This is going to be an interesting item. I just finished editing the final
installments of the first 100 blog entries and have published them in booklet
form; three parts that cover the gambit.
All the while I was editing them; I found the thoughts still interesting
to me but editing was necessary to make them more cogent and possibly less
personal; by that I mean I took out references to people by name.
The entries accomplished their intended purpose, i.e. to
help me work through some uncertainty and put some structure to my
thinking. The one thing that kept coming
through to me was my uncertainty. Often
the entries were an attempt to explore an idea and they came off as being
somewhat timid, somewhat fearful, somewhat uncertain, overly critical of me,
and generally namby-pamby.
The answer to this criticism is, “Yes;” that was the whole
purpose of the entries in the first place.
The thoughts that produced them came out of those very feelings and the
only way to deal with them was to explore them in writing and confront
them. So, if I sit here now and woe the
fact that I was honestly expressing my feelings, I would negate the process and
repress my feelings; neither of which is productive. “Expressing my feelings forthrightly, I am
assertive.”
In an effort to be objective, however, I want to express
something that also came through the writing.
Often I would write about a feeling of inferiority, or disadvantage, or
losing, or being less than a full fledged citizen of the world but upon
objectively examining those feelings I could see that these were exaggerations
of the truth. Almost like self-pity in a
way, giving in to feelings that are only marginally true but dwelling on them
in order to examine them. The
examination proved constructive and the feelings abated to their proper
insignificance.
The best analogy that can be made is having an irritating
hangnail, one keeps toying with it until he grips it and pulls it off, only to
wince in pain. Now the pain is
insignificant but if one dwells on it, it becomes an object of obsession until
one looks up and sees that there are indeed many more important matters with
which to deal than this pesky little problem.
The utility of the entries was understood at the time they
were made but a more significant appreciation of them came about as a result of
editing them for publication. Some of
the notes, especially surrounding mom’s death, were especially thought provoking
after the fact. The journey to decision
about acting was likewise illuminating.
I didn’t realize how significant that was until later.
Reading my reluctance to jump into agency, head shots,
auditions, and the business of acting in general was surprising to me. From the vantage point of being here now and
looking back, I’d forgotten the mental barriers that were in place to get going
on it. They didn’t stop me nor even slow
me down but they were there just the same.
One reading the entries might get the opinion that there was a lot of
trepidation, even to the point of causing the effort to not be made. No, it wasn’t that way at all; the efforts
were made in spite of it all.
It may have been pointed out during the course of writing
that when a disadvantage was identified, almost every time the opposite of it
was quickly identified and it was seen to be false. This has been a hallmark of my actions; push
on according to plan.
Often my writing would spawn a course of action that would
result in a plan. The planning process
that is contained in Leadership Training for Managers is one of many effective
planning processes and one that has been used often to exceptional
results.
Much of what is being written here is to get the point
across that however dire the situation seemed to have been in the writings, the
option to sit back and do nothing was never taken. The opposite is true, whenever a situation
seemed to be dire, a desired end result would be stated and plans to achieve it
put in place, either a formal, written plan or an item in the Planning
Evolution file but always some goal, strategy, and plan to alleviate the
situation.
All of this is interesting but there is another avenue of
thought that I want to traverse. It has
to do with attitude, confidence, and winning.
Attitude is an advanced concept. Some motivational types have been heard to
say, “The only thing you can control is your attitude; so maintain an attitude
that supports your success.” This is all
well and good but it is not such a simple thing to do. One can delude oneself into thinking he/she
has an attitude of confidence and success but an independent observer sees the
performance for what it is.
I’ve talked about this before in these writings and have adopted
the philosophy of having a good recital and an objective report. In other words, work on my performance of
skills to constantly improve them and
avoid talking about it except to modestly
report factual accomplishments.
It is too easy to fall into the trap of talking a good game
but not having same. Spectators, fans of
sports, do it all the time; they vicariously participate in the sport and begin
to identify with the actual competitors.
One works to experience the feeling of confidence, even
anticipation of success, that descends
on a player when he is in the flow of his game.
It allows the continuation of successful performance: stage acting, competitive
golf, competitive pool, or judged performance on a horse. This feeling only comes from repeating the
activity in real life, on stage, on the course, at the table, and in the arena, and
building on successful experiences to the point that the feeling happens. You know it when it does.
