My sensitivity reared its ugly head yesterday when Jim Schorche questioned me on the term Napoleonic complex. He said it referred to a type of narcissism where the person seeks to be the center of attention even if it is a harmful bit of attention that he gets. My sensitivity was piqued by the question because it related to the contents of my play and his assertion that the play may have been biographical.
Admitted, it is based on characters and happenings of my time at NNI but not so in detail, IOW the events didn’t happen the way they’re written. The reference to Napoleonic complex was to a short man, i.e. Earl, who has a need to make his presence felt to combat physical inferiority; not narcissism. So that leaves his reference to same to be an oblique reference to s.t. that I either have or am experiencing.
Then I am further offended because I can readily see that what he described was the malady from which my father suffered. He would endure the most offensive personal attacks and say the most outrageous things just to get the spotlight put on him. This behavior put him in a bad light but he didn’t mind as long as he was the center of attention. He would make up unverifiable facts and interpret historical events to suit his purposes and because of his senior stature would not hear of contradiction. He did the same with philosophical arguments; all to keep the spotlight on him.
Now Jim couldn’t know about pop, nor could he know Earl’s actual behavior but he made a sideways reference about narcissism. One has to ask; does it ring alarm because it is true somehow? Well, yes I do seek the spotlight; it makes me feel important, appreciated, and approved. Sometimes I get it because I’m there, my presence, my way of looking at people; sometimes I get it because of a well timed remark conveying a fact overlooked by others, sometimes I even resort to my father’s tactics but then retreat as soon as I become aware of what I’m doing. Even my going to see Jim Schorche weekly can be interpreted as narcissistic because, objectively, I don’t have a problem except that like Montaigne, I may be a bit bored.
There is a “Catch 22” here. In order to do the work, i.e. develop the being, it would seem that one has to engage in a good bit of self-analysis, which by definition is inner-considering and imagination. Yet it seems impossible to take a look at me without doing some of this. Imagination is a tool of the brain; left unattended, uncontrolled, to its own devices, it is a distraction but directed along the lines of analyzing what is going on it is a prelude to reasoning which is a prelude to decision making.
Inner-considering is likewise a distraction if it is not used constructively. One can get so engrossed in his treatment by others and taking offense or sustenance from it that he loses his attention to what is going on around him an thus is in distraction. But when looking at himself as objectively as possible, it becomes a tool that can be used for advancing the development of the being.
If I’ve succumbed to narcissism by trying to develop with the help of an objective third party, then I’m wasting my time. I don’t think I have, I don’t know if Jim is hinting at it or not so I’ll ask him next time round.
My whole purpose in going to him is to have some objective third party input on what to do next and how to achieve that without wasting a lot of time. His techniques so far have been to visualize, in a pseudo self-hypnotic state, and to imagine myself as already having the necessary critical resource(s) for achieving what I want.
The hypnosis is fine; it seems to produce results when I use it to visualize my desired state as described by the thirty-three dailies. I’ve used it daily since and have “input” the first eight. I may now pick and chose from the rest to get the more important “input” sooner than later.
I can use the second technique, to which I will refer as resource-imagination, to similarly recognize that I have the necessary attributes, skills, and contacts to get what I want. These two techniques will give me the right mental framework for achievement but I recognize now that it is likewise important to be able to play a good game, not just be able to talk a good game. Furthermore, it takes hard work, dedication, and perseverance to have the ability to perform and this takes time. Exposure and training in these and other techniques may shorten the process as did/does the Dale Carnegie Course.
If it is going to be acting, then act, take classes, and perform whenever the opportunity presents itself. Aha! This may be the source of the suspected narcissism. My own statement that I need an audience to hear me, see me, and read me would say that I am simply seeking the limelight. That isn’t really the case. “Oscar” could be narcissistic but there are so many others of me in here that he gets out only when it is proper that he do so. Oscar is the one who likes to perform, he is the narcissistic one but he’s held in check by many others who are more reasonable and eschew possible embarrassment; and it is precisely this reasonableness that holds back the actor; it is also a product of inner-considering of the distractive kind.
So, to where do I go with all of this? One thing for sure, I/we must give Oscar more free rein, i.e. say yes to opportunities; another is to approach the acting as I have billiards and golf where one must study, practice, play, and compete. Acting is likewise an acquired skill; in a systemic analysis it is: (1) find, (2) audition, (3) learn lines, (4) rehearse, and (5) perform.
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