Waiting

Here we are in the first week of March and there are things on the horizon that will take place later; I find myself in a waiting mode.  Then, as I ponder that, I find one spends a lot of his lifetime waiting. It is because I plot and scheme and come up with things to do… in the future.

In younger years it wasn’t like that because most of the time was spent in the present.  When I reflect on many that I encounter at the pool hall, they too live more in the present.  As for me, now I think I am spending too much time on the future, setting things out there and then waiting for the time to elapse, doing them but feeling a little disappointed because the event doesn’t always live up to the anticipation of it.

As I look ahead to those things for which I am waiting, I can list them: riding in the early afternoon, dinner out in the early evening, a play later in the same evening, plotting and scheming on Sunday, Rotary Club meeting on Tuesday, an outing with Carola on Thursday, an LTM in Lexington on Friday and repeat. 

Then further out there is the Rolex in April, a trip to Va Beach in May, the presentation of my award in June, a trip to San Francisco in later June, then sometime later, as yet undetermined but probably in the second half of September, a trip to New York and Connecticut to see historic homes and the David Letterman show.

The key to bringing spontaneity back into my life may be to make the date but then forget about it until it’s time to go.  Make notes on calendars and then get involved with it when the time is right.  Part of the problem is my penchant for planning; I get pleasure from planning things out as far as possible.

The disquiet comes from being focused on tomorrow, next week, next month, the rest of the year and not thinking about what to do right now. And yet it derived from being at a loss for s.t. to do in the past.  But now it has evolved down to “if it isn’t on the calendar, then there isn’t anything to do.”  This has to be replaced by “ok, there are things on the calendar but there’s time now to do s.t., what will that be?” Then when the choice is made don’t second guess it.  Do the chosen and stay in the moment when doing it.

Like now, we had a spontaneous day then had dinner.  There was a lull afterwards and instead of thinking about tomorrow or the future, I decided to write these thoughts about waiting.  Just to do s.t. instead of waiting and to write about what has been on my mind for some time now.

And yet because there was no Friday night activity planned, we wind up at home with some movies to watch and you know what, that’s not so bad.  But think about it, there are activities going on all around town that are much more exciting than sitting here at home watching a movie on the big screen TV. What for example?  Almost anything that puts one in the company of others.

Observing those who come and go through the pool hall, I see that often people come in but not to play pool.  They come in to be with others; people whom they know and feel comfortable, albeit casually, in a place with which they are familiar and in which they are recognized and accepted.

This same scenario is repeated over and over in bars, restaurants, theaters, arenas, and stadiums. People go ostensibly to have a drink or a meal, or see a spectacle but mainly and fundamentally they go to be in the company of others.  Not necessarily interacting with them but being there with them.  It satisfies the social aspect of our being.

When we are not in the company of others we feel somewhat isolated.  The workplace has been a source of satisfaction for social needs but now there is a tendency for it to be the “home office” using telecommunications and a PC.  The interaction via a screen has replaced the personal interaction of the workplace and it is not the same.

I’ve participated in customer service chat sessions in order to solve a problem with a piece of equipment.  While these are rather sterile, there is a certain human touch provided by the interaction via the screen and keyboard.

Same is true when I chatted on AOL; there is a feeling of camaraderie and it goes a long way towards satisfying that social need.  It has the advantage that one can drop it whenever it gets to be too much; like walking out of a bar when it gets rowdy.

What’s being lost is interpersonal, in-person, interaction.  And when I say lost I mean that I don’t know where to go to get it besides being part of a crowd at a game, or part of the audience at the theater, or a non-interactive patron at a restaurant or bar.

In order to become that interactive patron, one has to invest some time and take some initiative in the same location.  IOW patronize the place, get comfy there, and interact with others who are in the same boat.  This requires a commitment that I’m not sure I’m willing to make. 

But if I was, I would have to pick a place to frequent, and make the time to go there.  That would require exploratory forays to see/ find one that fit.  Since it wouldn’t be for any purpose other than social interaction, it would have to feel right.  A perceived problem is alcohol and my choice not to drink it.  This would almost immediately make me an oddball in any bar.  So I suppose it would have to be another venue but what would that be? That’s a stumper.

What started out to be a discussion of waiting, turned into a lament for spontaneity, which turned into a strategy for meeting a perceived social need but with only mixed results.  Much more has to be done on this.