Would You Be Willing To...

Everybody is busy doing something, and it isn't just my imagination.  People working for a living have the vast majority of their time allocated to their profession.  Time away from their professional pursuits is precious to them and they jealously guard against intrusion.  Those that aren’t are equally jealous of their time if they are engaged in any sort of endeavor.

There are plenty of people out there whose time is not structured and the commitment level they have is self imposed or they have nothing to do all day.  They may sleep late, watch TV, and piddle with little chores and errands all day long until it is time to go out for a game or meeting of some kind or another.  I’d venture to guess that a lot of people who aren’t working are like this, and either they do or don’t want to be imposed upon; to be asked for a commitment of any kind.  They can be so set in the pattern of spending their time that they don’t want to break it for any reason especially to commit to do s.t. that will require psychic and physical energy.  I can even see that tendency developing in me. 

I make up a plan for the week on Sunday that is based on my dreams and desires for the present and I don’t necessarily want someone calling me to get me involved in s.t. that is not on that list.  The problem is I don’t necessarily stay on track to finish that list of things and this leads to all sorts of angst but that is the subject of another essay.

The way to get me involved in anything is to (1) make it something profitable for me in terms of money or experience and (2) to allow me enough time, more than a few days, to put it on my schedule so that I can work it in.  The first part of the equation, making it profitable, requires that the other knows what I want, in what I’m interested, what piques my interest.  If someone I knew called and said they needed me to work for a short stint at the track or around the horses, for example, I’d probably say ok but if it was to work at the raceway around the cars I’d probably say no.

This brings me to proposition number 1: when asking someone to participate in an activity it would make sense to find out if the activity is s.t. that they would find profitable.  How to do this?  Well, asking them would be the common sense answer and put the onus on them to say that it doesn't fit their portfolio of activities.  Another may be to use the innerview process that is in the class for leadership training.

For example, a female member of our club told me that she demurs from projects that require physical labor, such as house construction or repair, because it just isn’t s.t. with which she feels comfortable and when she has participated in the past she found herself standing around not able to do s.t. to help.  There is a downside to s.o. saying yes to a query and not really wanting to do that sort of thing.  When left on their own to bring it about, it falls flat because in their heart they aren't suited  for it.

Then too it has to be perceived to be a task and not a commitment to large blocks of time and energy.  That could come later, after the person is convinced that this is s.t. for which he/she wants to take responsibility.

Then there’s the question of schedule.  How much advance notice is enough?  It is a matter of judgment and one may never get it right.  I started notifying the club in July of the October 28 Halloween party and the president of the club, bless his heart, went ahead and scheduled something else in the interim for that night without giving it a second thought.  

I think there is a sliding scale of notice for requested service dates.    If it is s.t. that would take place at a meeting, the notice could be made during the week of that meeting; or if it is s.t. that would occur after the meeting and require less than an hour and a half extra time, then calling to schedule it for a meeting two weeks out should do it.

It if is to occur on an evening, say after dinner, then scheduling for three weeks to a month out would probably get it on the calendar. 

 If it involves the person to schedule s.t. for a weekend, or with his/her spouse, then at least three weeks would be optimal, with six weeks being preferred.  This amount of time usually gets on the planning horizon of most people and if what they have is already there, six weeks out, it is a significant event that they won’t be able to change.

This schedule of notice seems logical to me and should work in most cases.  It has to be remembered that we may be dealing with volunteers who have rather full lives, either professionally or personally, and there is a limit to the amount of inconvenience they will abide.  If it is something for which we are paying, then the other should be more amenable and flexible in their schedule.
 

Simply putting out a call for volunteers seems to work well for the routine projects/events with which people are familiar.  The more formal approach for help is required when they aren’t familiar with what’s going to happen and they don’t want to get wrung into s.t. that is going to be an excess burden to them.

While these considerations are germane to volunteer efforts in, say a club, they are likewise to almost any pursuit that needs extra effort, efforts above and beyond what the individual can be paid to provide.  The value and payback question has to be answered in the heart of the one being asked.  If it is consistent with the desired results that the individual is seeking, the response will be positive; if they say no, it is better than a false “yes.”

Our Daily Bread, The 100th Posting

 This is the 100^th post and I want it to be s.t. that can be useful.  The most significant thing I can express to anyone who might even be thinking about asking is to build on what works for you.  


I had the good fortune to sit in the audience in Houston Texas, in 1987 or so, among about 1000 others and listen to Og Mandino tell his story.  I went because his Greatest Salesman in the World book was an inspiration to me; a book that brought tears of sympathetic joy to my eyes when I read it but then I am such a sentimental schmuck that some would say that’s easy.

To the best of my knowledge Og Mandino and I had only one thing in common, we were both members of the human race; we could have been sympathetic beings, we could both have been searching for permanence, we could have been a lot of things but the only fact is that we were both human beings.  He died in 1996. 

Several years ago, and I think it must have been at least ten; I revisited his book and saw the wisdom of it.  A series of statements, self-talk, reminders, desired attributes, things for which to strive, or whatever you would call them repeated daily until they are as much a part of you as the "Our Father” or other prayers we learned and never forgot.  After listing his, I reformatted them to more be more suitable to my needs, listed about 10 of them, and decided to commit them to memory.

That began what I now call my dailies.  There are thirty-seven of them, all committed to memory and recited aloud every day of my life.  When the occasion is such that I can’t say them aloud, I find ways to get them said internally so as not to miss a day. They remind me of the thought processes and behaviors that are part of my daily activities, attitudes, expressions, interactions with others, aspirations, dreams, and desired states.

They derived from a simple list and are said in a certain order because some grew out of another but expressed a nuance that was missing.  I suppose I could list them all for you, that could be viewed as vain but let’s go beyond vain and try to see the wisdom of what is being said here.  


Religions use this method to reinforce beliefs; RC priests read, at least they used to, from a breviary every day, a book of prayers that keeps them in mind of what they are about and the Islamists likewise pray five times a day to keep reminded of their faith.  If it’s good enough for the two biggest religions in the world, it’s good enough for me.

The list from Mandino is short, a book would not have supported many more, but our lives and aspirations go beyond the basics that he put forth.  In my heart of hearts I believe he was showing us the way, giving us a starting point, letting us decide for ourselves what is important enough in our lives to distill into a daily statement of desire.  So I will share mine with you and hope that they too will inspire you to put together your own list of “Dailies” that will keep you on courses relative to behavior, sentiments, moods, and desired results.

The typical daily is a two part statement: the assertion and the result.  The assertion is typically an action, thought, or mood and the result is the state of being that is engendered by the assertion.  Exceptions prove the rule, so yes there are a few that don’t fit this pattern but the result is the same.  In listing them I have put them in groups that are somehow related but haven’t made the analysis of that relationship.

So here they are:

Greeting this day with love in my heart, I am nicer

Forming good habits and becoming their slave, I am involved

Setting goals, I am proud

Working on Aim, I am productive

Imagining this day as I wish it to unfold, I exercise imagination

Enjoying the moment, I pay attention to what I am doing now

Doing it now, I am determined

Using my time wisely, I am aware

Staying on task, I am disciplined

Doing it now, I am determined

Recognizing distractions, I am cognizant

Avoiding mistakes, I am alert

Making mistakes, I recover

Asking others to do with me, I associate

Forgiving and forgetting, I relate more easily

Maintaining a favorable opinion, I remain enthused and constructive

Unaware of the other's situation, I remain neutral in my opinions

Internalizing the human relations principles, I am more likable

Utilizing my assets, personal and physical, I can get what I want
To get what I want, I ask

Proud of my accomplishments and aware of my capabilities, I am confident

Pleased with the way I am wending, I am happier

Initiating and participating in conversation, I am worthy

Confronting others appropriately, I am strong

Expressing my feelings forthrightly, I am assertive

Controlling myself during conversation, I achieve my purpose

Understanding fatigue to be the father of much negativity, I am rested

Aware that emotional response is irrational, I am more objective

Comparing myself, I see that I am energetically doing the best I can under the circumstances

Aware of my power on stage and platform, I dream extravagantly, audition routinely, learn my lines completely, rehearse rigorously, and perform spontaneously

In a conspicuous or competitive situation, I keep my mind on my objective and stay aware of my surroundings

When competing, I do it win

Oblivious to my image, I have more fun

Laughing at the world, I am fearless—the world is my playground

Getting out more,  I make myself available

Persisting until I succeed, I persevere stubbornly

Being the womb of essence, I am humble

Making the difference with a kind word, a good question, a helping hand, goals according to dream, plans and strategies to meet the goals, every move made intentionally, I deliver.


