  A diagram of the senses with each of the sensors given a proportional size to its importance doesn’t even show the eyes because they would be disproportionately large in comparison.

Yet when one strips away the myth, the allegory, and the literary references, the eyes are one of the five senses with which we experience the present in which we are involved – now, and only now.  We can’t experience the past or the future with our senses; for that we use our memory and imagination.  These two are often melded into one another as imagination affects memory when we try to remember, and memory influences imagination as we project into the future.

The eyes are a tool of the brain-body and they occupy a unique position on/in it.  They are placed on the front of the head, only about three inches apart, and yet they are able to accurately gauge distances and relative movement of objects anywhere from a few inches to several miles away.  Not only that but they can do this in bright sunlight and in starlight.  But they cannot see the face in which they are set without the aid of a mirror, which reverses left and right unless compound mirrors are used, or by recording, photographic or digital images; still or moving.

Today I became aware that I was able to see all around, up and down, back and forth and almost all of my body, except my face.  The question came to mind, “Is this a message, is there meaning to this?”

The design would indicate that it is not important to see the features of one’s face.  Vanity instills in us a desire to see same, but apparently it is not/ was not deemed important enough to make allowances for doing so without the aid of special equipment.

Yet everyone else around us can see our face.  And because their vision is so acute, honed by thousands of years of evolution and fine tuned by a lifetime of experience, they are able to see in our face the emotion that is transiting our brain at that instant.  Only the skilled actor can control of the countenance and either hide or display a particular emotion; and even then they are wont to give it away.

In playing golf, the eyes are a tool used by the personae of primarily the moving center to determine what motion and to what degree that motion has to be delivered.  They are used by personae of the intellectual center to analyze the situation ahead of time to set it up properly and afterwards to provide feedback on results.  The disciplined golfer does not allow other personae to interrupt this process.

It was my work for today, for the most part, there were struggles among personae; there were physical constraints due to age and ability, there were distractions but, by and large, they were kept to a minimum and the result was a score of 43.

It was an experiment that was successful.  It was premeditated and prescribed; it was called to mind every time the ball was addressed to be hit by whatever club including the putter.  The results speak for themselves and it is worth another attempt.

There is memory associated with each of the major centers of the brain-body; intellectual recalls facts and formulae, emotional recalls situational feelings, social recalls how best to deal with different individuals, instinctive recalls what to do in a threatening situation, sexual recalls how to act/react for procreation, and the moving center recalls what to do to produce a specific movement.

This moving memory, often called muscle memory, is what allows us to ride a bike after not doing it for forty years,  to pick up right where we left off the last time we danced, rode, swam, skated, skied, hiked, ran,-- you name it.

On the other hand, developing moving memory is time consuming and often frustrating.  Recall how often you were unsuccessful in executing a desired moving activity until the technique was finally mastered.

This moving memory exists in many unsuspected forms.  Stair climbing—try a set of stairs that doesn’t have an eight-inch riser; sitting—sit down on a bench that is less than the normal height; yet one can unerringly put his hand on the soap in the soap dish in the shower with his eyes closed, face lathered with shampoo, and water running all over him.

The goal is to allow this moving memory to take over in making a move after realizing that the appropriate work has been done to allow it.  When putting, the last thing I think is, “There’s the hole, there’s the ball; put the ball in the hole,” then I quiet all but my moving golf persona for the putt.  The result is often a rattling in the cup or a tap-in.

Prose, Poetry, and Script

Here we are in the middle of June, the first 100 blog posts have been published in three volumes entitled “Notes on Life and Living” and the three readers have given them rave reviews.  (They are available for $20 each if anyone is interested/ that amount just does cover the cost so I’m not ripping anyone off.)  Now I have prepared 18 philosophical poems about the same subject, As I Live My Life, and will print a limited number of them in a booklet.

Poems in this form are enjoyable to write; they are of a structure that I invented for conveying more or less esoteric thoughts.  The general form is two sets of two lines each of assertion, four lines of exposition, two more sets of two lines each of expansion, four lines of erudition, two lines of advice, and a one line conclusion.  It works for me and I’m the poet.

