Gettin' It Done

What does one do when everything is done? One has to go out and find some more to do. It is as easy as that and as difficult as that.

There are those who will go out and get overly committed only to bemoan the fact that they are too busy. There are those who will sit by and watch TV only to bemoan the fact that they are either bored or are suddenly aware that they have wasted a lot of time.

But then, isn’t it all a waste of time unless one is changing his or another’s state of being including fortune? If one gives it thought, it can be seen that if there isn’t a changed state of some kind then nothing has happened and time has been wasted or at least spent unproductively. Reading books, watching performances, observing others move about is not necessarily unproductive but ranks low on the productivity ladder. It’s been the subject of past writing that there is a big difference between talking a good game and playing a good game. There are actors and directors; writers and readers; performers and audiences; players and spectators; chefs and diners.

The amount of time that has to be invested in learning technique has been underestimated by me until now. I had the opinion that a little learning and then a little practice was all that was necessary—wrong. The holy grail of doing is confidence. Confidence can only be gained through acquiring the skill through research, practice, rehearsal, and reinforcement. Research of primary and secondary sources, practice of basic skills until perfected, rehearsal at ever increasing levels of exposure until, “There it is, Irvine Crane has completed a run of 150 in billiards.” A feat not repeated very often in history. At age 26 he set a record of 309 balls.

Some of the remarkable performances are due to natural ability, or abilities that were nurtured in the early youth. When one is seventy-one, becoming proficient at any technique is difficult.

I’ve been considering my plans for 2011 and keep going back to the model of articulating the dream and then adopting a strategy and setting goals for the year. All the while fully understanding that fulfillment of the dream could accelerate and that planning of the kind I do may even prevent recognizing that a breakthrough either has or could occur without a plan.

On the one hand I fear that my dreams aren’t big enough; on the other I fear that they are unrealistic expectations. The truth is somewhere in between. The secret is developing confidence to successfully perform the action. This is the aim of practice and rehearsal, developing confidence through repetition, confidence that allows one to reach levels of performance that were not anticipated during rehearsal.

One essential ingredient is discipline. The ability to take up the task, whatever it may be, and work for its completion. There is a creeping laziness that develops with a few extra minutes in the sack, another puzzle, or succumbing to TV, internet searches, or any other activity that is not endeavor oriented. And, I’m finding out, that going to bed at an appropriate time would allow one to get up in the morning. Getting up a little later leads to retiring later and the cycle continues to expand to later and later. It is so easy to let it happen. Just when I thought I was getting to discipline, I find that I’m not. So, once again the old horse has to be made to pay attention to trends and developments and get back on the ball.

This is an example of a 4th Way tenet; there is a tendency to do X but a need to do Y in order to accomplish aim. Only the detached “I” can see what is happening and make the decisions necessary to get the being back on track. He is like the trainer, coach, or manager who knows the desired end result and keeps the horse, team, or work group on track to accomplish same.

The ingredients are Dreams, defined and refined into things to do, and Discipline to do it/them. For me now it means getting up in the morning and performing the tasks necessary to push the dream forward. The Performance Evolution file keeps me on track from a what to do point of view but there is definitely a laziness that is creeping into the behavior of the being, known in the 4th Way as being in Tramp. The Good Householder or Steward will see that this is happening and take steps to rectify the situation. In this case the action step is to get to bed before midnight and get up before eight in the morning; then pick tasks and do them.

After getting up, inertia and momentum are getting in the way. Inertia is defined as the tendency for a body to remain at rest and momentum tendency it to remain in motion. The inertia is experienced in getting started on a task; momentum is when having started same, failing to stop when the task is sufficiently accomplished. All too often one will delay, defer, dally in the commencement of a task only to find that once started the task has taken over and continues after it is essentially finished.

This leads me to the next essential activity; working along the second line. This is always seems to be difficult for me. I am in an environment comprised of actors and creative people in the IAWL production rehearsals and I’m only now beginning to exploit that for information about how to expand my acting opportunities. I think I am only now getting over the feeling of inadequacy that I’ve experienced from the start of rehearsals. Well, I’m getting there but it is taking a long time.