Now make your own.

The Party Analogy

When you go to the party:
You'll want to be appropriately dressed,
Know what you want to do while there,
Know how to relate to others there,
And know how to dance.
____________________________
As you participate in daily life:

Set your mental environment (your mood and level of self- esteem) so you can relate to situations in a way that allows good results. Auto-suggestion: A script repeated/heard daily that reinforces core beliefs and specifies your mien, e.g., happy, positive, sensitive, and enthused.

Get desired end results. Plans: Any method that defines what is desired, the current situation, goals, steps to be taken, schedule, resources required, an implementation plan, identifies others involved, and a way to follow-up.

Relate to others in a friendly and enthusiastic way. Human Relations: Know and practice behaviors that help you relate to others in a friendly and constructive manner.

Perform the motions of life well. Train your body to achieve proper movement for all aspects of motion required for daily activities including walking around, moving about, work, games, dance, and art. As with horses, the rider (intellectual center) specifies and then is quiet as the horse (moving center) does it.

The Team

There are two ideas on my mind, one relates to team and the other to integrating into a new community, or at least the way I do/did it. I’m not sure which to pursue so I’ll do both but one at a time. But wait just a moment, the two are related so I’ll do both together.

The French word for team is équipe. Because it is a language that we are not using every day, the word has a more profound meaning than what we think of as a team. Yet our word team, when stripped of connotations, means exactly the same thing. It is a group of people with disparate skills that work together to achieve a purpose (this is the fourth definition in the Merriam Webster dictionary after three that refer to animals.)

I worked in the shipyard for twenty-two years and like to think that I achieved a certain level of success and I did by any objective measure. Yet it only dawned on me recently that I was one member of a team of more than 20,000 people who were engaged in the building of ships. This concept didn’t dawn on me when I was working there, although I did feel that way even if I didn’t realize it.

When I went to Tenneco in Houston, Case in Racine, Case at LePlessis, or even in my own business, the realization was not there nor the feeling. I just didn’t see myself that way after NNS. Things may have worked out completely differently if I had but that is conjecture.

I seem to have always felt a need to belong to something bigger than myself, to identify with it and feel like I belonged in/to it. This is a need that has been with me since I can remember; Holy Cross, Scouting, my high school, college, the fraternity, and in a very a big way NNS & DD Co. It has also been fed by delving into the communities where we have lived because the more I knew about the place and/or the organization and the more I participated in local activities, the more of an understanding I developed and the more at home I felt.

This delving in to the community was, now that I think about it, something that was taught to me by my father, much like the parents of a baby robin teach it to find worms by showing them how; he would take me with him to various places in Saint Louis and see the history of the place. We went through neighborhoods where he would recount the way it was, to museums to see the artifacts of the past, to the “backsides” of many buildings, restaurants, theaters, and businesses, even the streets on which we rode had stories of how they got thataway.

When I went to Newport News, I took with me this idea of delving into the past and did the same thing there that he’d shown me in Saint Louis. Because NN was smaller by far than St. Louis, I expanded my view to include the entire peninsula, from Williamsburg and Jamestown, to Yorktown, Poquoson, Phoebus, Old Point Comfort, and Hampton. I spent quite a bit of time crawling the area finding gems of history, especially the old houses. Wherever I am, old houses and neighborhoods hold a fascination for me.

Then when I went to Houston, perhaps because it is so much larger, I made a science out of it. I found photography studios and went to see historical photos then went to the present locations to see how they now looked. I read history and tracked down the locations of events, I talked to people to hear how the area developed. I made plans weekly to see something new and unique to the city. In four years I knew as much as anyone who’d lived there much longer but certainly not the details necessary to put it into perspective.

I repeated some of this in Racine but quickly soured on it; it just didn’t hold my interest very long. Then when we went to England and France and Europe in general, my interest was piqued. I was lucky enough to find “A Literary Guide to Paris” and tracked down many locations that were referenced by the authors who lived there, for example Victor Hugo’s elephant in Les Miserables, and the burial location in the Hunchback of Notre Dame.

I have likewise done this in Louisville. The UofL Archives are a rich storehouse of photos and I’ve driven the wheels off the car traipsing around the old City of Louisville to see neighborhoods, cinemas, parks, thoroughfares, and buildings. Like most other places I’ve been, the old houses and neighborhoods are particularly fun to see.

One reason I am drawn to acting is being a player on a team. The thing about acting that attracts me is to be in a cast, work cooperatively during rehearsals with almost no politics, developing friendships that are mutually satisfying and beneficial but not relationships that get in the way. The cast is together; we all have a script and a part to play, rehearse, perform, and then go on about our lives. The team is formed for the production and then goes away and yet there is a feeling of belonging to a larger community of performing artists who are of one mind, and on some level part of “the Theater.”

There is a history of the theater much like that of an area, an allure that includes famous actors and actresses. Yet even when associated with it in as small a way as I am, my perception of them has changed. Instead of seeing them as somehow apart from the rest of us, I see them for what they are, people engaged in a profession much the same as any other. Some are more involved in marketing efforts, taking advantage of the public persona they have. Others are quietly working at their craft to become as good at it as they can. The Leonardo Da Vinci movie at the Frazier yesterday is a good example. None of the actors was a recognized name but each was remarkably cast and performed the character with remarkable sensitivity. I am pleased to belong to it.

A Window In My Head

There is a cartoon, depicting two buzzards sitting in a tree in the desert. One is saying to the other, “Let’s just go kill something.” That is the mood I am getting into, not murderous but rather a mood to go out and precipitate some action.

This blog entry is going to be stream of consciousness; you will be hearing in your mind's ear as you read it the various and sundry thoughts that are running through my head as I write. They will be as they come up; some will be expanded, others may be simple statements, none will be edited. So here goes.
The morning is almost gone and I have done scant little of a productive nature. I’m seeing the difference between being productive and being busy, or wasting time.

The French lessons by Michael Thomas are effective, I’ll keep doing them. And the golf tips from David Leadbetter are worth their weight in strokes. Too bad the weather isn’t cooperating. I could go to the pool hall and see what, if anything is happening there. Talk about wasting time.

I’ll listen to France2 in a little while; I don’t know why I do that because I understand so little of what is said. On the other hand I get a word or two more each time I listen to it. This, the audio programs, and TV are all so passive in their nature that I don’t like them; yet I like the results they are getting for me. It’s like overhead, necessary but not productive.

There isn’t much of a future involved with this current set of activities. I didn’t go to the French Meetup last night because I wanted to stay home; yet staying home, alone, is probably the least productive thing I could have done. But OTOH, Johnny called and we had a nice chat. So that wasn’t so bad after all.
Sure would like to get a horse.

There are a dozen things I could be doing but none of them grabs me. I’m not going to make a list of them because I’ll wind up doing them. OTOH I should make a list and do them and then they wouldn’t be hanging around like derelict bums waiting for a handout.

I was bummed out because a Rotarian didn’t get back to me; then he did and when I looked at the calendar it was within a day of my message to him. I just don’t have enough on my plate. But if it ain’t acting, riding, pool, or golf, then I’m not in the mood. But there are a lot of other things on my Endeavors list and I could do any of them, it’s just that the big four are what I really want to do.

I need to memorize the Brother Orchid monolog. That’s a good one for a serious minute and my Guinness Book of Records is fine for the comedy minute.

If I had a horse I’d have to go take care of it; that has been a long standing strategy of mine, get an animal that requires care to stay active.

I suppose if I knew what to do I could stay busy on any and all of my endeavors but a horse would give back; in their own way they do. All of my endeavors, at least all but a few of them don’t require me to do with others.

My dailies are likewise focused on my own behavior and desired actions /reactions with others. So my prescriptions are more self oriented than out there doing with others. And when they are, I’m reluctant to do so.

Any sphere of association takes time to develop, or at least I think it does. When a new group is approached there is a required inuring that has to take place because the first reaction of a group, most of the time, is adverse to the newcomer or at least wary.