The objective of writing scripts for plays and movies hasn’t been abandoned; I keep talking about it but haven’t put pen to paper, finger to keypad yet.  The one play I wrote was pretty good, it didn’t go any further than an edited first draft so no one has taken it apart for me to rewrite.  I did it in a playwriting class and defended it fairly well; the professor thought I showed promise.

It seems to me that script writing almost has to be a collaborative effort, at least at first.  This assertion is borne out by famous play writes and the multiple credits on screenplays that I see in movies.  That a single individual can write a script from start to finish without collaboration would mean that the writer is a genius or has had the benefit of having done it with others many times before and knows what works and what doesn’t.

One of my Whodunnit buddies has written three scripts to date and I was lucky enough to perform in one of them.  They held water for the genre and audiences like them.  The Whodunnit process requires collaboration; an author can write what he/she thinks will work and then it is reviewed by objective third parties, has a dramatic reading, and finally goes into rehearsal.  Problems can be discovered anywhere along the way and rewriting is required time and again.

The ideal of a writer in his garret turning out finished plays is just that, no relation to reality.  In truth, the script is hammered over and over again until it takes the shape that will stand performance.  I doubt that the Whodunnit process is unique.

When talking to the co-author/director of my most recent movie appearance, he allowed that the script we used was the back story to the original script idea, which was found to be too ephemeral  for performance.  Much work went into the original concept such that when the back story became the script, it was finished in short order but not, however, without getting a paid professional to review it before production started.

This script, for a feature length movie, was approximately 80 pages and there were a lot of stage directions included.  Having observed this one closely because I was in it, I have to assume that it is fairly close to the “real deal.”  With more experienced actors, directors, and cinematographers, I can understand shorter scripts.  In this case the writers wanted the story told a certain way and, since one was also directing, that’s the way it was made.

The same was true of Atomic Bombers, a play I was in earlier this year.  The director was the author about 25 years earlier and he admitted that the way he directed it was a slightly different take on the story from the perspective of today’s post 9/11 world.  I’m sure the nuances were subtle because the script was the same original script used for the first production back then.

I am registered for a class in script analysis that should help me in this quest for putting my thoughts on stage.  The fact that I’m not a crusader, idealist, or activist may work against me but I am a philosopher and as long as I keep to my field of life and living and present my characters as being involved in that, I just may be able to pull this off.  The format could be Whodunnit, could be classical, could be comedy, and could be soap opera; they all will work because they all reflect life and living.

There is such a condensation of expression via words from prose to poetry, and such an expansion of expression when the ideas are put into play because the audience becomes emotionally involved without a written page.  This becomes my reason for doing it.  I’ve seen the economy of words that poetry allows, I’ve seen the complete expression that prose allows, and I’ve seen the way actors using the same script can interpret it differently but still faithfully.

The question that is begged is why?  Why would a reader bother to read others’ thoughts?  Why would an audience sit through 90 minutes of a whole lot of others’ ideas on a how a situation could be portrayed?  The answer is for entertainment, for the escape of not having to come up with the idea but rather have the idea presented to them to be enjoyed, accepted, or rejected.

Each reader or audience member has a different angle from which he/she is experiencing the work.  Some are on the top level of what is said and done; others are concerned with how it is said and/or done; and still others are commenting on the technique that the production company, in all the aspects of it, used to create the desired effect, and there are still other aspects of a production upon which people concentrate.  When writing prose, poetry, or script one cannot take all these things into account.  A good author brings a story, which allows each to enjoy along his own line of analysis and thus be entertained.

Moving on to Success

This is going to be an interesting item.  I just finished editing the final installments of the first 100 blog entries and have published them in booklet form; three parts that cover the gambit.  All the while I was editing them; I found the thoughts still interesting to me but editing was necessary to make them more cogent and possibly less personal; by that I mean I took out references to people by name.

The entries accomplished their intended purpose, i.e. to help me work through some uncertainty and put some structure to my thinking.  The one thing that kept coming through to me was my uncertainty.  Often the entries were an attempt to explore an idea and they came off as being somewhat timid, somewhat fearful, somewhat uncertain, overly critical of me, and generally namby-pamby.

The answer to this criticism is, “Yes;” that was the whole purpose of the entries in the first place.  The thoughts that produced them came out of those very feelings and the only way to deal with them was to explore them in writing and confront them.  So, if I sit here now and woe the fact that I was honestly expressing my feelings, I would negate the process and repress my feelings; neither of which is productive.  “Expressing my feelings forthrightly, I am assertive.”

