Peace of Mind

The hero frequently encounters almost insurmountable barriers that must be overcome on the mythological path upon which he sets out  to reach the awaiting maiden in her father’s castle.  Often they take the form of a fire breathing dragon or an ogre giant.  He has to cross chasms and swollen rivers, fight off fierce opponents, and perform one final heroic task before being successful. 

Life is that mythological path, the accumulation of skills necessary to reach a permanent state of being.  This is the aim of our lifetime, that which is set out to be accomplished.

It occurred to me that pushing my comfort zone is what evokes the overzealous internal judge and critic in me because it is I who has had a strict judge and harsh critic impressed upon him.  Decisions made to move onward and upward feed into them but it is only during the pushing of the envelope and not when the skill has been assimilated and performance is in the Skilled quadrant. 

The following Performance Paradox 2x2 illustrates the point:

The judge and critic are very active all during the Training and Intern phases but when Skilled is reached they abate because performance occurs without it being necessary for Observing I to be aware of it.

Peace of mind may be achieved earlier if one is aware of what’s happening inside one’s head and discounts the internal comments and criticisms.  The importance of maintaining a favorable attitude, of being oblivious to one’s image, of remembering past accomplishments, of being certain of aim, of maintaining relationships, and dwelling on what is happening now cannot be overstated.

The performer rehearses, learns lines, and makes what seems to be frustratingly slow progress until, voila, one day he emotes according to the blocking and the script and carries away the audience with his performance; he convincingly becomes the character.

The player practices his shots and keeps missing until one day he doesn't miss any more.

In between there are the false starts of almost knowing only to have a miscue or a missed shot pop up and open the door to discouragement.  When this happens after the performer/player has reached the top of the learning curve, he can take it in stride, the judge and critic don’t comment.  If it happens before the confidence hump has been crossed, the player/performer may suffer setbacks in his progress.   This is when he has to call upon his base of past accomplishments, current direction, and current relationships to rally to go on.

From where or how is the strict judge and harsh critic developed?  It occurs when a sensitive child is criticized by adults in superior positions.  This can be a parent, teacher, pastor, or even a neighbor but it has to happen frequently and consistently for some period of time.  The impressionable youth is galvanized into judging himself to be inferior and criticizing his performance as being less than acceptable.

The judgment and criticism may seem benign, even necessary by the adult providing them but the result is the over development of an internal judge and critic who feed on the less than perfect performance of a neophyte.   It only abates when the desired skill is either abandoned or attained.  All too often it is abandoned when the pain of trying to achieve is too much to bear.

It isn't the occasional or infrequent judgment and criticism but constant nagging that finally causes frustration and a feeling of futility to be engendered in the subject.  And unfortunately, it cannot be reversed by praise and support.

All have judge and critic; they are essential and act as the arbiters of performance and in cases of morals and ethics they are sometimes called conscience.  The subject of this writing is the strict judge and harsh critic; these can range from being a big nuisance to pathological.

Once the internal judge and critic are established, they last a lifetime.  This is why it is so important to rationalize the existence of them and work through the tough times and get to the “skilled” level in spite of them.

The only alternative is to give up development in favor of vicariously enjoying life through imagination.  The imagined great things that could have been; the imagined shared success of heroes in performances or athletics, the imagined transformation of what one actually does to what one would like to have happen. 

If you’re like me, you have suffered the slings and arrows of the strict judge and harsh critic.  If you have likewise invested the time and psychic energy into figuring it out, you will have reached the same or similar conclusions about what to do about it.

Develop a sense of humor; it is absolutely essential, especially when dealing with the self.  And be reminded to take yourself and anyone else less seriously. It’s difficult but when accomplished successfully the benefits are worth the effort.