Exposed, without Electronics

A boss once told me to put the last paragraph first and that would make it better, so here it is. The conclusion I seem to have reached is that I retreat to the screen for activities that can fill my day and give me some semblance of achievement without taking any personal risk.  There, I think that sums it up very well.

Probably a short piece, I don't know now just how many words this thought will take. I'm thinking about a day without electronics, i.e. no PC, no phone, no TV, no Radio.  Now that would be a challenging day.  I'm imagining now how that would be.

Up in the morning, without the aid of an alarm clock but then that's how it is now.  Then going through the morning ritual of making coffee and toilette.  An electric shaver is OK because it is basically an electric motor and not electronic.  Then dressing and going out to get the paper.  After a short interval of writing my log for activities of yesterday, reading the current acting book, and doing my chiropractic stretches,  I would then make breakfast and read the newspaper while we eat.

There are no electronics involved in any of this, at least if I don't succumb to Facebook, Email, and Suduko puzzles on my tablet.  Not doing these will be a challenge because it is my normal routine. The newspaper is such an abbreviated version of the news and lacks anything that happened after about 10 PM but I suppose I can do without the tablet news if this is what I want.

Then it's off to do the day.  The first challenge will be to remember what it was I wanted to accomplish since I won't access my digital assistant to remind me of tasks and appointments.  This shouldn't be much of a problem since I keep a good list in my head of what I want to do and where I have to be.

The next challenge will be to work "on paper" instead of doing things on my PC.  I spend an inordinate amount of time in front of the screen; Facebook, Email, Blogger Dashboard, and then writing or doing Voice auditions.

These last two may get some dispensation from the ban because they are productive, and I mean in the sense of possibly making money from doing them.  The real challenge will be to limit the usage to just that which is required to achieve the objective of finishing auditions or blog post.  Then there's the Voice work and script learning, also enhanced by using recorded exercises.  These too would be exempt from the ban.  So, the ban is lifted for productive activities only.  Now that I've introduced an exeption, or four, the real test is going to be to limit the screen time to just those.

Now for the real challenge of the day, Television.  It will be extremely difficult for me to remain constructively active for all the time that is available off-screen.   For the occasional day, like this one would be, I can involve me in maintenance activities such as cleaning out files, discarding stuff I no longer need or want, and doing chores around the place.  I can also do exercise, which I normally do anyway, and involve myself in activities supportning other Endeavors such as practicing pool, reciting verses and lines, reading more of the acting books, reviewing information already gleaned from books and put in notebooks.

For a longer abstinence, more imagination would be required.  After the chores are done, the books read and reviewed,  the verses recited, the pool game practiced to the point of diminishing returns; it may be necessary to get involved with other beings, human or other.  And this, my friend, would be where the challenge would be the greatest.

I've already alluded to, admitted to, confessed to, said that making contact, for other than a response to another, is difficult for me to do.  Yet rationally I know that I am not a pariah, that others don't roll their eyes when I call, don't evade my contact but rather enjoy hearing from me.  Yet there is this gnawing persona in me who thinks they do and, therefore, does whatever he can to avoid doing it.

This aversion goes beyond the casual contact with others and raises its head even higher in the gender arena.  I have a difficult enough time contacting another man without a strong purpose; contacting a woman is out of the question and I mean seriously so.  I even have an aversion to talking to my own daughters for fear that I will somehow offend them; and they seem to be offended easily.  So, I don't call women without a good reason to do so.

This is all rather sad.  There are so many fun things that one can do with others, men and women, that are spontaneous.  It isn't like I'd be asking for money or commitments of any kind.  Although even these shouldn't get in the way but they do.

Then the seeming approach-ability of the other gets in the way as well.  This brings up a whole new tray of obstacles to action.  I don't even want to get into this area of superior/inferior feelings; it's better left for a discussion with a competent adviser or counselor.

Life and Living, The Horse-drawn Carriage

There is an analogy in Gurdjieff's writings that describes a horse-drawn carriage with a passenger inside.  The analogy works!  Here are some of my observations vis-a-vis the Driver, Carriage, Horse, Passenger analogy:

1) Only the passenger (Master) knows the destination (aim).