Confidence is an elusive beast for me; it’s like getting on a horse that doesn’t want a rider. Once I’m up, he’s fine but he’ll dance around in circles before finally allowing me to get up.

Get Ready, Get Set--

It is getting close to the time of year when I articulate what I want to accomplish in the next year. Normally I take the time between the winter solstice and the New Year to do this, and I will again this year. I recall last year that I was able to work on it from time to time during that period and finished it at the turn of the year. I suppose that will be the same this year, although I’ve been playing with it now for the past few weeks. I wrote a blog about dreams and upon reviewing mine, I see that they are dreams and not necessarily goals; they likewise have not/ will not change much for next year. The goals may change but not the dreams that they support.

One of my dailies, which constantly undergo scrutiny and to which appropriate changes are made, is: “Making the difference with a supporting comment, a good question, a helping hand; strategy according to dreams, plan according to strategy, and task according to plan, with every move made intentionally, I deliver.” It has been transformed over time from a random collection of disjointed thoughts to what it is now. It incorporates the importance of the dream and the how dream is realized through strategy, plan, task, and action.

Another thing that has received some attention is my history and plan matrix that gives an idea of what has happened in my lifetime and what could in the future. It recognizes that things change over time; they have changed in the past and will continue in the future. It is interesting to note that dreams have been realized in the past with and without the benefit of strategy and plan and goal. One thing that is the same is task and action. As long as the dream is articulated, the strategy and plan allow for the more efficient achievement of it, maybe yes—maybe no.

Many of my dreams have been seen to come true after the fact. I.O.W. the dream came true, I enjoyed that it did, I didn’t consciously plan for it but did take appropriate action at appropriate times to assure that the dream came true. Some dreams come/came true long after they were forgotten or after they were part of a conscious effort. This phenomenon supports my theory that personae are always working to realize dreams, in the foreground or in the background.

I’ve backed way off from my usual modus operandi of being busy with things that are listed as tasks. I now have some things of which I am reminded but there is plenty of time in the day for spontaneous activity. This is s.t. that is recently been effected. I use the palm pilot as a tool for taking tasks from Performance Evolution to schedule but I don’t put pressure on me to have to do this or that or the other—today. The only caution I have to maintain is that I not waste the time made available by not being over-booked.

I have my stated areas of emphasis as the script, the club, the crop, and the cue. These are my rocks, these are the activities that I pursue consciously and enjoy. I could probably stop there and not worry about how I was going to accomplish these things but it is more interesting and fun to put some thought to it and actively pursue them. Another realization is that one can rehearse/practice only so much but the real progress is made on the playing field, be that the stage, the course, the stadium, or the pool hall. It is, for the most part, better to get up there and stub your toe than to spend too much time preparing. This is not to say that one doesn’t have to know his lines, or technique; there are prerequisites.

I think the most telling realization was that I didn’t have to be the best in all my endeavors, to spend the same amount of time on each of them that I do on the rocks. So, I’m not spending a lot of psychic energy on endeavors that are not considered “rocks” but still doing them on a more casual basis. I am also not trying to establish bragging rights for any endeavor; I do them because I enjoy to do them and not to impress anyone.

I have become so aware of this that I tend to take a back seat in many conversations of which in the past I would have been in front. This is not a bad thing but it has often been less than satisfying. I am sure that there is a happy medium where one can tell his story without bragging or competing for position. There are auditions and conversations; there’s a difference in what one says and how one says it.

A lot of people to whom I talk are caught in the old days and want to relate memories and stories of things that happened to them. I get bored with this quickly both as one who is talking and one who is listening. But on the other hand it is difficult to maintain a conversation on topics of the here and now unless one is trying to sell s.t. I don’t like to sell things so I tend not to get into conversations all that often.

This has led to a less than satisfactory social situation. I enjoy learning new things, playing games, solving problems, puzzles, talking about problem areas in order to come up with some solution to same. Talking just for the fun of it holds no allure for me, simply listening likewise is difficult but true conversation where I can contribute to the discussion is fine.

I’m going into 2011 with well articulated dreams, however terse, a good understanding of what I want, and ready to invent strategies and goals that will make them real.