My sister called this morning to wish us a happy anniversary; that was nice. It’s the first time she’s called me since mom died two years ago this month. Not that that means anything, she probably has other stuff on her mind. I seem to think that everything is about me; when people don’t call it’s because they don’t like me, don’t want to be around me. That’s how I feel generally. This is stupid thinking on my part but just because it’s stupid doesn’t mean I don’t do it.

I think about going to Midland Trail club house and seeing what’s going on. Well, I’ll find a bunch of guys there who all seem to know each other and who will put up a wall to prevent me from participating; or maybe it is I who puts up the wall. How do I know, it’s happened. So I immediately think it’s something that I look like, or act like, or whatever that is inscribed on my forehead.

I put a message out there for my riding buddy and she hasn’t returned it for more than a week. My conclusion is negative about me. Yet the truth is that it isn’t about me, nobody really cares about me. Now that’s a negative attitude too. It is true, however, that no one calls me; since I don’t call anyone either—you see where that puts me, right here in isolation.

Now that I think about it, this whole entry is about me but then that’s how I get off the dime and start doing again. I sit and complain to me, then do something. Most of the time I do because I feel like I have to; this isn’t always true but mostly. There are some things I do because I like to, they usually relate to my endeavors, even those beyond the big four.

Generally I’m in a foul mood. Have been for several days and I think it must be because I am not doing with others. I pursue my list of things to do but they are somewhat insignificant. Participating with others to achieve a worthy goal; that’s what I’m missing. I need a part in a play.

Another Step Down the Road

So here we are, into the month of September and I haven’t written for quite some time. About what will I write? Well, I’ve used the same strategy often in the past, sit down and start keying and we’ll see what develops.

There are several thoughts that may be worth expanding, one is career oriented and that is tempting; to say the least. Another is on life and living as we close in on older age but that is not as tempting because I don’t think my status is going to change that much for another 15 years or so; I’ve pretty much decided to let the chips fall where they may in the game of life and living unless a curable disease develops.

We just came back from our trip to California and then Las Vegas and that was after a three week sojourn in Virginia Beach, which included some high drama. These and this could lead to all kinds of trouble if I wrote about the details so I’ll just leave them alone.

Where am I at the moment vis-a-vis my chosen career of acting? I’m hanging out; not in class, not involved with a project involving others be it movie, play, or business and I don’t have a clear plan or idea of what to do next.

I believe in me. While away, the idea of being on the top team came into my thinking and I accepted it. I put myself on the “A” team, those who are privileged to be successful in what they do, how they look, and how they behave. I was then turned down for two roles and unsuccessfully auditioned for two paying spots. This doesn’t deter me but it does keep me grounded and realistic.

Then there is the sport that teaches me much about life, golf. My golf game took a turn for the better. It started with a putting strategy and that extended to all the other types of strokes, i.e. tee shots, long and short irons, pitching, and chipping. The extension wasn’t a great leap but natural. It came to me just a month or so ago, either before or during my trip to Virginia Beach and it has made the difference.

It became clear to me that I have studied the game with two superior DVD programs, lessons from professionals; have practiced untold hours and have been playing for a number of years. At one time or another I made par on every hole at Midland Trail and at Long Run Golf Courses, both of which I play regularly. All of a sudden it dawned on me that I know how to play the game except for the really arcane nuances. Yet I was approaching every shot from tee to hole-out as if it was new and different and required cognitive analysis.

The idea came to me to qualitatively examine the putt for slope and distance; take a stance, and simply say to myself, “There’s the hole, here’s the ball; put the ball in the hole,” and then make the stroke. The results were astounding. My putts either go in or get to within one or two feet of the hole. It takes a little discipline to stay calm and keep from over-analyzing the putt; a little more to remember the mantra; and a little more to look from the hole to the ball only once or at most twice after taking my stance. As faith in my previous hard work on the game increases I will make the putt with one look after taking my stance.

This is not to say that there won’t be a generous amount of time taken before addressing the ball, and another increment taken before stroking. I’m saying the look at the hole and back to the ball to hole will be once.

It must have been the next time out when I decided to extend this method to the tee shot. Here I said to myself, “There’s the target, here’s the ball. Hit the ball to the target.” The target is picked before addressing the ball and thinking about all of the other aspects of the swing; then just before the swing take another look at the target, then the ball, and then say it; then hit the ball and see the result. Without recrimination, evaluating the result and calmly requesting adjustments to be made the next time up.

All of this rests on the foundation of grip, stance, and swing characteristics; none of which is abandoned nor forgotten before making the swing. It’s just that the last thing to do is say the mantra. Sounds corny but after six weeks of it and fifteen rounds of golf and many buckets of balls on the range, the results have been most encouraging. Yet I realize it is but another step along the path.

I remember now that I was doing the same in riding. I told myself, I know how to ride, let it go. This extends into pool as well. Pool requires a lot more discipline than golf; at least I find that to be true at this point in time.

It was also used for my last management workshop when we uncovered 100 ideas for fundraising for my local Rotary club. I put the workshop together and wasted no effort in mentally rehearsing it; “I know the material and the procedure; do the workshop.” It is almost like acting, you learn the script, rehearse, and then perform spontaneously—again and again.

Now for the leap; is it possible that this will work for realizing dreams? My life experiences are such that I know how to—whatever. It is a matter of allowing the personae involved to “do it.”

The French Cook

Carola and I decided to have lunch at the Chateau one fine day. We went there, found our way to the café, and sat down. As we sat there, I was aware of heat coming from a source to the left of and behind Carola. As I looked at what I thought was the wall, I began to make out what it was; the massive kitchen cook stove of the Chateau from when it was a going concern. It was painted over with the same color as the rest of the room and almost indistinguishable. It had been cold for a very long time, not used for more than 180 years. Yet, as we sat there I felt the heat of it. Not that it was unbearable, it was tolerable heat but more than warmth; it was the heat of a cook stove.

Floods of visions went through my imagination, there were spectral figures bustling about, all on a culinary mission of some sort, and this went on for some time. Carola called me back to reality but in the background there was this frenetic activity all the while we were there. I didn’t feel threatened or even uncomfortable, as it was I felt quite at home there; as if I was supposed to be there.

This feeling of belonging wasn’t new to me; I’d felt it from the day I made the right turn out of the forest and voila! There was the Chateau du Chantilly staring me in the face. It was larger than life, an apparition. After that, I made that trip frequently, it was one of a variety of ways I could get home from work in Leplessis-Belleville, but this was the only time the Chateau loomed larger than life before me.

Then I could never be without knowing my way around the ville. Although the grounds of the Chateau were strange to me, I was not a stranger in the city and felt even more at home in the older parts than on Avenue de Montmorency where we lived. In the forest and at the Grand Ecuries, there was never a time that I felt in a strange place.

There have been other familiarities for me. One that was also strongly felt was on Maui in Hawaii. I went to a little whaling museum and it was the same type of experience as was Chantilly, especially when I read some authentic log entries and heard “Thar she blows!” with the inflection that was undoubtedly authentic. Then later that night, when walking down the main street of the little tourist trap, I had the feeling that I was there 150 years before and the crowd was not modern day tourists but ships’ crews making a night of it ashore. The feeling was very strong.

I’ve been to hundreds of places throughout the world and have had these feelings only a few times. Others that I can recall as I sit here are: on the Great North Road at the Mount Pleasant Hotel near Doncaster in England, the roadside graves at a location in France on the way to St. Dizier, in Pompeii, at the Harbor in Sydney Australia, on the Newport News Point railroad dock at the foot of 23rd Street, sailing on the Chesapeake Bay off of Old Point Comfort, and generally in San Francisco to name most of them. One can see that the number is small by comparison to my travels. The Chantilly, Pompeii, and Maui experiences were the most significant, although the others were strong enough to get my attention. The question is; what’s going on?

One explanation was that these represent for me some previous existence/ lifetime but now I’m not so sure. Could it be that there are unfinished lifetimes hanging around out here waiting for a sympathetic being to allow them in for completion of a sort? I say hanging around because when I saw the roadside graveyard in France, I was aware of a group of soldiers sort of hanging around in a desultory fashion as if they had nowhere to go. I got the impression that they were lost in despair. So too could other unfinished lives be hanging around the vicinity of their untimely death and when a vulnerable or even cooperative Master chances by they can jump on and work their way to some sort of completion.

