So, You Want to be a Star

 

I

Accomplishment has at least six distinct levels of achievement: Skill, Job, Riches, Awards, Medals, and Stardom.

Skill relates to the assimilation of knowledge and enough formative practice that one can perform the endeavor with confidence when performing alone or in a controlled environment, such as a lab or class.  The activities at this level lead to assimilation of the knowledge and techniques necessary to perform the endeavor satisfactorily.

Job is an acid test of the endeavor.  It relates to the willingness and continuing interest to pursue it, rain or sunshine, good times and bad, in times of growth and sideways plodding, and commitment to it for the fulfillment of obligations either to others or to self.

Riches relates to being able to perform the endeavor at a level of proficiency that produces profit.  This refers to being well paid for performance in the marketplace.  Activities at this level relate to the practical application of the skill in a journeyman-like manner that results in utility for which others are willing to pay.

          Awards is where the performer demonstrates his skill to objective others who are superior and knowledgeable in what the endeavor entails and can pass judgment on the performance.  The activities at this level result in achieving a level of performance that is recognized as superior when judged against the accepted standards and norms for the endeavor.

          Medals is the level where the performer is better when compared to others in competition.  The immediate example is sports but it also relates to being successful in auditions, publishing, negotiating, anywhere that the performer rises above other practitioners of the same skill.  The activities at this level relate to building the confidence necessary to compete against other performers who are likewise seeking superiority.

          Stardom is when a wider audience who appreciates his achievement acclaims the performer; an audience who understands what top performance is and acclaims it when they see it.  Activities at this level relate to earning the adulation of people who vicariously participate in the performer’s success.

 

 

II

The relationship of effort (x axis) to accomplishment (y axis) within each level can be plotted as a curve that is asymptotic to a line representing perfection for each level.  Progress through each of these levels is an end in itself.  Since the amount of effort required to reach perfection is infinite, there is a point/ region/ place/ time/ level of achievement where the increase in level is so slight compared to effort that further pursuit of perfection in the endeavor becomes futile. 

Being aware of approaching a level of futility is critical; it requires decision.  One can continue to (a) accomplish with incrementally more effort, (b) abandon the endeavor, or (c) decide to move to the next level.  For example, as the performer approaches futility at the Skill level, he can choose to continue for the fun of it, as a hobby, or go on to the Job level.  If he should choose to go on there is a step function change in the pursuit of the endeavor where he is no longer working to hone his skill but now to earn and make a profit from the application of it.  This has a totally different complexion than the Skill level. 

 This same step function change occurs at each level of futility.  Each new level is built on the previous and some effort has to be spent revisiting those levels to assure that the basic skills haven’t been lost unless they have become obsolete and no longer required. 

One may find he is going in completely different directions from one level to another.  I am reminded of the comic actor who realized a degree of stardom as such, yet his skill was playing the marimba.  In the beginning there was the marimba and in the end there was this clown.  The endeavor turned out to be Performing. A marimba player became a clown because being a clown allowed him to reach stardom in his endeavor, to perform.

III

The movement from one level of accomplishment to another is a process and not a single event.  Innovation is utilized repeatedly to envision desired results and how to accomplish them until the details are sufficiently described to be realized.  A clear and vivid vision of what that is, and what it entails, is fundamental so all of the required personal resources can be focused on the effort.  The vision will never be perfect; it must be made and refined. One can continually refine the vision as he becomes more aware of what it takes to reach this, or the next, level of the endeavor

This vision, no matter how incomplete and unrealistic, is the starting point and it needs to be written because writing requires and records thought processes and allows review and revision.  Then it can be formulated into terse statements that allow one to be quickly reminded of what he is trying to accomplish.

IV

There are different strategies employed as one makes progress through the various levels.  Three that seem obvious are the puzzle, which relates to the rules and framework of an endeavor; the game, achieving successful results within those rules and framework; and the dance, moving in prescribed motions to produce desired results.

 

V

Underlying all of this theory is the discipline required to DO IT, and if failing to succeed, regroup and DO IT again, this time more effectively.   Directed activity is the force of accomplishment.  The best laid plans are for naught unless followed by action.

 

Sans Doute

 The challenge is to have certainty replace doubt and do it earlier in the process in order to avoid the angst that occurs during practice and rehearsal sessions.  I perform well after practice, hard work, and rehearsal. 