In an effort to be objective, however, I want to express something that also came through the writing.  Often I would write about a feeling of inferiority, or disadvantage, or losing, or being less than a full fledged citizen of the world but upon objectively examining those feelings I could see that these were exaggerations of the truth.  Almost like self-pity in a way, giving in to feelings that are only marginally true but dwelling on them in order to examine them.  The examination proved constructive and the feelings abated to their proper insignificance.

The best analogy that can be made is having an irritating hangnail, one keeps toying with it until he grips it and pulls it off, only to wince in pain.  Now the pain is insignificant but if one dwells on it, it becomes an object of obsession until one looks up and sees that there are indeed many more important matters with which to deal than this pesky little problem.

The utility of the entries was understood at the time they were made but a more significant appreciation of them came about as a result of editing them for publication.  Some of the notes, especially surrounding mom’s death, were especially thought provoking after the fact.  The journey to decision about acting was likewise illuminating.  I didn’t realize how significant that was until later.

Reading my reluctance to jump into agency, head shots, auditions, and the business of acting in general was surprising to me.  From the vantage point of being here now and looking back, I’d forgotten the mental barriers that were in place to get going on it.  They didn’t stop me nor even slow me down but they were there just the same.  One reading the entries might get the opinion that there was a lot of trepidation, even to the point of causing the effort to not be made.  No, it wasn’t that way at all; the efforts were made in spite of it all.

It may have been pointed out during the course of writing that when a disadvantage was identified, almost every time the opposite of it was quickly identified and it was seen to be false.  This has been a hallmark of my actions; push on according to plan.

Often my writing would spawn a course of action that would result in a plan.  The planning process that is contained in Leadership Training for Managers is one of many effective planning processes and one that has been used often to exceptional results. 

Much of what is being written here is to get the point across that however dire the situation seemed to have been in the writings, the option to sit back and do nothing was never taken.  The opposite is true, whenever a situation seemed to be dire, a desired end result would be stated and plans to achieve it put in place, either a formal, written plan or an item in the Planning Evolution file but always some goal, strategy, and plan to alleviate the situation.

All of this is interesting but there is another avenue of thought that I want to traverse.  It has to do with attitude, confidence, and winning.

Attitude is an advanced concept.  Some motivational types have been heard to say, “The only thing you can control is your attitude; so maintain an attitude that supports your success.”  This is all well and good but it is not such a simple thing to do.  One can delude oneself into thinking he/she has an attitude of confidence and success but an independent observer sees the performance for what it is.

I’ve talked about this before in these writings and have adopted the philosophy of having a good recital and an objective report.  In other words, work on my performance of skills to constantly improve them and 

avoid talking about it except to modestly report factual accomplishments.

It is too easy to fall into the trap of talking a good game but not having same.  Spectators, fans of sports, do it all the time; they vicariously participate in the sport and begin to identify with the actual competitors.

One works to experience the feeling of confidence, even anticipation of success,  that descends on a player when he is in the flow of his game.  It allows the continuation of successful performance: stage acting, competitive golf, competitive pool, or judged performance on a horse.  This feeling only comes from repeating the activity in real life, on stage, on the course, at the table, and in the arena, and building on successful experiences to the point that the feeling happens.  You know it when it does.

Omniscience and Us

The difference between a good and bad haircut is two weeks.  Dutch the barber in Newport News would say, “That ought to hold you until you can find a real barber.”  Both of these are brought to mind today because I got a haircut and by golly it is cut.  She did a good job, trimmed my mustache as well, but I think she took a little too much off the top and it will be a while before it lies back the way it normally does.

That isn’t important, as a matter of fact almost nothing is and that’s one of the advantages of this time in my life.  I have one obligation to others and that is a Friday LTM in Lexington and that’s it.  I kind of like it this way.  I can pursue my endeavors to my heart’s content, handle requests as they come in, plan and execute the larger projects, and just do whatever I want during the day.