Completion for me means permanency. That is to say the Master that inhabits this brain-body works to develop himself to the point that when the brain-body dies, he moves on to another higher plane of existence in the spiritual world. I don’t know if this is a possibility for all the brain-bodies I see walking about but I firmly believe it is for this one and for numerous others.

This Master seems to have more than a modicum of strength/power over this brain-body. He is confident in what he does and it is possible that there is room in here for more than one; i.e. the Chantilly cook may have hooked on and is here for the ride. I don’t feel like the others are. Yet the Master is going about his business of becoming permanent without regard to his little French friend or maybe in spite of or even in addition to him.

In order for an inhabitation to take place there may be some prerequisites. It would seem that there have to be some sympathetic qualities existing between the one needing a ride and the Master. How many of these hitch hikers can one Master abide? At some point the hitch hiker may opt to get off and anywhere along the line another might be picked up. Yet there is a Master working on permanency who may have inhabited this brain-body early on, or who at least is the strongest to have climbed aboard thus far. I am close to concluding that inhabitation can take place at any time during the brain-body lifetime and not necessarily inspiration at first breath as I have previously thought.

Audience

Without doubt the audience is the most important aspect of any entertainment enterprise. Surprisingly it has two opposite connotations; the first is the most obvious, performers and/or performances must have appeal in order to attract an audience; the second is more subtle, a location will attract performers/ performances in direct proportion to the size of audience made available.

Some would submit that audience translates into gate receipts but this is not always the case. Eventually it is the goal of all performers/ producers to attract a paying audience and get rich and famous as a result but on the way up and on the way down performers will often sacrifice gate receipts for the chance to perform.

Unlike a business enterprise where the leverage of power over business operations is the value determinant, performances are directly affected by the appeal they have in attracting an audience. When one sees the size of the audience Lady Gaga, Madonna, the late Michael Jackson, and a few others of exceptional star quality are able to attract, it is evident that the popularity they have achieved, although incrementally, is not accidental or attributable to luck. It never has been, not for all of the thousands of seekers of stardom. It is, however, the result of a series of organized marketing and production activities that are focused on creating an image that all at the same time entertains, amuses, shocks, and, most of all, allows a large number of people to vicariously participate in the success.

The star becomes the central product of an enterprise comprised of many people in various roles to assure success; much like any other business enterprise. Although it may seem to be an entrourage, it is an organization devoted to the marketing and production of the star performance.

Some attain stardom and lose one or more of the above product attributes and flame out like a comet streaking through the upper atmosphere. Others maintain an appeal for a number of years until finally reaching the end of a product life cycle. That product life cycle may be measured in increments starting at fifteen minutes (everyone’s) of fame and lasting for days, months, years, and even a lifetime. There are durable entertainment stars who remain stars into their eighties, and longer, as did George Burns who lived to be 99 and was booked to do his 100th birthday on stage when he died.

The fact of the matter is that careers have to be managed to produce the results that are desired. These can be measured in terms of fame, riches, acclaim, awards, and perhaps other terms that are important to the careerist. It doesn’t happen by chance.

Who manages a career? The careerist up to a point and then he/she is approached by the next other who sees some possibilities and takes over the management and then another, and another until the big league is reached. Then much of what happens is the result of this management and the success or failure is keyed directly to it. The performer has, by this time, demonstrated some skill and ability in performing and has the potential, desire, and capability to adapt to the demanding requirements of fame.

Acting requires an ability to assume a role so completely that the actor can become that character, saying the lines of the script but living the situation he is in as the character being portrayed. There is no separation between the actor and the character; the actor so completely assumes the role that even his ad lib conversation during the sublimation is as the character and not as the actor.

Is it possible for me, at this late date, to set out on a career path that would approach fame and fortune? "Nothing is impossible," "One cannot make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear," two relevant statements. Often I am too objective in my thinking, too pragmatic for my own good.

I have always had a set of unrealistically high ideals and tried to perform to those ideals. Until now my performances have been in business management and training. I’ve done well but objectively feel that I have performed at the mid level. I O W there are no large audiences following me around paying to see me perform; my business star has faded and become a black hole as far as anyone else is concerned. My training star never made it over the horizon. There is nothing unique, wonderful, different, appealing, or noteworthy about what I think, say, and do in front of an audience. Why is that?

Sometimes I think that G’s mirror is in play, in a way. G’s mirror, as you may recall, is seeing in others what you see in yourself. And when you come across as seeing yourself as having a lack of ability and capability in front of an audience you are discounted, tolerated but dismissed for future consideration.

It could be that if I could see myself as able, capable, engaging, and fully assimilated into the role I am playing; I would attract the attention necessary to create a demand for my performance. It would have to be at the deepest most profound level of my being and not a consciously assumed set of attributes.

As there have been in golf, pool, and riding, moments of euphoric experience when the ball arcs toward the target, the holy grail of pool is achieved—even once, or when the horse and I were as one going over the fences, so too have there been performances that are noteworthy. One for example was a video made at the shipyard to welcome a new IBM executive. I stood in front of the Dorothy and delivered in one exceptional take.

All of these experiences indicate that I have what it takes. What I seem to be missing is repeating the performance consistently and without fail, in other words, professionally. Actually, I have repeated performances on stage more consistently than in any other endeavor. This is what gives me the idea that I can be a stage/film performer.

It is daunting that I have so far to go and I’m starting at such a late date. I was on a roll at Tenneco and it was interrupted in 1988 when the company went into decline. I didn’t have enough self-confidence/ image to reassume a corporate career; in fact, I didn’t know what that was at the time. Then a lack of knowing the business of training caused me to get out of the Executrain franchise. Now I am unsure of what others think of my performances on stage and platform. What to do?

How Long Should I Stay

A foursome finishes their round of golf and heads into the clubhouse where they sit in each other’s company for a while, usually drinking something, and shooting the breeze; then there comes a point when the meeting is over. This is the subject of today.

There seems to inevitably come a point when further association is no longer useful or desirable. This is true in almost every encounter, be it a business meeting or a retail sale. There is nothing further to be gained from continuing to be in each other’s company so the parties part ways. Staying beyond this point can have undesirable consequences for the relationship.

This is a phenomenon of which I am only recently becoming aware but as I reflect on it, it rings true almost to the point of being a postulate. People create opportunities to get into the presence of others by setting appointments, having routines that put them in contact with others, such as breakfast in the same diner, or lunch at a variety of same places, or simply go to public places where they see others as in a business center, mall, or park. There must be something about seeing familiar faces even though not necessarily interacting with them, that is reassuring.

But there is a point beyond which remaining in the presence of or in the location of others becomes uncomfortable and we must move on. In a business situation it approximately an hour, in a social situation it is measured in minutes.

 Almost anyone can recall the social situation where one was in casual conversation with another and it just went on too long or it became obvious that there was nothing left to say but there didn’t seem to be a graceful way out. It happens in business too but the parties seem to shrug and part ways, often without even saying goodbye.

It is quite different when the association is for a purpose, then the parties remain in each other’s presence as long as it is necessary to accomplish the purpose at hand. This is true in competitive situations where a game has duration and the players remain until it is over.

 Even in these situations there are times when play is suspended because further interaction is futile but more often than not the players see it through to the end, regardless. It is true in work situations where people are cooperating in order to achieve a common purpose. They remain together, often using the time together for other purposes as well.

The Gin Game, a play by D.L. Coburn, uses this social phenomenon to explore the feelings of two people who are in the throes of lonely later years, each in denial but the truth is evident to the other. It is a game that requires them to remain in each other’s presence longer than the optimum and this leads to hidden feelings being revealed each to the other, feelings come out even though the people don’t want them to.

In a 4th Way sense, there are personae who have to get it out there for others to comment on in order to better deal with it; yet there are personae who don’t want to reveal their feelings, who are afraid, or at least reluctant to become intimate.

Perhaps this is an underlying purpose of being with others. There may be personae in the Being that need to reveal unrequited feelings but because we are comprised of discrete personae the Being may not even be aware of it. Yet he knows that by interacting with others, socializing, the opportunity to reconcile the discomfiture will arise and be settled.