Reflections on Mediocrity

I’m in the middle of plotting and scheming for the week ahead and have the urge to write s.t. about what’s going on in my head at this time. We finished the run of Murder Behind the Curtain and Carola and I viewed the DVD of it last night as well. Then the time change occurred this morning so there’s an extra hour. These events have put me in a reflective mood, especially seeing the DVD.

My image didn’t seem strange to me but at the same time it makes me face the reality of how I look and sound and move. What I see is an old man who moves stiffly about, not the heroic image of an Odysseus. It’s a wonder that anyone in the acting business has anything to do with me. Yet people are kind and generally accept me, some have even given me the opportunity to go on stage and in front of the camera. A jaundiced person might say the pickings are slim in Louisville so you got the part. Another might say “To get what I want, I ask.”

At any rate, and for the record, I can readily see that I am no great shakes and need a lot of work. I am not going to make it on natural talent alone, because there is so little of it, but by virtue of hard work, showing up for rehearsal on time, knowing my lines, taking direction, being nice to others on the set, then performing flawlessly. I think the biggest thing I have to prevent is getting a high opinion of myself and thinking that I’ve been chosen because I have talent. It may be that the director gave me the part because of another cast member's recommendation. I keep getting encouragement from the other which makes me think he has a stake in my success.

I am in the same spot I’ve been in my whole life, starting out from nowhere and having to make something out of it. The pattern has been the same, now that I think about it, since the first time I was asked to sing s.t. in first or second grade. What came out of my mouth was a strange sound. I’d been singing along with the rest of the congregation, hearing a nice voice in my ears. Only it wasn’t my voice but that of one of the choristers who was near enough. One can imagine my surprise when my natural voice was the only one to be heard and it wasn’t very good. So I had no natural singing talent and that was the end of my being considered for the Choristers; I became an acolyte.

This scenario has repeated itself over and over again in my lifetime for every endeavor that I’ve undertaken. The bottom line is simple enough; I have no natural talent for anything that I’ve tried to date, and that’s a lot of things; that for which I have natural talent has escaped my notice. My fallback position is to work really hard at learning the fundamentals and practicing same until my performance is passable.

This is another flaw in my character; I work on s.t. until my performance is passable but not at the higher levels of riches, medals, and stardom. I seem to make the decision to remain at a mediocre level and then try s.t. new and different, going off on a new tangent. The amount of effort required to make the silk purse is deemed too much to pay.

I have, however, settled into four endeavors that are being pursued with the idea in mind to get better and better until I am satisfied with what I am doing. I reached this level of performance in some previous endeavors including NNS, Knights of Columbus Council 511, sailing, the Dale Carnegie Course, the Leadership Training for Mangers Course, management as a profession, and another that I won’t name. In each of these I was satisfied that I’d gone as far as I could and had no desire to reach that next level, or even knowledge of what that was.

In every instance it was a lack of vision coupled with a lack of desire and resources that allowed me to, led me to, and prevented me from making it to the big time. The primary ingredient that was lacking was the vision, the dream, the description of a desired end result that included stardom and riches. The vision was not clear or lacking all together. The second detriment was being satisfied with the doing and not moving towards a desired end result. I was on the highway but didn’t have a clear itinerary or a destination in mind. I relied on inspiration and happinstance instead of advice. The few times I got advice from others, it led to great results. The one time I totally relied on inspiration I got a failing grade on the paper. Finally I am getting the connection.

My job is simply to decide what it is. Having a dream and goals, then talking about them, whatever they are, and getting input from others who have had the experience is a necessary ingredient to success. This business of thinking that somehow I am a superior being who is able to solve life’s puzzles, come up with the best possible means of achieving a goal, and divine ways and means is the ultimate in silliness. The one missing ground rule has been that I don't have to take the advice offered but must judge same and accept or reject.

That which has prevented me from getting input from others is a character trait of which I am now aware. I am so concerned about being subordinate to anyone that I will sit here in my rowboat as ocean liners make crossings. This inability to recognize my lack of knowledge and experience has led me to where I am today; not badly off but mediocre; way ahead of a lot of people but nowhere near where I could potentially be. I’m not feeling sorry for myself but have the feeling that I’ve been slapped in the face with reality, video recordings do that.