2) Faith is required for the Driver to be able to move towards aim because there is no definitive way, at least that can be seen at the moment, for him to know it.

3) Positive is akin to progress towards that destination and Negative is distraction away from it.

4) Unless and until the driver deals costructively with distractions, little progress will be made in achieving aim.

The driver in this analogy is that central persona who directs (and I have referred to him as the director in other writing) which of the others is in the game at the moment. Depending on the circumstances in which the being finds himself, any one of a multitude of personae is put into action to cope with the situation at hand. The carriage is the body. The horse is the emotional motive force that precipitates action. The passenger is Master. I've previously described him; he is mute and influences the being passively to achieve aim.

There is no direct communication between Master and the being. From my personal experience it seems that as long as the being is acting in accord with the aim of Master, all is well but when he is not, bad things happen. They get worse as the degree of separation between the aim of Master and the activities of the being increases. If corrections aren't made, Master may depart prematurely for a different opportunity and leave behind a dead body.

The Millennials

So here's the deal.  You grow up in a house that has more bedrooms than people, fully equipped with furniture, appliances, and electronics, fully connected to the internet and TV, at least two cars kept fueled by some other, clothes, linen, and maid service provided by some other, plenty of food and snacks provided by some other, a cell phone with internet connection, provided by some other, sporting equipment, provided by others; and with no concept of how it got to be this way.

Then, when faced with the prospect of leaving this arrangement and going it alone, terror sets in and guess to where the "little" one flees.  Why directly back to home, where the obliging parents let them back in because they feel guilty somehow that their kids can't do it on their own.

Hey! I think I just described many of the millennials.

The Big Step(s).

The continuum of realizing a dream continues so long as the dream remains in place.  All the while I make/take little steps towards my aims, I feel that I don't recognize the major steps that could be taken to get there and, therefore in retrospect, a lot of time is lost in the process.  I am walking along instead of running.  Yet until I recognize them, until they slap me on the back of my head, I will continue to apply efforts, however inconsequential, to be ready to go when the time comes.

Wobbling, unsteady
Taking little baby steps
Walking then running

As a full adult
Taking little baby steps
Will never reach Aim

But even these steps
In the proper direction
Will allow progress

Take the baby steps
With an eye on the big prize
Ready for running

Sooner or later
One must be in the running
Or never get there

Personal assets
Physical and financial
Adding connections

Only if you know
Deep inside your heart of hearts
What you want to have

This we call the dream
Always there, in the background
Guiding every step

"Such Stuff As Dreams Are Made On"

This is one of those occasions when I am going to sit here and key the words that come out of my mind.  I feel that I am at a juncture of life at this very moment so I am going to let it stream out onto this screen and then read the results and try to make some sense out of it.

Nothing seems important to me now.  I look objectively on my acting and wonder what/how/why I have been able to take the roles I've had and do anything of entertainment value with them.  I do the same with each of my endeavors and come to the same conclusion.

Not much of what I've done is of a professional quality.  And by professional I mean resulting from reaching the unconscious-competent level of performance.  It's been fun, interesting, entertaining for me, and in some cases I've come through in the clutch to save the day but am I in charge?  No, it doesn't seem that I am.  Yet  there it is, finished, won, overcome, the audience loved it.  Aha!  by definition this is the unconscious-competent level of performance.

This is one of the anomalies of my life as I continue to observe it.  I get myself into situations and then get out of them, usually successfully.  I walked into a reception and wound up talking to the president of the company and did not even know it was he to whom I was speaking.  This sort of thing happens a lot.  It's as if the observing me is only a spectator at the event, some other driver is putting this brain-body in prominent places.

Even when I think I am in charge, I'm not.  This begs the question, who is this I who wants to think he's in charge?  Whoever that I is, he sits here now thinking that he's never in charge.  Yet he wants to be, wants to accomplish s.t. that he can feel he has initiated and seen to fruition.

There have been some things that have been accomplished by his choice/s.  But more interesting things have happened around him or even in spite of him.  He seems to want to think he has put the strategy and tactics in place to fulfill a dream or two but, in fact, the dreams are usually achieved as a result of other inhabitants in this mind.

