Why, An Exit Strategy

Feb 26, 2016.  Since this was published, I've had heart and lung tests and diagnoses that tell me I'm fine.  The lungs are, in fact, damaged from smoking, COPD Grade 2.  It is progressive.  The CT scan showed that my aorta is enlarged.  The echo-cardiogram and stress test returned good results, no restrictions.
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There is one of me who feels it necessary, or has a strong desire to tell what he's doing; this blog is the result. In fairness to the rest of me, it is one of the reasons for the blog.  A second, and one would like to think more important reason, is sorting out the the thoughts that whistle through this head of mine.

One finds that writing out and then reading his thoughts leads to a better understanding of life and living.  Never has this one pretended that these essays are for anyone else, although anyone else is certainly welcome to read them; and many people have.  Yet there is one who opens the blogger dashboard and excitedly looks at how many additional "hits" there have been and the country of origin of those hits.  He takes pride in the quantity and the variety of people who are reading or at least opening and looking at his essays.

This dichotomy underlines the multi-faceted nature of the mind.  The mind is the originator of ideas, which lead to thoughts, which are a brain function, which then lead to action. The mind is incorporeal, i.e, having no material body or form; it is the source for the being, which is comprised of the mind and the brain-body.  The mind only has the brain-body at hand with which to work; whatever limitations exist are as a result of this fact.    The mind is the spring from which the waters of ideas flow and they flow through the channels of the brain-body for realization.

There are, in each of us, many personae; each of which was created by the mind to cope with a certain apparent need at the time that had not experienced previously.  Then, as this instance of coping was successful, that persona was cataloged and put aside.  When the need recurred, that same persona was called into play.  When this happened on enough occasions, the persona became a permanent part of the "personality" of the being.

When the being has to deal with a similar situation that occurred in the past, personae are called to deal with it again.  If the circumstances require a slightly different approach, a new persona is created that does so, incorporating those aspects of the already existing persona.  Thus we find that we are comprised of many, many personae.

The "Director" of the brain-body is he who calls forth one or more personae to implement those ideas.  He is of the mind and not a physical entity.  He is near the surface but doesn't "appear" as do those personae he calls to the fore.

_________ (some time after the above was written)_________

All of a sudden, my life has changed.  I just got word that I have problems with my lungs.  These can be traced to smoking tobacco products, i.e. cigarettes, cigars, and pipes, for a long time.  I quit in 1984, over 31 years ago, and have been under the impression that in quitting that long ago all problems would have been resolved.  Now an ugly head is raised.

About 15 years ago, in a physical exam, a doctor told me that there was scar tissue in my lungs that was the result of smoking but that there wasn't anything to be done about it.  So, I've been going my merry way for all this time.  Now, the news is different, puzzling, and problematic.  I am to see a pulmonary specialist next week.

Let's assume for the moment that I am diagnosed with a terminal illness and have less than a year to live. What changes would be made in my day to day activities?

I would keep my daily routine and continue to tend to my needs and affairs.  I would immediately update the letter to Maggie, and update the power of attorney made for her to use.  There are a couple of overtures I would make to estranged relatives.  I would continue to pursue the endeavors that remain after making a common sense appraisal of each of them, and I'd discard a lot of stuff that is just laying around.  In other words, do and live as I am currently with the exception of mending a few fences.

Then, at a time when it made sense to do so, I would deliver a coup de grace to me and completely shorten the process of dying.  The scenario of doctors, hospitals, chemotherapy, and Hosparus doesn't appeal to me when I know the result is going to be the same, only postponed with much agony and suffering.  This may come at a point where my thoughts turn from pursuing the truth about questions of life and living to only being concerned with what's next in the treatment of a terminal illness.  At that point, I will say, "Adieu" to family and friends and quietly fade into the sunset

Now a thought within my mind unlooses; perhaps I should go ahead and start living this way now, regardless of the diagnosis next week.  It makes a lot of sense to me.  It is the exit strategy for which I've been searching.


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