Ying and Yang

 

The Hyatt-Regency, downtown, has a public face and a working face.  The public face is well decorated and ornate, comfortable, subdued, peaceful.  The working face is well used, bruised walls, worn flooring, glaring lights, echoing sounds, somewhat disarranged.  One would never mistake one for the other.  The public face is there to please the customers, the working face is there to get the job done. 

Two twenty-something year olds at the pool table, playing in the league week after week.  Two tougher "bitches" you will never meet, their language will blister paint, and they're good at the game of pool.  Same two were encountered where they work, as waitstaff in a restaurant.  One would never encounter sweeter, more pleasant and innocent sounding individuals anywhere; "Yes ma'am."  "No ma'am."  "Was everything OK sir?"  If I couldn't see their faces, I'd never know it was the same two people.

The management level of an apartment complex couldn't be more solicitous of the residents.  Yet they can't keep staff because they are somewhat abusive to those who work for them.  

The drama professor who is a congenial, "hail fellow well met," outside the class or rehearsal, but becomes a bully and tyrant leading a class or directing a rehearsal.

And there are many of these examples.  I'm sure the reader has likewise encountered them.  It behooves us to realize this and do a little introspection.  

The successful one is he/she who homogenizes the two internally.  They may not be all sweetness and light but at the same time they are not all thorns and venom.  An honest embrace of the Human Relation Principles, internalizing them for actions/reactions to all, is the aim to which we aspire.

If we don't see us for what we are/do, we can't change.  This message is for all.  Be good, sincerely, to everyone, always.

Oh, what are the Human Relations Principles?  Find the book, How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, and read the timeless truth.

Ground Hog Day Updated--Again

 It has now been about 10 years since publishing Ground Hog Day the first time.  Since it is Ground Hog Day, I thought it would be appropriate to do it again as I did a few years ago.

The update is short, a short sentence.  The situation remains the same except we rarely go out.  There's been drama in the form of a fall that resulted in major hip surgery, relocation to an apartment that has a care provider on site, deeper descent into dementia, and overcoming a high mortality rate from this sort of event.  So proud of us and especially her.

"About two and a half years ago I published a post entitled, Ground Hog Day.  It was actually on September 6, 2014.  This is a sort of update to that post.  Time has passed and the situation hasn't changed all that much.  It is still Ground Hog Day around here but with a new realization and that is living in the present.

"Most people don't give recollection and remembering a second thought; it is natural, expected, and is something upon which to rely.  Our memories of childhood fuel the stories that we tell our grandchildren.  Our recollection of dates and events allow us to go through the present without concern.  Sworn testimony often contains recollection of facts surrounding an act. When we forget a birthday or anniversary, the other is offended because remembering is expected; not only that of others but ourselves as well.

"Take that away and there is a totally different perspective evident.  A trip down a familiar roadway and all the sights are brand new. This road is in terrible condition; can't you write your friend a letter about it?  Where is all this traffic coming from; shouldn't these people all be at work?  Seeing a familiar house, one is heard to ask the same question about those living there,  such as, I wonder why they have so many little cars parked in their driveway?

"When you've been over the same traffic jammed and bumpy roads so many times, they no longer seems worthy of comment but when one doesn't recall the terrible conditions from the last 100 times over it, it is worthy of comment.  What one with normal memory expects is the same lack of comment that anyone would have after so many repetitions; one hears the comment as a complaint when in fact, it is an observation, again

"The person with impaired memory lives totally in the present; enjoys programs while they watch but can't tell you a thing about them later.  Enjoys a conversation but has no recollection of the call.  The most common statement is, 'I can't remember now because I am so tired," and having said that, all of the concern about the situation goes away.

"'This set of keys would be better put over here,' then can't find them when the need arises. Pills are put out to take during the day and they are still there the next day and the next.   Clothes are strewn about to be put away later but then later never happens, it is always now. When the mess is recognized one hears, "I must get to that, tomorrow." This scenario is repeated continuously.

"The idea of living in the present was mentioned in passing by my son in a phone conversation when it became evident that he'd called and had conversation with his mother but she didn't mention it and couldn't recall it when I asked about it.  He simply said, 'She's living in the present.'  I must give him credit for making such an astute observation because after he said it, my understanding of the situation improved.

Thankfully, I'm here to remind her."