Certainty stems from confidence which can be gained through practicing skills and recalling good performances.  Skills can be identified, analyzed, and developed systematically.  Then with the confidence of being able to consistently “make the shot,” one can be certain of his ability at all times, sans doute.

I have written so many words about so many topics and wonder what a 3^rd party objective observer would conclude about them.  I am not even going to take a stab at it.  There are, however, recurring themes, one of which is an engrained sense of doubt which results in fear of not performing to the standards of the other(s).  It is irrational but there just the same.

And here I am 82 going on 83, and even after having realized this for many years, this is one I haven’t been able to slough off or change, until now perhaps.  I masquerade it; often by being in disparate groups of people and exhibit behavior that promotes the reputation of being a proven player in another group.

The sad part of it is that everyone else perceives a person as he feels about himself.  They pick up on these subtleties and, without expressing anything, react to him in accord with those feelings.  If others see one as doubting his ability, they may also.

Doubt occurs during the preparation phase, the skill practice, which often underlines the need for the practice, and rehearsals prior to performance. All of my doubt disappears when I take the stage.  And I use "take the stage" euphemistically for any time I am expected to take the fore.

From where then does this feeling of doubt originate?  It could come from growing up where and when I did; the influence of mother, father, and to some extent my sister; the influence of authority figures at school and church, and other places; the influence of friends and peers; experiences of failures in life.  And there may be many other sources.

Now I am beginning to see something!  All the while I have it in mind to do “it,” whatever “it” is, I doubt that I’ll be able to do it.  I feel awkward, clumsy, incoherent, a complete ass.  And when it is over, I see that it was the opposite, an accomplishment of which to be proud.  All the while I am practicing or rehearsing, and even sometimes while playing, I’m doubting my ability, it is as if I’m losing but then I win.

Another aspect of this doubt is the distractions into which I dissolve.  They include TV, games, surfing, spectating, driving around aimlessly, for a few of the major distractions.  These are ways of mentally escaping a life situation at hand but often they are to allay figuring out what to do to improve the performance. If my attention is on one of them, I am not doubting me and I am avoiding performance.

So, we have two main manifestations of doubt: preparation and distraction.  The former is a trip into the mire, the latter is avoiding it.

I am now in the position of “Physician, heal thyself.”  While I can see that I can deal with the distractions by recognizing them for what they are and diverting my actions towards progress towards a goal.  Doubt, however, is like the tide.  Should I attempt finding the source of it? Or should I accept it as a permanent circumstance, much like the tide.

Using this tidal analogy, one could build emotional dikes and levees in an attempt to contain the flood but these would require construction, maintenance and repair with the ever-present possibility of a breach.  A breach which in all probability would occur at the most inopportune time, a time where the emotional price is high.  It would seem if I could disarm the reaction somehow that it would be resolved permanently.  I may have to reach out to someone for help here; I wonder if my counselor is still out there?

What is the genesis of the feelings of doubt?

The pastor was surreptitiously holding tryouts for the choir; we were in 1^st or 2^nd grade.  It came my turn.  I croaked out a sound that even surprised me as to how bad it was.  Meanwhile, I’d been in the front pews of the church, closest to the choir, and imagined that at least one of the fine voices that I was hearing was mine.  My surprise and disappointment were profound.

Then there are the photos of me as I was growing into adulthood.  My image of me was completely different from the photographic evidence, devastating.

 I have had my share of erroneous self-images.  And I think this doubt may be a leftover set of emotional responses to any portending trip into the spotlight.  There is an unresolved doubt about me and my capabilities in spite of all the evidence to the contrary.  It is like the guy who got hit by a pitch and now has to fight flinching when he is at bat.

Can my older psyche be convinced that I am past all of that?  That I have more than made up for my previous gaffs?  I know intellectually that I am not Mr. Natural, or Wonderful; that I need to work hard to practice and rehearse skills that don’t come to me naturally.  And I must add, there are scant few that do.  I know that when I apply myself to the situation at hand, planning the project, solving the problem, the issue, that I am successful nearly 100% of the time.

Then there are the failures.  Each ended and were painful to endure as they were unfolding.  These were more than mistakes, with which one can deal as it occurs.  The failures occurred when I missed the point entirely and suffered the consequences for it: There were three failures in my professional career.