This is an insight: for some time the definition or identification of “Director” has eluded me but now it can be seen that Director is the persona that allows others to be in control of the brain-body when that is necessary or desirable; he will now be identified as Being because he has an even larger role to play.

Being is he who is engaged in achieving permanence. In order to progress towards that aim he has to deal with/ cope with all that this lifetime of associations and experiences brings his way. He creates personae as needed and uses them, sometimes the same one over and over for the same, or similar experiences. Used frequently enough, personae become part of the “personality” of the brain-body and are recognized by others.

 He recognizes that personae may have loose ends, or unfinished business, or unrequited needs that resulted from interrupted activities but may not know the precise personae that need attention. He, therefore, puts the brain-body in play, so to speak, by getting among others and allowing those personae with needs to be satisfied.

Then too there is the possibility that Being is aware of more than is cognitive to the brain-body. An example of this and only one of many, happened last Monday at the film shoot. I was sitting in the shade with Carola without any need to move when I got up and walked around to the other side of the Boat Club building. I mean I simply arose and started walking without questioning myself as to why and without having any destination in mind. As I rounded the building I heard my name, it was my agent saying she was trying to get in touch with me about a film shoot on Wednesday.

There are more ways that Being uses to attain aim than of which brain-body is aware. We have invented computers, networks, and the internet to allow us to communicate. It has long been evident to me that this same capability exists innately in the brain-body and it is used by the Being for his purposes, in his pursuit of aim.

Being is not unique to this brain-body and many, not necessarily all, brain-bodies have Being. It is quite a leap to realize that Beings communicate without the brain-body even being aware of it.

The Going

There is the level to which we aspire, then there is the level at which we are. There are differences in our mind about these perceptions. Where we are is a level of which we aren’t necessarily aware. Others see us. They, along with us, approve/ disapprove, judge competency and status, and generally form an overall opinion. These opinions are worthless to us except that when they are generally held they can either support or destroy.

The level to which we aspire is an ideal. It is attainable but at the same time a moving horizon which continues at a distance whereto we never arrive no matter how fast we go. There is no there; the finish line is moving, fixed only at death.

This moving horizon is one of the most important realizations one can have. When a child we see teenagers and aspire to be one, then we aspire to adulthood. As an adult we aspire to levels of recognition or achievement, or both, and while others may see us as having “made it” we always strive for the next whatever. It may be a skill, a job, possession, partner, and/or amount of money, recognition in the form of a medal, award, or board membership. There is always that which we would have but don’t.

Others observing us form opinions ranging from admiration through indifference to envy and even hatred. These opinions are a matter of comparison to their own situation. When they are engaged in the pursuit of s.t. and see one who is likewise engaged, they can be positive and constructive and admire, study, and model. When they are frustrated by their own fruitless pursuit, the negative emotions come out in the form of envy and even hatred.

We, on the other hand, are only casually aware of our achievement. Working for it over a long period of time, it creeps up on us and we are comfortable with our performance as we move on. For the most part we aren’t even aware of the level we have attained. We see signs of recognition and discount them as not being all that important. All the while we are working for achievement we incrementally raise the bar to a higher level and don’t dwell on where we are but rather where we are going.

Acceptance is the bane of growth. When we accept ourselves as being you name it, we are no longer engaged in the pursuit of an ideal. This is the end of personal growth and it can come at any age or it can be avoided at any age. An actor who upon receiving an Oscar decides that he has reached the summit of his success will fade from the screen and be forgotten except by historians.

There are those who upon achieving a modicum of success in a field, abandon it and take up another. I am one of these. It seems that reaching the pinnacle of success is not my goal in life. For me it is like sailing; the pleasure is in the going not the arriving. As I reflect on my life from the vantage point of more than 70 years, I see that keeping my interest stimulated in a pursuit is paramount. If I feel that there is no more to be discovered, learned, or devised, I am likely to lose interest and leave the field. Levels of money, position, power, and fame have been side effects of some of my activities but not the motivation.

Sometimes I think that these have been deterrents for me. I have no basis for dealing with great amounts of any one of them much less all of them. I’ve been in situations where any or all of them could have come my way but I found a way out and demurred for one reason or another.

Understanding that they can come along with achievement may have been a reason for not making it. The scepter of capability arises but as I look at others, I can see that I am as whatever as they except in the willingness to take the plunge. So far, and it is quite far, I have not made the connection between capability and recognition (money, position, power, and fame.)

One conclusion I am reaching is that it just doesn’t happen without setting one or all of them as a goal and taking steps to achieve it. There isn’t a panel of experts sitting in the wings looking at the billions of people in the world and saying, “Aha! There’s our next hero.” No, it is incumbent on the hero to make his reputation, exploit his meager capabilities, and step into the spotlight at every opportunity. Then a swell of recognition will begin to rise and if it takes form may raise him to that status. The decision has to be made; the desire recognized, the work has to be done; humbly asking for help, compromises made, and sacrifices offered then, with persistence and unity of being, success will be achieved.

There is another take on this. The money, position, power, and fame of today are forgotten tomorrow. Is it more important to be satisfied with one’s efforts and position and take life as it comes? One can spend his lifetime chasing some holy grail and be satisfied that he did the best he could or one can spend his life chasing money, position, power, and fame; come up short and die disappointed.

“To thine own self be true” is the advice to follow. If one can see the path to glory and decide to take it; he must enjoy the walk as he goes; here and there will be interesting people, starts and stops, a wonderful view, a comfortable inn in which to rest, then once again out on the endless road, perhaps the yellow brick road toward the skyline of the Emerald City. But he must remember his goal is the corner office on the thirtieth floor of 10th and Milam in Houston Texas.

Lights, Camera, Action

My last blog is revealing to me. It identifies me as a person who lacks passion; who isn’t sold on the idea that what he is doing and what he is about is worth getting excited about. That just isn’t true but it would, I think, seem that way to anyone who was involved with me. I could take those things where I am involved with others and look at them objectively to see if any passion is evident but first I need to address the word, the concept of passion.

It is getting a little trite and it came out of an equally overused word, enthusiasm. For my purposes we need to forget that it is trite, forget that it is overused and not worry or concern myself with coming up with a euphemism or a replacement for the word. I am going to use the two words as if they represent new and unique concepts in my thinking; then if another word comes up that works, I will also use it.

I know from experience that the place where enthusiasm has to come is from within; one has to feel enthusiasm for that with which he is dealing, it cannot be faked. The lack thereof can be from fatigue, from bad experiences remembered, from something less than a favorable impression of the situation. The way around this is to remember that there is a way to jump start, or do a warm up exercise. A method to do this follows the 4th Way, and it is to say that there are within me certain other enthused personae who may be not be involved with the present situation that requires same and these can be called upon to work with the not enthused to get them going.

This hurdle is the most critical that must be overcome when dealing with a situation. It is a method used in acting as well. One substitutes the role playing situation with a real-life situation that required the same emotional involvement.

The transference takes place and the character takes on the emotion that the real-life situation evoked. This method can be used without fail in any situation that arises on stage or in real-life. When going into a situation that requires an emotional response, simply recall a similar situation from which a desirable outcome was obtained, find the feeling that you had at the time, feel it again and transfer that to this one.

This is easier said than done. It reminds me of the “holy grail of pool” where one makes the object ball and leaves the cue ball in the best position possible to make the next object ball. Or the “holy grail of golf” where on a par 4, one drives the ball 250 yards down the fairway, then hits his second shot to the green and putts the ball into the hole for a birdie. Both of these are easy to express, just as easy as the previous paragraph. But the skill required to make these happen can’t be underestimated. The same type of concentration, circumspection, and control required to call upon performing personae is required in interpersonal situations in life or on stage as in golf or billiards.

These two games are especially analogous to acting because all the while one is taking his turn he is being watched, he is acting and reacting to conditions that are extant on the table or course, he is thinking, using his controlling personae but at the same time attempting to allow his performing personae the freedom of action required to be successful. The controlling personae have a way of getting in the way of the performing personae if they aren’t shunted aside at the optimal point in time before the action commences. This is true in any context be it social, competitive, business, or stage.

It takes a lot of hard work have this become one’s modus operandi. The realization that one has to be able to do s.t. and not just talk a good game is a valuable insight that this one realized some time ago. The amount of work required to be skilled at golf or pool is nothing compared to the amount of work required to become a skilled actor, both on the stage and in the real-world sense. Aside: a good actor brings the real-world of experiences to the stage role he is playing.