Today was a good example; I got a haircut this morning, talked to my daughter for a while, ate a little lunch, the chicken salad was good, then went to the golf course and played nine holes, came home to relax but had plenty of energy so I cut the grass, greeted the roofers who repaired a blown shingle, made a great sauce to go with the leftover calf’s liver, watched some news on TV and now I’m writing this blog.  None of this was planned, some of it listed but none of it planned. 

Tonight before we go to bed I’ll bring in the plants we bought yesterday, another spontaneous activity when we got fed up with basketball and the one-sided UK v. Baylor game.  We just upped and went to Lowe’s and got gardening supplies, which were on the list, and plants for the pots and flower boxes that weren’t.

 I note this because just recently I was decrying the fact that there is no spontaneity in my life.  As usual whenever I recognize or comment on a condition, a bunch of contradictions come out of the woodwork

I have edited the second of three volumes of Notes on Life and Living which will total about 650 pages.  I am not sure about printing these last two volumes because of the cost involved and the fact that even a minimum quantity of twenty-five  go undistributed.  I sent one each to my three children and heard scant little about them but then I don’t expect to hear anything.  I just want them to have the books because it is my thinking and when I’m dead that’s all they’ll have.

The booklet The Linas in Troy Missouri has enjoyed a little popularity on line and the family that received copies all commented positively about it.  My dad left almost no written records behind except for one little sentence in a diary that he started and stopped after one entry.  It was a significant entry because he pinpointed the date that his parents moved to Troy Missouri as April 1, 1932.

An odd thing, I don’t even know where that diary came from but just after I published the booklet it “appeared” in my bookcase, I opened it and found the entry in his handwriting.   The diary itself was a gift to him from a granddaughter but how it got to my bookshelf, in my study and why I opened it after I’d searched high and low for the date of the move is a mystery to me. 

This among many other instances of fortuitous discoveries makes me think that we are connected to omniscience and from time to time we tap into it by following our nose; or saying it another way, we tap into it by not interfering with the process of doing so.  Not that we know what that process is but all too often we “take steps” instead of following intuition.

In the early fall of 1958, downtown Saint Louis was as packed as New York City today.  I knew that two college buddies were there and I was at 8572 Oriole Ave when I decided I would go downtown and find them.  I took the Broadway streetcar, walked up Olive and found them at the McCrory’s Dime Store with absolutely no hint from them as to where they would be or when.  I walked right to them and didn’t think too much about it.

There may be a danger in this line of thinking, or maybe not.  I think the first requirement is to have a clear idea of for what one is looking, the second is patience, and the third is the detachment necessary to follow without interfering.  The failed attempts at tapping into it may be the lack of one of these requisites or that there is no omniscience and one waits forever to find whatever.  Personally, I think there is omniscience; there have been just too many instances of fortuitous coincidence in my life.

For some time I thought perhaps some spiritual benefactor was looking kindly upon me and arranging for me to find/get what I wanted.  I don’t think that’s true anymore.  No, I think it is what I’ve just been writing about.

And this is what I mean when I say organized religion is problematic; they can’t abandon at will a tenet of their belief system without causing a crisis of faith for those who bought into it.  If the RCC was to say that they were wrong, Mary wasn’t assumed into heaven, what would that do?  Or pick any other of the myths of Catholicism like the Eucharist; they made an about face on that in 1963 but there is/was a whole generation who continued to literally worship a piece of bread—perpetually.

I look around and see that almost all that I have is the result of the above omniscience, some has been obtained in more conventional ways but all of it has resulted from a clear idea of what I wanted, patience to persist in getting it, and often a certain detachment from the pursuit of it but taking necessary action when opportunity presented itself..

This same thing is true about relationships with other people but only partially.  The clear idea etc. gets to the encounter but there’s just no way of predicting what will happen after that.  This is what makes life among human beings and even other animals so interesting.

Waiting

Here we are in the first week of March and there are things on the horizon that will take place later; I find myself in a waiting mode.  Then, as I ponder that, I find one spends a lot of his lifetime waiting. It is because I plot and scheme and come up with things to do… in the future.

In younger years it wasn’t like that because most of the time was spent in the present.  When I reflect on many that I encounter at the pool hall, they too live more in the present.  As for me, now I think I am spending too much time on the future, setting things out there and then waiting for the time to elapse, doing them but feeling a little disappointed because the event doesn’t always live up to the anticipation of it.