The I speaking now likes to take on puzzles but the majority of the more complicated puzzles are solved while he is in a torpor, snoozing between entries, or has left the unfinished puzzle and came back to it later only to put down the solution without the application of any thought or analysis of his. Others, herein, work out the details and produce the solutions.

To this end I have written out my wildest dreams for each of the planning categories and read them while attempting to engage the heart as well as the mind.  The real objective is to involve all three, the mind, the heart, and the body in the desire to achieve these goals.

I read the dreams and see some dissonance, some pictures and situations that I have difficulty imagining.  These will have to be reconciled somehow and accepted or the dream can't be realized.  If I don't believe with my whole heart, mind, and body that this is what I truly desire, then it won't be.

So, whatever is discordant has to be tuned, i.e., stated in an acceptable way for the three to ascribe to the successful achievement of the dream.

During the development of my role(s) in plays, I have to go through the tunnel of inner-considering as I attempt to learn the lines and blocking.  Being personally critical of my performance, disappointed with my speed of acquiring the role, and the imagined disapproval of others in the cast cause me a great deal of angst.

As I strive to realize my dreams there are various, unspecified stages of development that have to occur.  The same thing is true for every endeavor that I pursue.  There is a series of mental states through which I am required to pass to get to the next level of performance.  So, the same endeavor requires that I go through the mental, emotional, and physical development to achieve that level of success and then that allows me to go on to the next level.

This is the difference between art and science.  Art is the unconscious performance that is only achieved after science, the work part of it, has been completed.

Science is defined as: the intellectual and practical activity encompassing the systematic study of the structure and behavior of the physical and natural world through observation and experiment.  Art, however, is the expression or application of human creative skill and imagination.  It is the combination of these two that fulfills the dream.

The conclusion to which I am trending is to embrace this phenomenon; relax and enjoy it.  State the dream and live the desire to fulfill the dream and let the multitude of other I's do their work to assimilate the knowledge and then take advantage of the circumstances necessary for its achievement.

The Possible Hitchhiker

The mind and Master only have the brain-body at hand with which to work; whatever limitations exist are as a result of this fact.

In writings of The Fourth Way, various body types are identified.  It becomes clear to me that this is an attempt to recognize the possibilities as well as the limitations that are available to the mind in achieving aim.  A person weighing 200 pounds might want to see himself as a jockey and, although he may be able to ride, he will never compete; so too are the limitations put on what can be accomplished by a body type and the capability of the brain.

Early conditioning by parents and other authority figures also plays a major role in what the mind is capable of achieving as a servant of Master.  But a more perspective look at what we are and what we do may yield some different results.

We live, we work, we die.  What we do when we work is the result of many complex factors.  It is the result of choices made as a result of using imagination and reasoning, conditioned as they are by physiology, psychology and perhaps some other influences of which we aren't totally aware.

It is possible that we are vessels for a spiritual world that exists outside of our ken.  This spiritual world may be made up of entities that are living but not in a brain-body.  Entities that inhabit us at some point and influence our development as part of life on Earth.  Entities that have inhabited others in the past and will inhabit others in the future.

Some may be permanent inhabitants of a person, staying with him/her for a lifetime.  These may be conjoined with a being and, should they lose the colossal struggle for who satisfies their desires during a lifetime, could bring that lifetime to a premature end in order for them to move on.  These permanent inhabitants use the person for their own development in their quest for higher Aim; that is an ability to exist permanently in the spiritual world.

Thus there are two who are seeking fulfillment; the mind, who makes conscious decisions to guide his actions in development and Master, the spiritual entity that is seeking his development for whatever purpose that may be.  And if his development is not complete at the end of the life of the brain-body, he moves to another and continues his development.

Then there may also be others, free spirits, who sort of hang around the place of their previous experience and "step in" to use and even enjoy the experiences of a person as they pass through, much like a hitchhiker who rides along but doesn't replace the driver of the vehicle.

The new idea here is the sharing of the person with transient entities that may be lingering in the neighborhood.  It is intriguing to think about this possibility and it would explain the feelings of deja- vue that sometimes occur.  It may also be why some horrific crimes are solved; the victim "stays around" to inhabit another whom he then uses to bring the perpetrator to some kind of justice.  It is all to deep to fathom but it is interesting to think about it like this from time to time.  I would certainly not pronounce any of my ideas as dogma but I find them interesting.