Whenever lacking a coach for these games and acting, I have to rely on my controlling personae to be able to glean information from published sources and through observation of more skilled practitioners. Then my controlling personae become the coach/ trainer for the performing personae. Success can be had with perseverance; of course, if an external trainer or coach is available, one can shorten the learning curve and increase his level of confidence more quickly. This second aspect, confidence, is fundamental to performance but we are getting off track. The sublimation of successful emotional responses can be achieved with trial and error if one has the patience to observe himself in situations.

The controlling personae are collectively analogous to the director of a play; he has a large influence on what the actors do during rehearsals but the play is on when it is being performed. This is part and parcel of the 4th Way; it is what Gurdjieff, Nicole, and others were talking about when they preached self-observation.

The performing personae need to be reminded before the action takes place that emotional content is important, enthusiasm begets positive reinforcement from others. Assuming the role of the enthused participant is the starting point and emotional content can be increased or decreased as necessary to fit the action taking place. The controlling personae have the responsibility to take the initiative and get the performing personae “on stage” with the right level of emotion. Those on stage are then required to perform spontaneously. The emotional level displayed cannot be seen as contrived but must be genuine, which is possible with hearkening back to similar past experiences.

The Invisible Man

I want to explore my observed approach to life and, more specifically, others. In a nutshell I am a fearful person; perhaps more or less so than others but about others makes no difference to me. I tend to try to make my way in the world without causing anyone else difficulty of any kind; to be with people but not make a bad impression on them. Right away I can see this is a defensive position. If you were to ask anyone who knew me casually I doubt if they would have an opinion about me. There were times when I stepped up to what I felt needed saying or doing and did but there were many other times when I simply shrugged.

To say that I am fearful is much overly simplified and any objective analysis would identify it as pure baloney but it is partially true. Much of what I say and do is governed by fear; fear of one thing or another but mostly fear of being compromised or put at a disadvantage by another; to be beaten at whatever psychological or monetary game is being played during the instant.

If I am feeling the least bit unfit for social intercourse, I demur. Yet if another brings it to me, I respond appropriately. This is true whenever I don’t have an agenda; if I am asking for s.t., I tend to take the initiative and get involved even if I don’t know the other. I must admit that I am not afraid to ask, afraid to act, afraid to take risk, afraid to step through the doorway into the unknown.

Rarely will I take the initiative to push an agenda that could be seen as controversial, be it social, political, or intellectual. And this is probably where the fear factor comes in—it is a fear of being identified with an unpopular idea and become socially unacceptable. Or to create in another an opinion of me that is detrimental in some general way that could cause difficulty for me in some undefined future situation. Is this fear or caution? I think it is fear but based on experience.

Maybe I have self-knowledge that I have tendencies and predilections toward behavior that is unacceptable to most people and eschew same. And, because I am not sure of myself, tend to err on the overly cautious side and not do or say s.t. I tend to gravitate to people who have a certain set of values, values that I share for the most part but not all the time.

I seem to care too much that some of my behavior could easily offend and that some friendships and associations would cease. But then, it makes me so bland as a result that the friendships and associations are lukewarm to the point of being meaningless.

This is in the category of making my way in the world without causing anyone else any difficulty of any kind. When I am out and about, I usually don’t initiate contact with a stranger. When I do, it is more an invitation to him/her to respond so I can judge whether or not I will continue the correspondence. My tendency is to ignore rather than engage. When I engage with another, it is superficial and certainly doesn’t invite the other to ask of me. When I finish a transaction, the impression I’ve made is so superficial that the other will forget me within minutes. It is only after repeated and prolonged interaction that I am able to make an impression, and even then it is often one of blandness. The stated opinion would be that this guy doesn’t have much passion about him one way or the other. So, like my so-called friends and associates, all with whom I come in contact simply go on about their business as if I had never been seen or heard.

And yet, there are those who I see after not having seen for a long time that latch on to me as if I was some sort of long lost relative. I put this to the fact that when we did interact there was a favorable impression made that they remember and value. This causes me some concern because it causes me to redouble my effort not to offend and often simply go along with anything and everything they say and do. This causes me some concern because it seems somewhat duplicitous. Yet, the time or two that I expressed my true opinion of an effort they made, it caused a rift that was never again bridged. People are so sensitive but some never forget a slight. Well, in fairness, neither do I but I am often willing to forgive and forget.

It is my competitive nature that gets in the way of action because of an innate unwillingness to get into a situation wherein I can’t see the possibility of winning it. It isn’t so much fear as it is losing. If I can’t see a win, I tend to give up. This is troubling for me in almost any competitive endeavor. The problem for me is that I see most social intercourse as some sort of competition with the other, where I want to win the encounter on some even undefined level of play. Where I can’t see the win, I tend to withdraw, no second effort, not interested in making the supreme sacrifice, not interested in getting angry or contentious about it. Give up and let the other have the day. I don’t know if this is good or bad but this is the way it is, for now anyway.

Games, business, and contests aside, the answer here is one of my recently coined dailies: expressing my feelings forthrightly, I am assertive. Instead of retreating from the field of encounter, it would be advantageous if I wanted to keep the relationship to let my feelings be known. If the other is interested in maintaining the relationship, he/she will have to respect these feelings and we can go on.

Thoughts on Easter

The Easter season always brings out the religion in people who make, for all to hear, statements of outlandish belief. The most prominent for this time of year is that Jesus Christ rose from the dead. It is a bold statement; one made by people who wouldn’t otherwise be saying something as extreme but they have successfully put reason and science aside, suspend disbelief, and state firmly and without doubt that this is the case. And they are not talking about a figurative resurrection but a physical return from a state of complete and final death.

This year I thought about it again, as I have for as long as I’ve been a reasonable person, since about the age of 7 or 8 when my beliefs were solely based on what others told me was the truth; almost all of which turned out to be fiction and not fact. But there was a difference this year that has been brewing in the background for quite some time. It is a realization of just what is religion.

The statement to which it boils down is this: religion is a delusional emotional refuge when one can’t cope with reality. People in extreme emotional stress find religion to be a way of coping with that which can’t be controlled, that which is outside of their emotional and/or physical capacity. When there seems to be no possible solution, they put their trust in God and let the chips fall where they may. It brings peace of mind and let’s them off the hook so to speak. They don’t have to deal with it, a higher power will somehow make it all ok, where ok is whatever is the outcome. They can then simply say, "I did all I could"; "I put it in God’s hands."

The ability to do this is no minor feat. It is the result of conditioning that either takes place from little on, or is suddenly seized upon by a desperate “soldier in a foxhole”, harking back to the saying that there are no atheists in a foxhole.

This is not my way of admitting to being an atheist. What I believe or don’t is not the issue here. I am looking out in the direction of what others say they believe, and must admit that what I said above summarizes it for me. It is a mentally rewarding escape from reality, like any other delusion. It allows one to go on with the activities of the day, one day at a time, and not be bothered, distracted, or otherwise impacted by enormous implications of dire results.

People pray for luck at the gambling table, the lottery, that the traffic lights will stay green for them, that their team will win, that they will make the shot, that their loved ones won’t be killed in war; in general that the outcome of events will be favorable for them or their loved ones. It is a way of coping with uncertainty.

There is a secular formula for the same thing. What is the worst thing that can happen? Accept that possibility and try to improve on it. This works as well for the lay person, or when the situation is not completely beyond one’s ability to influence. Prayer is reserved for that which is seen to be completely out of the sphere of one’s influence.

Calling upon gods is not a new thing in our history. It predates history, it is part and parcel of every civilization of which we know. This in itself offers some proof of a spiritual or “other” existence. And I don’t dispute any of that; as a matter of fact, I believe that there is a spiritual world and that we are influenced by it/them. The basis of Christian religions is the suspended belief of many scientific principles and observations. Arguing the point with a “believer” would be as futile as arguing the existence of the Olympian gods with an ancient Greek or Roman.

When examined, at least seemingly objectively, the belief system of the RCC is a sophisticated revision of pagan gods and their hierarchy and one that I completely reject. The utility of it lies in the social aspect of a congregation of like minded people and the emotional respite described above, and there is much to be said in favor of both aspects.