As I look ahead to those things for which I am waiting, I can list them: riding in the early afternoon, dinner out in the early evening, a play later in the same evening, plotting and scheming on Sunday, Rotary Club meeting on Tuesday, an outing with Carola on Thursday, an LTM in Lexington on Friday and repeat. 

Then further out there is the Rolex in April, a trip to Va Beach in May, the presentation of my award in June, a trip to San Francisco in later June, then sometime later, as yet undetermined but probably in the second half of September, a trip to New York and Connecticut to see historic homes and the David Letterman show.

The key to bringing spontaneity back into my life may be to make the date but then forget about it until it’s time to go.  Make notes on calendars and then get involved with it when the time is right.  Part of the problem is my penchant for planning; I get pleasure from planning things out as far as possible.

The disquiet comes from being focused on tomorrow, next week, next month, the rest of the year and not thinking about what to do right now. And yet it derived from being at a loss for s.t. to do in the past.  But now it has evolved down to “if it isn’t on the calendar, then there isn’t anything to do.”  This has to be replaced by “ok, there are things on the calendar but there’s time now to do s.t., what will that be?” Then when the choice is made don’t second guess it.  Do the chosen and stay in the moment when doing it.

Like now, we had a spontaneous day then had dinner.  There was a lull afterwards and instead of thinking about tomorrow or the future, I decided to write these thoughts about waiting.  Just to do s.t. instead of waiting and to write about what has been on my mind for some time now.

And yet because there was no Friday night activity planned, we wind up at home with some movies to watch and you know what, that’s not so bad.  But think about it, there are activities going on all around town that are much more exciting than sitting here at home watching a movie on the big screen TV. What for example?  Almost anything that puts one in the company of others.

Observing those who come and go through the pool hall, I see that often people come in but not to play pool.  They come in to be with others; people whom they know and feel comfortable, albeit casually, in a place with which they are familiar and in which they are recognized and accepted.

This same scenario is repeated over and over in bars, restaurants, theaters, arenas, and stadiums. People go ostensibly to have a drink or a meal, or see a spectacle but mainly and fundamentally they go to be in the company of others.  Not necessarily interacting with them but being there with them.  It satisfies the social aspect of our being.

When we are not in the company of others we feel somewhat isolated.  The workplace has been a source of satisfaction for social needs but now there is a tendency for it to be the “home office” using telecommunications and a PC.  The interaction via a screen has replaced the personal interaction of the workplace and it is not the same.

I’ve participated in customer service chat sessions in order to solve a problem with a piece of equipment.  While these are rather sterile, there is a certain human touch provided by the interaction via the screen and keyboard.

Same is true when I chatted on AOL; there is a feeling of camaraderie and it goes a long way towards satisfying that social need.  It has the advantage that one can drop it whenever it gets to be too much; like walking out of a bar when it gets rowdy.

What’s being lost is interpersonal, in-person, interaction.  And when I say lost I mean that I don’t know where to go to get it besides being part of a crowd at a game, or part of the audience at the theater, or a non-interactive patron at a restaurant or bar.

In order to become that interactive patron, one has to invest some time and take some initiative in the same location.  IOW patronize the place, get comfy there, and interact with others who are in the same boat.  This requires a commitment that I’m not sure I’m willing to make. 

But if I was, I would have to pick a place to frequent, and make the time to go there.  That would require exploratory forays to see/ find one that fit.  Since it wouldn’t be for any purpose other than social interaction, it would have to feel right.  A perceived problem is alcohol and my choice not to drink it.  This would almost immediately make me an oddball in any bar.  So I suppose it would have to be another venue but what would that be? That’s a stumper.

What started out to be a discussion of waiting, turned into a lament for spontaneity, which turned into a strategy for meeting a perceived social need but with only mixed results.  Much more has to be done on this.

Rehearsal

Sitting in the Thrust Theater at UofL,  in the last row of Section A, early for rehearsal and to pass the time now and in the long interim between appearances, I’ll write in this notebook.

The pen I am using is not very good for me.  It is a Uniball Vision—fine point that has to be pushed along the line instead of rolling.  I brought it to approximate a fountain pen and it does that fairly well.  So this is my handwriting with a fountain pen; not very nice.  I’m using a few different techniques in an effort to improve it; it’s not working very well.