Why, An Exit Strategy

Feb 26, 2016.  Since this was published, I've had heart and lung tests and diagnoses that tell me I'm fine.  The lungs are, in fact, damaged from smoking, COPD Grade 2.  It is progressive.  The CT scan showed that my aorta is enlarged.  The echo-cardiogram and stress test returned good results, no restrictions.
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There is one of me who feels it necessary, or has a strong desire to tell what he's doing; this blog is the result. In fairness to the rest of me, it is one of the reasons for the blog.  A second, and one would like to think more important reason, is sorting out the the thoughts that whistle through this head of mine.

One finds that writing out and then reading his thoughts leads to a better understanding of life and living.  Never has this one pretended that these essays are for anyone else, although anyone else is certainly welcome to read them; and many people have.  Yet there is one who opens the blogger dashboard and excitedly looks at how many additional "hits" there have been and the country of origin of those hits.  He takes pride in the quantity and the variety of people who are reading or at least opening and looking at his essays.

This dichotomy underlines the multi-faceted nature of the mind.  The mind is the originator of ideas, which lead to thoughts, which are a brain function, which then lead to action. The mind is incorporeal, i.e, having no material body or form; it is the source for the being, which is comprised of the mind and the brain-body.  The mind only has the brain-body at hand with which to work; whatever limitations exist are as a result of this fact.    The mind is the spring from which the waters of ideas flow and they flow through the channels of the brain-body for realization.

There are, in each of us, many personae; each of which was created by the mind to cope with a certain apparent need at the time that had not experienced previously.  Then, as this instance of coping was successful, that persona was cataloged and put aside.  When the need recurred, that same persona was called into play.  When this happened on enough occasions, the persona became a permanent part of the "personality" of the being.

When the being has to deal with a similar situation that occurred in the past, personae are called to deal with it again.  If the circumstances require a slightly different approach, a new persona is created that does so, incorporating those aspects of the already existing persona.  Thus we find that we are comprised of many, many personae.

The "Director" of the brain-body is he who calls forth one or more personae to implement those ideas.  He is of the mind and not a physical entity.  He is near the surface but doesn't "appear" as do those personae he calls to the fore.

_________ (some time after the above was written)_________

All of a sudden, my life has changed.  I just got word that I have problems with my lungs.  These can be traced to smoking tobacco products, i.e. cigarettes, cigars, and pipes, for a long time.  I quit in 1984, over 31 years ago, and have been under the impression that in quitting that long ago all problems would have been resolved.  Now an ugly head is raised.

About 15 years ago, in a physical exam, a doctor told me that there was scar tissue in my lungs that was the result of smoking but that there wasn't anything to be done about it.  So, I've been going my merry way for all this time.  Now, the news is different, puzzling, and problematic.  I am to see a pulmonary specialist next week.

Let's assume for the moment that I am diagnosed with a terminal illness and have less than a year to live. What changes would be made in my day to day activities?

I would keep my daily routine and continue to tend to my needs and affairs.  I would immediately update the letter to Maggie, and update the power of attorney made for her to use.  There are a couple of overtures I would make to estranged relatives.  I would continue to pursue the endeavors that remain after making a common sense appraisal of each of them, and I'd discard a lot of stuff that is just laying around.  In other words, do and live as I am currently with the exception of mending a few fences.

Then, at a time when it made sense to do so, I would deliver a coup de grace to me and completely shorten the process of dying.  The scenario of doctors, hospitals, chemotherapy, and Hosparus doesn't appeal to me when I know the result is going to be the same, only postponed with much agony and suffering.  This may come at a point where my thoughts turn from pursuing the truth about questions of life and living to only being concerned with what's next in the treatment of a terminal illness.  At that point, I will say, "Adieu" to family and friends and quietly fade into the sunset

Now a thought within my mind unlooses; perhaps I should go ahead and start living this way now, regardless of the diagnosis next week.  It makes a lot of sense to me.  It is the exit strategy for which I've been searching.


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