There is a parallel in our system of government where the ideals of the constitution are sound but many of those who are elected to govern in accordance with those ideals succumb to excesses of power and become corrupt. This same thing has occurred in the RCC, and perhaps in many other religions, where the ideals of Christianity or Islam are good but the humans who interpret them are “whitened sepulchers” who are prone to error and contrive ways to satisfy their personal desires within the hierarchy of a church. The problems arise when what they do impacts our personal and daily lives. At least in our system of government we can elect others. The only recourse in the RCC is to quit supporting it financially and any other way. The impression I have is that some religions allow for the ouster of leaders but I’m not familiar enough to speak to it.

The Islam phenomenon is interesting because it is so extreme. It binds government and religion together officially, making it impossible to live without being under the control of those who would have you believe a certain way; control so extreme that I would be punished severely for writing these thoughts. It could be concluded that where the Christian faith offers delusion to adherents, Islam is all about controlling the thinking of its masses.

The real freedom is to be able to take off the clothes of organized religion and find the truth through inspired thinking; never accepting any conclusion as final, never writing a system of belief because as understanding deepens that which was absolutely clear yesterday is enhanced, seen to be incomplete.

Solving a Time Problem

All of the time I have on my hands right now could be due to a lack of focus on my endeavors. But it is plain to see that I could easily commit to more than I could possibly accomplish, yet there are large gaps between deliveries. An example is acting, where I am currently in performances that go on each Saturday night for six more. Another is pool where I am in a league that plays on Wednesday night and our team is slated to play in the playoffs at the end of February. A third is riding where I am riding on Monday nights and can’t justify the acquisition of a horse, by purchase, lease, or arrangement other than per occasion. The fourth is golf and it is not the season; my club dues are paid for this year and I’m ready to play but won’t until at least the middle of next month. All of the others are likewise in progress but there is nothing pressing in/on any of them to keep me fully occupied. So what is my point?

My point is the utilization of the in-between times. I don’t want to get into other things because I want to stay focused on the four major endeavors and then the other fourteen, likewise important but less. Whenever I have or think of a task to do on any of them, I do it.

All of them could benefit from more attention and the one that could stand a lot of attention, and require me to get out and do it, would be sketching; I could do this without commitment to big chunks of time and in order to make it interesting I would go somewhere to make the sketch. I have the goal of a sketch diary and know that it will be crude in the beginning but will improve over time. I have a sketch book that I can carry with me and I will from tomorrow on.

There are some criteria for utilizing this discretionary time, which I haven’t articulated as yet; this will be an attempt to do so. The criteria for “forget-me-nots” are a good example/pattern/model to follow. There are two general criteria, Absolute and Desirable. The Absolute is that it has to be something that will support and make progress toward the accomplishment of the dream for an endeavor. The Desirable are: a) it not be a task listed in the palm pilot (b) it not require more time than is available at the moment, (c) that it not interfere with any item in the palm pilot, IOW not keep me from doing s.t. that is already planned, and (d) that it not preclude doing chores and duties.

This seems to be a brilliant plan for chinking the interstices in the wall of the day. Where I now puzzle, surf, or idle; I can refer to the "why would I" for the endeavors and do s.t. that will move me toward accomplishing those dreams. Just referring to the these, now in the palm pilot, will reinforce same and give them top of mind awareness. Although not a criteria, it should be kept in mind that whatever is done would be okay as it is, IOW perfection is not necessarily the goal.

This will certainly work for the four and all the other endeavors. It will immediately require me to get in touch with the dream of each of them; s.t. that has been articulated, recorded, and reviewed when plotting and scheming; and now carried with me for referral at the odd moment. So item number one on the agenda is to get the dreams for the year into the palm pilot for ad hoc review.

In order to keep it positive and constructive, i.e. moving towards accomplishment of a dream, it would require staying in the moment as it is done. It would be preferable that it not be “junk miles” either. Junk miles defined as a running or walking pace that doesn’t improve aerobic fitness. In this sense we would be referring to doing s.t., even in the endeavor, that is a waste of time and not moving towards the accomplishment of a dream, like (take your choice) shooting pool without paying attention to the shot. And yet to get things started, activities could be in this category as long as they progress toward meeting the specification of moving toward the accomplishment of the dream.

Yes, I think we’re there. This entry is short but more would be a waste of words. Once again the blog has brought me to a conclusion and from here on out I will be more effectively spending my time.

Safe Harbor

It’s been a long time since I sat here in the SAC and wrote in a notebook. Mme Day’s class was cut short today due to her not feeling well so I decided to come in here and drink a cup of coffee, eat a muffin, and write.

Now, I know there are a thousand other things I could be doing but this was my decision. I am not going to waste any more psychic energy than this on the choice; I am aware that I could be sketching for the diary

Of/on what subject shall I write? One of me is suggesting a game to play. It involves making overtures in my blog(s) to see if a certain one is reading, the question comes up; if so, then what?

Often in the past I have embarked on such ventures, not often into personal but more often a road to participating in some activity only to have it turn out to be s.t. not desired and then dropped. When the activity involved others it often turned messy, or at least the termination of it wasn’t handled very sensitively.

Where it involved an organization, it could be terminated without rancor and where it was a skill activity, it could be terminated with simple abandonment without regard to repercussions. Some value could be salvaged financially through the sale of the asset; some for more than paid, some for less.

The one being suggested is a slippery slope onto which I shall not venture.

I recall a time in C60 when I had put things right. It was 1975/6 and I had organized the division such that it was functioning without my direct intervention. There were periods of weeks, even months, when I had nil to do. I had designed an organization, assigned responsibilities, set goals in each of ten areas, interacted weekly, but not to interfere, with those who were in charge and reporting to me.

I had finished my work in C60; I could add nothing more to it. There were even times when I would go for walks in the vast shipyard, from one end to the other to get ideas. But I didn’t have a next move and I was only thirty-six years old. The move came out of left field, in the guise of NNI, a complete change of venue and type of people. Whatever went on behind the scenes to suggest this change, I was not in on any of it. It could have been an extensive analysis or a quick decision; I don’t know.

I am an organizational genius, a systems nerd, an innovator, a person who plays the hand dealt. While this sounds good, it is lacking in an important area. It is even difficult for me to express what that is. Is it a philosophy? Is it an over-arching goal? Is it a desire to fill a need? Is it a reluctance to make a change? Is it being overly sensitive to the feelings of those with whom I am now involved? Is it a fear at the bottom of all these questions—fear to do something else?

In a big way I am there/here again; and have been for almost ten years. The house, the life-style, the income, budget, and activities; all satisfying and the very picture of what anyone could want; then the family, the affection they show, the Acting, golf, riding, and pool, which are the core endeavors. And under that layer, 14 more endeavors and a performance evolution method that works for me. IOW, I have what I set out to get—now what? One answer is to develop the acting endeavor into a professional career, as an actor v. an agent, or director, or trainer, or techie.

I am, however, caught in a web of comfort. A good analogy is that of a sailor who, on a good boat, made it to port, through storm, tide, shifting winds, rain, and night and is now safely moored in a quiet harbor, riding calmly at a mooring with enough provisions to last indefinitely. What does he do now, just sit there?

If my past is prologue, he will weigh anchor, put up the sails and go forth without making a definite choice of destination; sail on to see what islet pops up. Perhaps a small one that allows for quickly exploring it then sailing on to somewhere else. A larger one may take more time but eventually, like now, would also be known/ explored/ understood and the same wanderlust would set in; sort of a Gulliver.

I sit here having attained an age of seventy-one, the result of all that has gone before, ready to set sail again. Perhaps acting is the destination. If it is a genuine desire, it will appear ever larger on the horizon until I anchor in the protected cove on its coast.

I don’t however feel that I have left the anchorage of where I am. I am visiting the harbor pubs, trading lies with the patrons, hearing the stories, building the desire but I haven’t shoved off as yet. An odd question, will it be a decision that is made or one that is recognized after the fact as having been made?

I realize I’ve said that I am now an actor; I could just as easily have said writer, consultant, trainer, or speaker; saying it doesn’t make it so. I’m working at the art of acting by studying, auditioning, learning lines, rehearsing, and performing; by putting myself out there to be recognized, by putting myself in target rich environments. It seems to be working, because I am working and getting paid for it, albeit little. In the longer run, I suppose we will have to revisit this whole thing in another year or so and see where is the boat.