We are in the second last rehearsal for Atomic Bombers; it is Monday and the play opens on Wednesday.  Our dress rehearsal yesterday went from 2:30 until 9 at night.  It was the crew’s first experience with it and our first dress rehearsal in costume.  There were missing props and much confusion surrounding light and sound cues but this is to be expected on a complicated show such as this and to some extent on any show.

I spent a quiet day at home, mostly with Carola; she went out a couple of times, once to the store and again to talk to neighboring ladies when she saw them outside enjoying the mild winter we are having.  These are good omens; she is more active and taking more initiative. 

As for me, I wiled away the day, baked a cake, made the icing, prepared the mailing of my latest book (I like the sound of that) to the kids, and I found a guy on Facebook in my search for Cousin Freddie.

 This guy’s name looked like a shortening of my mother’s family name, he lives in California, his pictures look a lot like Cousin Freddie, and his wife’s name is Linda.  It made me wonder if Cousin Freddie is in some sort of witness protection program.  Later I received his phone number from another cousin and he’s in Saint Louis, just like he would ordinarily be.

Others have come into the space so I’ll put this away for now.  A parting thought, there are many moods in evidence here tonight and most are good.

Now In costume and makeup and ahead of time again; so I’ll write some more. One of the cast is in the lavatory, throwing up; the rest of the cast is suiting up.  So now what to say?  I dunno, maybe later.

It is later, the pen has been replaced because it was just too difficult to use.  We are now in that part of the play that the action is carried by everyone else except Szilard and me.  So I have a lot of time until my next cue.

We are quickly evolving into a cast that will receive the play from the director on opening night.  This surprised me when I first encountered it about five years ago; the Director said goodbye to us on Tuesday and we opened Romeo and Juliet on Wednesday.  It has similarly happened in every production since, “Lequel j’ai vu.”

My French is still mushing along.  The experience of listening to two presentations in French Friday last made me aware of just how little I know/ understand.  This doesn’t daunt me, however, I do a little s.t. every day: the CDs, the News, the reader; and although I can’t quite hear it, beyond a few words that are familiar, I am beginning to “know it.” If the opportunity were to present itself to live there a few years, I would be a speaker, listener, reader, and writer of the language. 

Aside: I was pleased that The Artist, a French film, won best actor and best picture at the Academy Awards last night.  This film and The Pursuit of Happyness, also of a French director with Will Smith, show a certain sensitivity that American film directors don't seem to have.

I called our CPA and informed him that I was changing to a different firm to prepare our business and personal tax returns.  It was an important call for me to make since it required me to ”deliver the rose.”  I suppose I’ve become somewhat inured to this over the years but it is not s.t. I like to do.  I tend to put it off until it has to be done, and then do it.  I employ this strategy for many things; more than for which it is good sometimes.  I do my duty, however, when I must.

But there is one thing about which I’ve been procrastinating and that is placing the shoe collection boxes.  It requires me to ask for s.t. for which no recompense is made to the agreeable.  This is a real problem for me.  I don’t have the right frame of mind for it because I have one of the world’s hardest noses when people want from me but at the same time I/we are very generous.  We give freely when the opportunity presents itself but rarely when s.o comes right out and asks.  I suppose it is the reverse of the Golden Rule.

(We are now on page 64 of the script and my cue is page 75)

I am going to do the boxes.  I know that once I start and do one, others will quickly be placed.  I have already placed three but there is no pattern, or system to my effort.  I’ve been responsible for placing about ten.  There are so many great places in our service area where opportunities exist and I’ll do it.  

This would be a great opportunity to do s.t. spontaneous, or at least so for me.  I’d like to make it big enough to require some planning; that seems to heighten the anticipation. There is the Sorority Convention in the third week of  April and The Rolex in the last week, followed by our Derby Party on the first Saturday in May; so it may have to be later in May.

 I’m almost on, later.

Arrangements

Arrangement is a great word; seldom do we give it the significance it is due.  It can be used to connote anything from flowers in a vase to an understanding between two people with a lot of stops along the way.

