On Pride and Vanity

Among the several, there are two distractions in particular that plague us, Pride and Vanity. Pride is the way we want to think we are; Vanity is the way we want others to think we are. There are so many manifestations of these two green giants that we are often not even aware of them. And that is the problem, we are not aware.

Maurice Nichol wrote five volumes of observations about the Work and I read them all. There was one recurring theme throughout the writings, which were much like this blog a series of recorded thoughts and observations over a long period of time, and that recurring theme is “remember yourself” or don’t become distracted. Before we can talk about distraction, we have to determine from what it is that we are attempting not to be distracted.

Very simply put, it is working on aim. Not something spelled out in many, if any, of the writings about The Fourth Way (TFW) and Gurdjieff. It is there but inferred and not specifically articulated because it is not just one thing, unless you accept that “working on aim” is one thing, and it is if you consider that we could be working on more than one aim in a lifetime and that all of our aims converge on one single overriding aim. An aim can be defined as the desired outcome of a present situation and there are many overlapping presents in which we are involved. Selecting one for the moment, working on it and being aware of doing so, is not being distracted.

Before I write another word I am not preaching TFW, I am not qualified to do so. I am simply relating my own findings from taking G’s advice and not accepting anything told to me, read by me, shown to me by others but rather spending the necessary time and psychic energy to find out for myself what is reasonable and what works; not accepting anything even the conclusions to which I come through my thought processes because, much like the physics of material behavior from the particle to the universe, there are always new and wonderful things discovered that change our understanding. What is true, i.e. reasonable and believable today may well turn out to be ridiculous and improbable in light of later, better information. If more people recognized this possibility the world would be a better place.

The difficulty of remembering oneself or staying aware is not as simple as one might think. One may presume that he knows what’s going on in and around him but you don’t, guaranteed. The difficulty is there is so much going on in our mind and brain-body at any given instant in time that it is almost impossible to keep up with it. It is like being at a national political convention, where the whole thing is contained inside of you, there are so many things going on that in order to accomplish anything, one must be able to separate and focus on one course of action without being sidetracked, distracted, by everything else that is going on and this is no small task. And there is an overriding aim at such a convention, selecting a candidate who can win the election but it can only be achieved by the accomplishment of a multitude of other, supporting aims.

It often seems easier, more pleasurable, more satisfying to fall into distraction than to apply one’s efforts to accomplishing aim. Only when it is over, time has elapsed, and one reflects on what it was he could have been doing instead of being distracted, does one realize he was distracted. The goal is to bring this awareness into focus during the distraction and dispel it before it uses up the time and psychic energy that could have been used to work on aim.

Pride and Vanity are particularly hard to recognize because they are near to the surface of our awareness. We are social beings and our reactions to others are always close to the surface, therefore when we sense that another is not reacting to us as we would like, we focus on that and try to bring about at desired reaction but while doing this we get distracted from whatever it was we aimed to do.

A classic example of this was the phone call I made last year when my aim was to confront someone about their unacceptable behavior. I reacted to his responses rather than keeping my presence of mind. The message got across but in an entirely different manner than I would have preferred. For a long time afterwards I felt good about the confrontation, it seemed to have accomplished what I wanted and I didn’t take any crap.

Then we were to create a monolog for acting class and I selected that phone call, mainly because I felt that I had acquitted myself completely. As I worked on the monolog and presented it to the class several times, it became more and more clear to me that this had not worked out as well as I thought. I made some significant changes in the manner of my response and my final presentation of the monolog was as I would have wanted the conversation to have taken place. I remained in the moment, unaffected by the tone of his responses and successfully achieved my aim in a friendly manner without hostility and anger.

This example is excellent in that Pride in my first performance blinded the truth; Vanity caused me to want to display the bravado of that first performance to the class. It was a slow process but self observation brought about by the repeated performance of that conversation and the reaction of my classmates and the professor caused me to realize that I was in Pride then Vanity and to go back to the basic script and start all over again with a more objective approach.

The lesson I learned was significant and relates to any and all conversations I have and will have. Don’t get sucked into an emotional response to the other(s) in the conversation unless there is an objective reason to do so, keep your mind on your objective and stay aware of what’s being said and going on around you. Recognition of Pride and Vanity in this instance has made a big difference in my behavior.