With Whom?

An interesting observation: if I only do what is on my list and calendar, I have much unoccupied time. It is deep in the soul to be occupied, somehow. It is unsettling to sit idle and in order to avoid this feeling, one will find ways to occupy one’s time. I’m not going to list them all but they include work, hobbies of all sorts, reading, writing (such as I am doing right now), television, movies, looking out the window at traffic or just looking out the window. One of the secrets of success is to fill unoccupied time with activities that achieve s.t., things that are consistent with aim.

There is a quote in “New York, the Novel” that the author attributes to Gertrude Stein: “Give me three hours of uninterrupted time every day and I can accomplish more than the vast majority of people.” This rings true but only if one has identified what it is he/she wants to accomplish. This is the rub that I run into, and I am sure that I’m not alone. What is it that I want to accomplish right now? Aside: anyone privy to my notebooks and who’s read my blog to date knows that this question has been plaguing me for a long time. Not having clear focus on a desired end result leads to being distracted into an activity that is not focused on aim and, therefore, a waste of time.

But there is another dimension or aspect that has to be considered and that is desire. It is one thing to have a long list of things that one would accomplish if he wanted to but there is a feeling that the time right now is not right for any one of them. There may be something going on in here that keeps a persona out of the foreground and, therefore, unable to do.

There is the possibility that inertia is in play, or even momentum. These two phenomena are psychological as well as physical, as in when one gets involved in an activity and continues to pursue it well after it is appropriate to quit or when one procrastinates and doesn’t start. These are always possible diversions from working on aim. Inertia may be another word for laziness and could be caused by fatigue; but sometimes one naps and still doesn’t take the bull by the horns afterwards.

Diversion into television programs, news, weather, sports, internet searches, and puzzles for inordinate amounts of time waste lifetime. This is time lost that can never be recuperated and yet there are industries that have built up around giving people the opportunity for diversion. The key is, of course, to use diversion as a sort of recreation and not an end in itself but the purveyors of diversion will allow you to divert as much as you want. The more you divert the better their return on investment. As with the more serious addictive diversions, realization that the possibility exists for getting too deeply involved should be enough to break the pattern and replace diversion with working on aim.

My aims are along the lines of the eighteen endeavors that I have decided to follow and even these are ranked according to importance or desirability or degree of participation desired. Participation in the endeavors allows me to always have options of things to do that are in accordance with dreams, strategies, goals, and acts. The planning method I described earlier allows this homogeneity to exist and allows me to get back to work whenever I get side-tracked into areas that are not according to aim.

The selection and then association with others of like mind is an area of work that I continue to pursue. There are others, with whom I associate ad hoc, and this is good. I am wondering if there should be a place(s) where I could go to just associate in general with others. There are social networking sites that allow this but it is contrived and artificial. They tend to allow one to think he is associating when he is not. It is a virtual situation that doesn’t fulfill my needs. Others have places where they “hang out” and socialize with whoever enters. It takes time to develop such and even then it is only temporary as others drop in and out of circle.

This association thing is much bigger than occasional social contact. In a larger sense it encompasses neighborhoods, congregations, societies, even cities. When the ambience of the association is no longer desirable, people tend to disassociate and move on and attempt to find other associations that provide for their needs. On a grand scale this happens in cities and the one that comes to mind is the city of St. Louis where the population grew to more than 850 thousand people at its peak to less than 250 thousand now. It did this because the city became less than desirable to the citizens. Some, like me, moved away because there was no feeling of identity with the place, others moved to get more desirable housing, others for fear of their safety, others for fear of ever lower real estate values, others to get a feeling that they had it better in a new house and new neighborhood, others as a reaction to the general degradation of the infrastructure, and still others for reasons that are not listed here. The result is a void of more than 500 thousand people who used to live and interact socially within the city limits. The same is true of other cities, including Louisville, but astute politicians, in the true sense of the word, have moved boundaries around and taken steps to address some of the issues that cause people to relocate.

My conundrum remains, where are my non-specific social outlets, to where I can go, fit in, stay as long as I want, leave and return later without recrimination? Where there is always some familiar person, not always the same, with whom I can associate.

Who Dat?

The prospect of life after death has been invading my consciousness for the past few days. It is intriguing to say the least. When one considers that we are part and parcel with our bodies, our brains being part of the package, it is a stretch to envision existing after the body dies. And in order to give credit to the power of the brain, it will be “brain-body” in this entry.

The brain-body has capabilities that allow it to function on many levels simultaneously. For example, I ate a meal a little while ago and all the while I am doing whatever else since, my body is digesting that food and putting it to use wherever it is needed or storing it for later use, or not. More complex activities are going on as well, there is a scab knitting the skin back together over a scrape that occurred two weeks ago. It keeps getting smaller and the skin is closing over the injury, one molecule at a time. Answers to puzzles become apparent when the puzzle is re-addressed after being put down for a while. We go to a place for one reason only to encounter someone about whom we have been thinking. The list could go on infinitely.

Yet there is an entity that exists that uses the brain-body to fulfill his purpose. It may be a collection of entities but let’s not complicate this any more than it already is. This entity, for lack of a better name, can be called Master. If he exists, he could be from previous lifetimes because by our definition he exists above nature, in other words he is supernatural. (And I say he because I am a male, someone else could say she or it or whatever. I doubt if Master has a gender.)

If the purpose of Master is to eventually exist as an individual in a spiritual world, i.e. without a brain-body, then that process may take many lifetimes. During any lifetime, since the brain-body is mostly reacting to its environment, he may only have limited opportunities to pursue his purpose so he keeps coming back in new and different brain-bodies. The newly inhabited brain-body has no memory of previous lifetimes because memory is a brain-body function as is every other mental and physical process. Master, existing supernaturally, may have memory but the brain-body isn’t privy to it.

The horse and rider analogy works here. Just as a horse has memory for what he has been schooled to do and a rider knows how to put the horse through his paces to achieve an end, so too brain-body is trained to deal with his environment but Master has his own agenda and uses brain-body accordingly.

So what I decide to do today is a function of brain-body; Master allows it if it is even remotely consistent with his aim. It is like an employee who has a lot of general skills and is made a member of the organization. He is allowed to do whatever he wants within a certain set of parameters of which he may or may not be aware. As long as his actions promote the general welfare of the organization he is given scope and when they run afoul of same, he is reined in by a superior.

If and when the employee gets so far off track that he can’t be brought back, he is fired in the analogy. In the real world, when Master can no longer pursue his aim in this brain-body, he causes it to die and if he goes on with his development, at some point he inhabits a new brain-body. This habitation could take place at any time in the life of a brain-body, currently it is my opinion that it takes place at first inspiration, when the brain-body begins to function completely on its own.

The brain-body has no direct communication with Master; he is mute. Everything of which we are aware is a function of the brain-body; Master is here but not in any apparent way other than imagination. This function of the brain-body, imagination, is the bridge between the brain-body and Master; between the natural and the supernatural. The relationship is not reasonable, nor physical, nor emotional; the only clue we have to its existence is that we can imagine that it does. This could be the genesis of Faith.

The purpose of Master is mysterious; only he knows what actions taken by the brain-body will move him towards his aim. He is patient, he has eternity to achieve his aim and as long as the combination of the brain-body currently inhabited and he are making any inkling of progress, he patiently allows whatever else to go on.

There are features of the brain-body that enable it to achieve its own aims and perhaps concurrently the aim of Master. Those that come to mind now are memory, imagination, reasoning (both intuitive and logical), and decision making. Memory is the store of raw data, imagination draws upon that data and forms some possible conclusions, reasoning tests those for possible action, and decision making enable action. Experience shows us that the process is not perfect.

It must, however, be stressed that these are features of the brain-body. The memory is fed by experiences that come through the senses including observations made of circumstances and the results of actions taken from decisions made.

The features of Master are unknown; the aim of Master is unknown. A guess was made above but only a guess. There is no way that the brain-body can know the aim of Master. Glimpses can be made via imagination but there is no way of verifying them, only objective, long term observation of past actions and results there from. Even this is fraught with possible misinterpretation. The only one who knows the aim of Master is Master. If brain-body is allowed to continue its existence, Master may see hope for progress in the achievement of his aim.