All of them were hard on me emotionally and there was a common thread that ran through all of them: not seeing the forest for the trees.  Focusing on the minutiae of the situation and not having a guiding dream or aim for it.  Perhaps because I doubted my chance of success.

The missing ingredient in all of my failures was not understanding what the possibilities were for the situation and not getting guidance and perspective from others.  My sensitivity to being seen as not knowing, or not being clever and smart enough to figure it out, was too great for me to overcome so I tended to figure it out for myself; not always successfully.

At Newport News Shipbuilding and my twenty-two years of successful performance there, I was proactive and even, at times, groomed for jobs.  Yet, I didn’t go to anyone for help in figuring out what to do and when.  Often a boss would give me a terse commandment, such as "Don't ever reverse a profit" and I lived by them.  In retrospect this was a good thing for me at the time.  I relied on independently thinking through situations because I didn’t want to be perceived as not smart enough to figure it out for myself.  The success of independently thinking contributed to my later failures when I needed a better understanding of the big picture and I wouldn't ask for it.

Now, it is the audition, the rehearsal, the dialogue, the direction, the perceived opinion others in the cast and the director that lead to a gnawing doubt of my ability to perform.  Strangely, this same gnawing doubt disappears when I perform.  All of the doubt and imagined perceptions of others finally resolve in performance.  It’s just the way it is.  Before I have to perform, the doubt that I have of my ability is emotionally debilitating.  Perhaps now that I understand it better, I can deal with it more rationally; I think so.

 

 

Serendipity

 There are so many instances where it turns out for the good.  More than can be given over to chance.  It caused me to wonder, is there manipulation of whatever: traffic, weather, horse races, gaming tables, my location vis a vis the bullet, the car, the falling object, going on with me receiving the benefit?  Then I realized that it wasn't the whatever being manipulated but it was I.  Guided by something unseen to be there and then, to make this choice, to do whatever leading up to then.

What is this unseen something? It could be a faculty, of which we are not aware, that guides us to that end.  It may be some connection we have to the universe.  It may be those who have gone before us into the spiritual realm, those we befriended or helped in some way; could even be family that have gone before us.

The source of this "serendipity" is not known.  It happens with such frequency that I don't put if off to chance.  Yet it is not something upon which to rely; making a conscious decision to do something, thinking that serendipity will happen for us, would be a big mistake.  That is the time when it wouldn't.

Meanwhile, sit back, relax, and enjoy it when it does happen and say a silent "thank you."

Ideals

 

We seem to have instilled in us, or perhaps it is innate, a desire to perceive that we have lived up to an ideal.  These ideals pertain to what we do, not necessarily what we don't.

Ideals are shaped in our mind from infancy.  They may start as an infant's ploy for favorable attention from parents and then, later, from others in positions of influence.  These ideals shape our performance of any and all actions.

Ideals are subject to change but the underlying incentive is a favorable reaction from an audience; be it of one person or a theater full of people.  Everything we say and do in the presence of others is shaped by these ideals.

The downside is not living up to an ideal.  Omissions and errors, when we realize we've experienced  them, cause emotional pain.  This pain is on a continuum from "so what" to OMG, I have really messed up!  

During and immediately following a performance, the realization that it didn't measure up to the ideal causes discouragement.  Self-talk on these occasions can be, "Why do I even bother to try this?"  "I'm not going to play this game anymore."  "What a silly ass am I, performing this badly."  

A good performance, or at least a passable one, may lead to self-congratulatory expressions and a desire to play again.  It is truly a see-saw of emotions.  One moment in the pits; then looking at it more objectively, back on top again.  

The importance of games is to learn to win and lose with equanimity.  A loss such as forgetting a line or missing a shot can bring with it self-flagellation.  The true performer/competitor can take it in stride, which is what friendly competition allows one to develop.

Turning professional doesn't change anything.  It only means that your successes lead to more work and your failures, if significant enough, lead to no work.  

The game of baseball is a wonderful analogy for/of life.   The levels of players range from sandlot to professional.  A player, competing against others of similar capabilities, is successful if his numbers are comparably better than theirs.  An ERA of zero, a batting average of 1000 are unrealistic standards; it is the comparison of your numbers to those of the others.  It is true for all levels; and it is the same in life.