I seldom thought about the word until just the other day when I felt affected by the place in which I was standing, the Palace Theater in Louisville Kentucky.  It came to me that the arrangement of the place was definitely making me think in various ways such as historically, artistically, and even spiritually.  Recalling other significant architectural arrangements such as standing inside the mountain chapel in Sedona Arizona or in the rotunda of the Kentucky State Capital, walking in downtown Houston among the buildings, driving towards downtown Houston on a clear night, walking in Yew Dell Gardens or Bernheim Forest it becomes obvious that we are affected by the way things are arranged; affected on a subliminal level.

We are also affected on a physical level.  Approach a house and there is an entrance, a front door that is usually more inviting than other entrances.  Some would walk towards an ornate front door and opt to find a side or rear entry that is less intimidating.  Walk into a room and the arrangement of the furniture is either inviting, repellant, or neither, sort of blah.  The way the building or even garden is arranged has a decided effect on how we interact with it.

It is a pseudo science, or perhaps an art, to make arrangements be they architectural, arboreal, floral, or even interpersonal.  We are almost always affected by them and we may not even realize it.  We are conditioned, and I use the word advisedly, from little on to pay attention to arrangements and are so adept at figuring them out that we don’t consciously do it.

If a feral animal comes into a human dwelling, pandemonium ensues.  The animal is in no way conditioned to abide by the arrangements that are extant.  A domestic animal who “lives” in the house will, on the other hand, move about without disturbing any of the arrangements.  I think it would be the same if a feral human, should such a being exist, came into a buffet dinner; the result would be comical if one wasn’t responsible for cleaning up the mess afterwards.

Houses, buildings and monuments are drawn, rendered, modeled, and subjected to painstaking examination of details.  One must reach a comfort level with the project before it commences.  Informed urban planners pass judgement on an addition to the skyline before it is built.  As an aside, a major project in Louisville almost went forward that would have completely destroyed the arrangement of the central business district.  Thankfully it was scrapped before ground was even broken for it.

Chairs, tables, desks, sofas, lamps, and all items that are used by people have to be designed according to rules that have become known collectively as ergonomics.  They all depend heavily on measurements of the human form and have allowed us to be comfortable with resulting furniture and fixtures.

Yet when we are dealing with flowers and trees we depend heavily on someone with a good reputation and track record.  We wouldn’t hire an arborist without a good one because we don’t have the luxury of doing the arboretum over and over until it suits us.  We want it to be done in excellent fashion the first time.  Flower arrangements are likewise artistic but are easier to accept, reject, redo than is an entire garden.

Each person makes his own arrangement of his personal space.  It could be a shopping cart for a homeless person, a cubicle for a corporate droid, an office for an executive, a home office, a shop, or even the cabin of a boat.  The basic outline is usually given but how the user decides to make it look is completely his own.  Another coming into it excuses it if it isn’t up to his/her taste but does get a flavor for the mentality of the occupant by observing his/her space.

Arrangements are never permanent.  The Acropolis in Greece, the Forum in Rome, the Sunday morning implosion are all evidence that they are not; as is divorce, bankruptcy, and death.  Arrangements have a life cycle that varies based on external factors.  People who have an arrangement/understanding can be persuaded to abandon it; houses that satisfied one generation may not the next; urban and even suburban areas that were useful in 1900’s may not be in the 2000’s.  There are those that would hold on to the past, this is fine until a sort of constipation sets in and the organism/society is hampered by too much being held and not cleaning itself out from time to time.  The test of utility is the market place and the museum.  If it won’t sell and if it isn’t attractive; it may be time to move on.

While arrangements are never permanent, the principles that apply to them seem to be.  The principles of design are immutable; the rules of interpersonal relationships are the same now as they have been forever, since before the ancient texts were written; that which was judged as artistic in ancient Egypt, roughly 5000 years ago, remains artistic today.  We use principles to design everything we have, both materially and interpersonally.

Those that study them, the architects, engineers, physicians, psychologists, attorneys, and a host of other disciplines, make new arrangements for the betterment of the human race and allow us to appreciate what has been arranged should we decide to dwell upon it.

If we were to walk into a completely uninhabited landscape, we would immediately begin to arrange it differently to suit our purpose.  In fact that is what we have been doing on the Earth as we have evolved and continue that evolution as beings with the brand of intelligence that we have.  We make new arrangements but the physical and psychic laws that govern them aren’t new.