When we set unrealistic ideals, we are setting ourselves up for emotional problems.  If our ideals are too high, we cannot achieve them without the sacrifice of all other activities.  If our ideals are too low, we live with an unrealistic perception of perfection.

The personal ideals we set can best be accommodated by continuously and objectively evaluating their efficacy and adjusting them to realistically represent that of which we are capable.  When approaching an ideal, one can enjoy the accomplishment and then adjust it up a notch.

Awareness

 

A recent realization, Awareness, is the "sujet du jour."  It is as vital as any of the other five senses and works in conjunction with them.

It is manifested in many ways.  One is seeing someone and simply knowing that something is wrong; it is unintentionally going to the place where a lost item is to be found; it is reaching for something in the dark or without looking and finding it; it is turning this way or that and finding it to be right; it is often a major factor in finding pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.  It is being "aware" without even consciously thinking about it

You know about it, maybe you haven't thought about it but it's there.

It's Not Fair!

 

Under the guise of being "the disadvantaged," various segments of the population strive for equality.  That is disingenuous because as soon as equality is legislated they begin to go for superiority and replace whatever cultural norms may be in place with what they feel is "better." So what we are seeing is a power struggle, a sort of "King of the Hill" situation where the extant are under siege by those not.

Cases in point:

A reader of Marilyn Savant's column takes issue with the designation Male/Female for electrical (and plumbing) plugs.

A particularly vocal woman decries moustaches as being unsavory when in fact the only reason she dislikes them is she can't grow one.

A young man shrugs off the advice of an older, more knowledgeable, pool player until the older tells him he didn't make this stuff up, it was told to him by more experienced players.

Dr. Seuss books are banned.

The black/white issue will not even be addressed here but the implications are the same.

There is a structure in place, not necessarily legal, moral, or ethical, that is seen as unfair by some and they make every attempt to dismantle it and replace it with something they feel is more fair.  The fact is that life is not fair and to seek fairness is like jousting with windmills.  Those who ascribe to the existing structure are vilified and shamed into compliance with the "new" ideas simply because they don't agree.

Legislation cannot change attitudes; we think it can but only the personal choice of the holder of that attitude will change it.  Time will pass, attitudes will change under the influence of law but constantly haranguing for them will not.  Any more than body shaming will change the eating habits of an obese person.       

Are You There?

 The following is an exercise used successfully to imagine contacting entities in the spiritual realm.  Is it memory or reminder?  I don't know but it works.

The curtain closes; (sitting comfortably in a chair in a darkened room) the audience is leaving the theater.  Each one talking with another, some happy, some not, all with emotional and physical reactions. (Relaxing, as all the tension and anxiety are assigned to the departing audience)   

When the theater is empty, all of the emotional and physical reactions to the production and to life in general  likewise depart.  And each one, as they leave, takes with them the anxiety and tension, it is gone.  The theater is silent and empty. (The body is fully relaxed; arms, legs, neck, shoulders, back, face, jaw, mouth agape.)

Then the director appears, descends a  staircase, counting down the twelve steps into the dimly lit storage area where the props, costumes, and sets from previous performers are kept.  He opens the door and enters the room, the remnants of those who filled these roles and costumes, who used these props and sets, are evident to him.  He places a chair and closes the door, he sits in the darkness of the room (doing so); no sound, no light, nothing stirring.

He whispers a name.  Lights a candle (Doing so.) Stares into the flame.  With the name in mind, he recalls occasions when he was with this person, what the person was doing.

He is receptive to anything this person may want to pass along to him.  He sits and stares into the flame, the quiet all around, the presence felt, the words, feelings, influences, memories, all seeping into his mind.  

A trickle at first, then more clearly; is there a message to be heard, felt, or perceived?  What would you tell me?  Are there things I should know, should do, of which I should be aware?  Are there ideas that can be shared, passed along, developed into action? How can the person be of assistance to him now?  Would that assistance be given?  Are there others to join us, who, why?

We sit together, enjoying the company, each of the other until the other gets up and turns to go, walks away, fades into the darkness.

Slowly the director gets up from the chair, sees the candle light and extinguishes it, opens the door, .  He goes up the stairs, counting each as he ascends.  One-two-three-four; up to five, six, seven, eight, (opening the eyes) to see the stage surrounding him, (the room) set as it is for the performance coming soon (the next).